The Paddock Pulse: July 21 Edition

Paddock Pulse Splash

I'm not usually a sentimental man (*hides video clip of himself sobbing like a girl through that part in Up when Carl is alone at his wife's funeral*) but remember last week, when The Paddock Pulse was full of hysterically excited, hysterically disappointed, and hysterically apathetic responses to the ICONIC chassis announcement?

Good times... good times.

This week, we're back to all of that boring old incisive analysis and pertinence and interesting reading. Don't worry, if things get too dull we can always go out and start another Twitter war.

Links after the jump...

  • What Does Penske Do? [Drive Hard, Turn Left]
    WWRPD? That's what everyone SHOULD be asking. Forget all those folks wondering what Jesus would do. JESUS DOESN'T HAVE HIS OWN WIND TUNNEL!! *tornado demolishes house* Aw crap. Well fine then, Jesus - WHEN ARE YOU SUBMITTING YOUR AERO KIT FOR APPROVAL???

  • Bean Machine: Toronto [Indy Racing Revolution]
    Dude. I'm so meta. I'm doing a generalized recap of a generalized recap. To sum up: I'm recapping a recap of a recap! LOOK OUT! IT'S A MOEBIUS LOOP! *HEAD ASPLODE*

  • Come On, Drivers, You’re Better than That… [is it May yet?]
    What Will here fails to recall from that seminal motion picture event Revenge of the Nerds is that eventually one of the nerds got to play Whack-A-Mole with the head cheerleader on a "Moon Walk" waterbed while wearing a pseudo-Darth Vader mask. Tell me again why doing things the nerd way is bad? BAM!

  • From Apathy To Indifference [Oilpressure]
    I was going to summarize this article, but then I lost interest. *returns copy of "THE LAZIEST POSSIBLE JOKES TO MAKE IN THE WORLD, AND HOW TO LOOK LIKE AN ASS USING THEM" to Bob Saget's bookshelf* I kid, George. I kid because I care - EVEN IF YOU DON'T!! (See what I did there? I'm totally on a roll. Or maybe a biscuit. SOMEBODY STOP ME!)

  • Toronto: Steph’s Sunday thoughts [Planet-IRL]
    All due respect to Paul D. at Planet-I, I'm gonna go with Steph's take on the Toronto race this week. Why? Because she's CANADIAN. She's a ketchup-chip-eatin', poutine-lovin', Maple-Leafs-adorin', dyed-in-the-wool Canuckistanian! Gotta get the local viewpoint. Plus, in a few months she'll be too frozen and miserable to appreciate this wonderful gift I'm giving her. You're welcome, my dear. Eh.

  • Notes From the 2010 IndyCar Race at Toronto [pressdog.com]
    I post this link for two reasons. First, our Pop Off Valve EMOTICONIC Race Chats rip off all sorts of things from Bill's in-race note-taking - circus music, drinking games, snark - and so I have to give Schwervy McBeerybritches some karmic payback before I get run over in the middle of the street by a rampaging horde of Mel Gibson. And second, Lauren George thought it was funny.

  • Roy Hobbson's Cheers & Jeers - The Strategic Announcement Edition [VERSUS]
    What's more epic than finding Roy Hobbson blogging on TWO different IndyCar-related websites? PIBB ZERO, BITCHES. That's right. Imagine Pabst Blue Ribbon without the hint of FAIL mixed into it. Thank you, Roy, for bringing this to my attention. That, and for my dime bag of newt-laced ganja. I'll be going Jimmy Tango later.

  • Gotta Love Those Road Courses! [You Don't Know Jack]
    Four words: Arute. Luchador. Mask. Edmonton. THE RACING GODS HAVE DECREED IT!

  • The ICONIC Decision - From the Guestroom [SpeedGeek]
    "From the Guestroom" is a metaphor for thoughtful, incisive analysis. You can guess what Ed Hinton's "From the Toilet Stall" column is a metaphor for. (Poop.)

  • Willy T. Ribbs Report: Toronto [The Silent Pagoda]
    They say "two heads are better than one." Two Hobbson article links? They're better than one THOUSAND WEST AFRICAN JUNGLE SLOTHS SECRETING BODY OILS IN YOUR EAR CANALS. (Full disclosure: I have never been to West Africa, nor do I know if there are actually jungle sloths anywhere near there. But their body oils are ludicrously toxic. BELIEVE ME.)

  • MILLER: Open-Wheel Musings [SPEED]
    Robin threatens to listen to Mike King's play-by-play in this one. Enough said.

Final Thoughts

After receiving an impassioned e-mail from ABC about my rather stern article regarding ABC's IndyCar broadcasts, I went into Sunday's Honda Indy Toronto willing to give the network another chance. I felt badly about criticizing the on-air talent and the behind-the-scenes people responsible for the show and I wanted to have a chance to eat crow and give them their due.

So I watched with as open a mind as possible. And when I was done, I did indeed have a change of heart.

I wasn't nearly strict or critical enough the first time.

I knew it was going to be bad when ABC cut to Vince Welch and forced him to talk over the start AGAIN. It only got worse when ABC missed every single restart of the race. "We just went back to green" replaced "Danica Patrick" as the most oft-repeated phrase of the day. And then there was Marty Reid, bringing up the fact that the day was the 52nd anniversary of... RICHARD PETTY'S FIRST NASCAR WIN??? Really?? You'd think someone could Google "non sequitur"...

I feel the worst for Rick DeBruhl and Vince Welch. On a competent broadcast they would be integral cogs in a well-oiled machine. ABC, however, used and abused them this season. I wish they could get work with the VERSUS crew for the last few races just to wash the bad taste out of their mouths.

I know I'm not making any friends saying this and I'm likely burning a bridge or two to boot. But I threw out a challenge last time for ABC to prove me wrong and do better, and not only did they ignore it - they actually got worse.

So I guess I'm off ABC's Christmas card list for good now. A pity, because I'm sure that on the inside the card would have said, "Happy Labor Day!" or something.

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