The Paddock Pulse: December 8 Edition

If my ramblings today seem a little more disjointed than usual, it's because I spent six hours filming a PSA in my day job and I can't feel my right hand thanks to a protracted session holding a boom mike. (Okay, okay, I know what you're going to say - and NONE OF THAT DOUBLE ENTENDRE BUSINESS.)

At any rate, the blogosphere took up my challenge from last week about bringing more content into play. Plus, a couple of new bloggers basically begged, pleaded, and actually threatened me physically to get onto my Paddock Pulse reading list. So you have a lot more to read through this week than usual. Remember - IT WILL ALL BE ON THE QUIZ.

All the linkitude after the jump...

• Random thoughts and outbursts [Indy Racing Revolution]
  I was gonna get all up in Ponch's grille about not doing more non-news stuff like these "outbursts," but then I saw that he had misspelled his own site name in the "Latest Posts" box! PONCH! DUDE! Don't you follow Monica Hilton on Twitter? Didn't you read her latest lecture on proofreading? Man, I'm glad I proofread every bit of writting I do.

• The IMS Kids Club: My Daughter Will Approve (Eventually) [IndyCar Advocate]
  Okay, so if you don't read Zach Houghton's blog, here's your gateway drug. HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DAUGHTER!!! Awwwww. I can tell they're totally still at the cute I-don't-hate-my-parents-at-all stage that my teenager seems to have completely forgotten about-- NO, you CAN'T add Gene Simmons as a Facebook friend! HAVE YOU SEEN THE MAN'S TONGUE? You have, and that's why you asked?? *collapses in distraught sobbing*

• Conspiracy Theories, Get your Conspiracy Theories Right Here! [JP's Indycar Blog]
  Because if there's one thing we need more of in IndyCar, it's black helicopters, here is this week's pastiche of tinfoil hats and wild-eyed Mel Gibsonology from JP. Good way to make a first impression in the Pulse, JP - take everyone to Area 51!! No, seriously, I hear they have great parties there. They say they make a great batch of white lightning from the formaldehyde that they keep the alien corpses in. Mmmm. Extraterrestrial? Extra TASTY.

• Will Kanaan Fit At de Ferran Dragon Racing? [Oilpressure]
  I'm a big believer in the maxim that if you say something is going to happen enough, it eventually WILL. Thus, I'm linking to George's story about Tony Kanaan fitting in at De Ferran Dragon Racing. I mean, come ON. It'd be the Brazilian Dream Team! More "BO-WAH-WAH" than you could ever get from one of those coffee commercials!! A samba at every race! Etc.

• Opinion: IZOD and Penske a Good Fit? [Open Wheel America]
  Pff. Simba. Come on, mang. Even if IZOD and Penske Racing fit together as well as Julian Assange and national security, Roger Penske would find a way to make it work. So your premise is flawed at the start! Better to ask, "Can IZOD find a shirt that fits Roger Penske?" Because rule #1 is, DO NOT MESS UP THE HAIR. Roger Penske's hair is made of pure steel and testosterone, and once it gets out of place it's a bitch trying to get it re-aligned again.

• Give Bernie Ecclestone Credit for His Mad Marketing Skills [pressdog.com]
  I'll say it right now - DO NOT LET YOUR YOUNG CHILDREN SEE THE PHOTO OF BERNIE ECCLESTONE that shows up in this link. It's frightening. That said, this is not the most shameless use of personal injury for financial gain I've ever seen. I once appeared in an ad in my school newspaper that showed off a paper cut I suffered. Dude, it hurt. There was blood and everything! But hey, Bernie, nice try.

• The Darkened Tower: An Introduction [The Darkened Tower]
  Witness the return of Roy "Brett Favre" Hobbson, whose retirement from the Silent Pagoda lasted about as long as the Arizona Cardinals' plus-.500 record this season. I'm not invoking Favre's name just because of the unretirement, though. I won't go into more details, but I will never accept cell phone photos from Hobbson again. Some things are just too traumatizing.

• Roger Penske acquires the Month of December [One Lap Down]
  Now, if you want to talk about CLASS with regards to unretiring, you should look no further than Jeff "Nooch" Iannucci, who was dragged kicking and screaming back into the blogosphere by the evil corporate overlords who run VERSUS.com. Jeff did it right, and by right I mean he teased us all mercilessly with hints and then got everyone to offer blubbering, tearful welcome messages of joy for his return. Well played, sir. Well played.

Final Thoughts

Does it feel a little cheap that I wrote all those heartfelt goodbyes to Roy Hobbson and Jeff Iannucci, only to see them unretire a matter of weeks later? YES. YOU CAN'T TOY WITH MY EMOTIONS LIKE THAT, GUYS!!!

I'm just kidding. I'd rather have Roy and Jeff back in the blogosphere, to be honest. They're the MAJOR LEAGUE of IndyCar bloggers. Hell, in comparison I'm barely at the Durham Bulls level. (Look it up.)

It does worry me that they were both assimilated by VERSUS.com, though. I mean, jeez - they have their own TELEVISION NETWORK, for Pete's sake. Can't they be satisfied with that? Ye canna take away our FREEEEEEEDOM!

Welcome back, you magnificent bastards.