So I was cooking Kraft Macaroni and Cheese for my kids this evening, and I thought, "There's a metaphor in this for IndyCar blogging."
I was wrong.
Okay, so that's a sucky lede for this week's Paddock Pulse. Give me a break - how can I think straight when THE PAGODA IS NO MORE???? Even worse, my efforts to lure Hobbson to POV with promises of all the mustard gas he can breathe are being subverted by guys like Paul Dalbey, Christopher Leone, and FREAKING TONY KANAAN. Yeah! You read that right - TONY KANAAN is trying to get Roy Hobbson to write for him on his website!!!
Can you imagine what would happen if IndyCar drivers started hosting bloggers on their websites? (I can, and I can be bought cheap, Pippa Mann.)
This week's links after the jump...
Dear Sarah: [...and he’s on it]
Johnny offers up three great candidates for the #67 ride at Sarah Fisher Racing. I'll give him that. But we all know that the future of Sarah Fisher Racing is GRAHAM RAHAL. (Insert raucous, side-splitting laughter from Graham's agent here) Or maybe Jay Howard might want to audition... ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Too soon?
Goodbye, Proud World! [The Silent Pagoda]
There are no words that can adequately describe this travesty. However, there are hand gestures. And a bit of interpretive dance. Perhaps a bit of light sculpting. Gimme a minute and I'll have it all together. (Sound of femur cracking into three pieces and gall bladder exploding through nostril) Ahem. I'll have to get back to you on that.
Getting it right now more important than ever [More Front Wing]
Hey PAUL! Lookee here, man! I totally posted your article instead of Steph's! That's right, I went with the goateed one instead of the cute one. Actually, it's just a coincidence that this blog post is so well-written (and so LONG) - I kind of owed Paul some exposure after "going Canadian" for the past few Pulse posts. AND GET YOUR MINDS OUT OF THE GUTTER. (All Steph has done is offer me poutine. And no, that's not a weird Canadian flirting ritual.)
The Many Benefits Of Chevy’s Return [Oilpressure]
You know what the BIGGEST benefit is? BOWTIES. You totally know Roger Penske's going to wear one in Victory Lane at Indianapolis when he wins in 2012. I bet it will even be red. Even better, Helio Castroneves will wear one when he does his latest abysmal cover of "The Girl from Ipanema" on those ethanol commercials. That way, we can have something to distract us from our ears bleeding.
Prison Rules Racing is "Chuffing Rubbish" [pressdog.com]
I think it says a lot that Danica Patrick putting a fender to Alex Kennedy at Phoenix actually RAISED EYEBROWS in the fan community. I guess the days of Tiny Lund coming over to beat you senseless with a tire iron really ARE over, aren't they? Ahhh. The memories. Or, rather, the lack of them, because when you get hit over the head with a tire iron you tend to forget things a lot and suffer from aphasia which octopus banana bread weasel toenails.
There are two things certain in life: Death and Silly Season [the_race_gIRL]
GAD, it's nice to have Monica back. She's the only person I know who can go toe-to-toe with the Flying Cocksman (at least, I THINK that's his toe. *shudder*). And 80s-vintage Paul Simon? Ohhhh yeah, that's the stuff, baby. THAT'LL get your Chevy Chase playin' the trumpet. (Don't even bother asking me what that means.)
Time For An IndyCar "Tea Party" ???? [You Don't Know Jack]
One word, Jack: "OHMYDEARFREAKINGLORDHELLNO." We spent fifteen years trying to get the braying, delusional, frightening, boneheaded loonballs OUT of IndyCar, and you want to reintroduce them? What you're looking for is MODERATE CENTRISM and INTELLIGENT DEBATE, Jack. Sure, Howard Beale expressed populist outrage, but he was also batshit crazy and got his ass blown apart on national TV. Not quite the direction we want to go.
Do you think Gian Paolo Dallara stopped at Long's Donuts after the groundbreaking?