If ever there was a time for perennial minnow Dale Coyne to become a serious player in the IZOD IndyCar Series, 2012 may be that time.

The well-liked team owner got his first IndyCar victory at Watkins Glen International in 2009 with driver Justin Wilson and engineer Bill Pappas. It was a terrific moment for Coyne and for IndyCar, but to say that anyone saw it coming would be stretching the truth quite a bit.

As if that were not enough, the combination almost won two other races that year, and for people used to seeing the Coyne cars struggling gamely midpack or tailing the rest of the field, it was a revelation.

Now, with a new engine and chassis formula coming online in 2012, Coyne is "Putting the Band Back Together" (no, really, that's precisely how the team's public relations arm termed it) by rehiring Wilson and Pappas and casting their lot with Honda's powerful new twin-turbo V6 engine.

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So last week I got razed for going light on the snark because of the SOPA/PIPA crap that was going on outside of our little racing world. Some folks got it in their heads that I redacted the snarky comments that usually accompany Paddock Pulse links to get out of doing work.

Well, I'm here to tell you right now that those people were totally, unequivocally correct.

In the interests of doing a total retcon on my behavior (which was inspired by me being distracted by someone microwaving some savory popcorn nearby... mmmm, popcorn), I will say that my laziness was actually an extended metaphor for how censorship and restriction of free speech and putting the power and control in the hands of giant media conglomerates and the RIAA and all those other assholes encourages a lower standard of creativity in media and entertainment.

I will of course be totally bullshitting you by saying this, but you will already know this, being intelligent and not at all prone to skipping these introductory paragraphs to get straight to the Pulse links like you are.

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I'm going to make an admission that will probably get me in hot water with the Indy-rati out there.

I was born in Indianapolis on race weekend. I spent most of my early life only blocks away from the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.

But until I finished college, the only IndyCar race I ever watched was the Indianapolis 500.

That's right. Although philosophically methanol ran through my veins like platelets, I had no background or appreciation for USAC racing, CART, roadsters and Road America, midgets and Milwaukee, or any of the trappings of Indy car racing that everyone tells me is the absolute lifeblood of the sport.

If that's not embarrassing enough, I only learned that there were more IndyCar races than THE BIG ONE after playing video games in my college dorm room.

I learned everything I know about IndyCar history by researching it, not by experiencing it. I like to think I have a good basic foundation for IndyCar's past by now, but for most of my life I experienced IndyCar in the same way that the enormous majority of people around the world do today - by watching it once a year in late May at the Brickyard.

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It wouldn't have been IndyCar without a slight tinge of hysterical pessimism coloring the beginning of the new year.

Let's face it - pessimism by now is coded into the DNA of a disturbingly large percentage of IndyCar fans, and if there wasn't something to worry or kvetch about, most of us would start wondering who had passed out the Ambien.

Where is Lotus? Why is the DW12 such a dog on ovals?? Why doesn't XX have a ride???

Chill, folks. These things are already getting worked out, and spring training in Sebring doesn't even start until March.

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So today is the big SOPA Protest Day, and instead of writing the Paddock Pulse I'm probably supposed to be writing to my congressman imploring him to vote against the bill.

What is SOPA? I'd tell you, except that Wikipedia is offline today to protest SOPA, so I don't actually know. It sounds like the first part of the word "sopapilla," which is a Mexican dish that I happen to like quite a bit, so I feel a bit conflicted.

Still, I probably will write to my congressman because usually anything that mixes technology, the Internet, and a bunch of sixty-something men and women who are still trying to figure out how to set the clock on their VCRs (they don't use DVRs because they "don't want to learn another set of consarned consonants, dammit!") is a recipe for a complete cluster**** (SEE, I'M BEING CENSORED ALREADY!).

Since I don't actually run the SBN network, I can't blackout my site in protest - so I'll do the next best thing, which is to redact all the tasty snark that usually runs in the Pulse to show solidarity for my fellow troglodytes who are fighting the good fight against the entertainment industry, who are sponsoring the bill and won't be satisfied until you pay at least 25 separate times for that copy of "Tik Tok" that you KNOW you love listening to even though you'd never admit it.

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It's not the greatest time in the world to be a fan of IndyCar oval racing.

Not only is the number of oval races in the upcoming season drastically lower than anyone hoped, but the atmosphere around the paddock and in the management offices seems to be apathetic towards maintaining any sort of equal quota of left-turn-only events on the series schedule. At least, that's what oval fans tell me.

The reasons for this have been spelled out ad nauseum, but really, if you're a fan... how can those explanations erase the twisting sensation in the pit of your stomach when you see a road or street race replace an oval race?

For oval fans, this is not simply a betrayal of series history, but a personal insult. Every argument about why ovals aren't currently working for IndyCar illogically feels like a backhanded, thinly-veiled accusation... even though the idea that oval fans who actually take the time and money to attend one of these races are somehow to blame for their failure is ridiculous.

If you can pardon a digression, I will explain why I sympathize profoundly with oval fans, even though I understand and accept why they are doomed to be disappointed.

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One of the toughest parts of coming back from a holiday break is breaking yourself of the habit of sleeping in late, eating anything you want, and letting your brain turn into some sort of mushy fungus that looks - and thinks - like a giant Portobello mushroom.

The intellectual vacuum created by a couple of weeks' worth of whatever the opposite of critical thinking is (SEE? MY INNER THESAURUS IS ATROPHIED!) is especially daunting when you're sitting down to write an introduction to this week's Paddock Pulse, because if you're me, you know everyone's expecting you to be pithy and interesting, or snarky and interesting, or insightful and interesting... what I'm getting at here is the INTERESTING part is really important, okay?

Then you find you're three paragraphs into the introduction and you haven't said jack squat that would make anyone want to hit the jump and check out the links. So what do you do?

I'll tell you what I am gonna do...

HIT THE JUMP AND CHECK OUT THE LINKS.

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2012. The last year of Earth. Probably. If we wake up on December 22, 2012 and NOTHING happens it will mean that the Mayans are the BIGGEST TROLLS IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. Yes, bigger trolls than dictators, ESPN "analysts", and the CBS Network execs who thought their already bad TV lineup needed more Rob Schneider. Seriously, who thought THAT was a good idea? If it wasn't for the NFL on CBS, CSI (wait...never mind, Marg Helgenberger is leaving), and Angela Buchman giving me the weather on my local CBS affiliate (WISH-TV, Indianapolis) I would never ever watch that network. Not keeping NASCAR and the Daytona 500...how's that working out for you guys?

Enough whining about things with higher TV ratings than IndyCar. If this is indeed the last year of our world lets at least make it a good time. Lets start with THE RETURN OF HAIKU TUESDAY! So much to haiku about like new driver signings, new teams, rumored driver signings, rumored new teams, rumors of rumors of driver signings, rumors of rumors of teams that may or may not make the start of the season and OH DAMN TAGLIANI'S WIFE IS STILL THE HOTTEST PUNK ROCKER EVER. NASCAR seriously can't hang with IndyCar on the WAG hotness. Yes they got an upgrade on the driver hotness scale with Danica, but she's just a few months away from the big 3-0. I know this, for her 30th is just before mine. Oh, God...30?!?!? It seems just yesterday I was watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 and sipping on Sunny D. Actually, I really DID do both of those things yesterday. Never grow old, kids. It makes you...old.

So, onwards to the off-season haikus after the jump.

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