Friday Pre-Race: Iowa

Okay, my first "blog" had a hint of heartfelt seriousness to it.  Enough of THAT.  On to what blogs are all about:  infinite sarcasm, half-assed attempts at humor, and the occasional fact that at times finds its way through the cracks.  Oh, and starting LATE at night when boredom and genius go hand and hand and finishing at dawn.  With alcohol, of course.  With a long off week (and momentum with praise from blog #1) I figure a pre-race posting will hold me over for just one more day.

This weekend marks the weirdest day of the racing year.  The Cup Series at Sears Point….Nationwide Series at Road America….IndyCar on a short oval.  What, F1 not racing on a rally track?  Wait, I shouldn’t give Bernie ideas….or at least good ones like that.

The last time we saw the IndyCars take the checkered flag on a short oval, everything broke.  Lights started flashing “12:00” over and over, the Blue Screen of Death flashed on the Jumbotron, and a plague of locusts and venomous ducks descended upon Richmond.  The aftermath saw the end of Tony George, which brought tears of joy to the 17 remaining ChampCar fans, and tears of sadness to the 23 remaning IRL diehards.  There was no other way to put it….it was the lowest point in American Open Wheel Racing.

What followed next was something NASCAR would never even dare:  immediate rule changes.  No waiting for next year or the year after.  NOW.  What happened at the next two ovals?  EPICNESS.  But still those damn Red Cars won.

Okay, now we return (somewhat) to the scene of the crime.  This will be the first short oval with the new rule package.  Will get the same awesomeness?  No Red Cars in victory lane?  Will Jesu….Danica finish the first phase of the oval racing season with a win? 

Come on!  This is IndyCar!  Put $100 on Red.


The last three races held here had winners with a D in their name and were from the British Isles.  One of them still drives a Red Car and he won here last time.  The chances we see Ashley Judd again are higher than the chances Milka parks it before lap 75.  Yea, that high.  With this being the last oval for the spring the Red Car Death Star HOPEFULLY will be down for maintenance during the twisties.   Or not.

BEST OF THE REST (BEST NON-RED CAR):  Princess Sparkle Pony

“It’s not my fault.”

Those four words have turned the tide….for better and worse.  Yes, there have been booing, but Danica has returned with FORCE.  The last time she came to Iowa she led laps.  Knowing this is the last oval until the final few races of the season she should make a final appearance until then.  Oh, yea….that NASCAR thing she does starts again soon.  Should De Silvestro somehow finish ahead of her you can bet Kyle Busch will be sporting Simona swag during driver intros….or the Harvicks will.  That’s what I call motivation.

Oh, speaking of the Swiss Miss….

THE MARTY “SLOTH” ROTH BACKMARKER (NOT NAMED MILKA):  Swiss Steak (medium well, please)

Fire?  No big deal to her.  Fear?  Ha!

A heavy, old rustly backup HVM Dallara tub?  On an oval? 

Awwww, damn it. 

No worries, Sim Racer.  The twisties return soon enough.  What?  You STILL have to use that jalopy for the road courses too?  Double damn.  Remember, pit as soon as Tracy and Helio meet again for position late in Toronto….just a thought.  Pit strategy.  It’s the only known cure for old heavy crapwagons.    

My first Pre-Race blog complete.  What happens when you mix cold pizza, High Life, Bob and Tom, and a night off of work.  Perhaps I can do this on Fridays due to those long off-weeks IndyCar insist upon.  Plenty of time for 5am drunken rambling.

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