The Paddock Pulse: Aug 11 Edition

There are plenty of good reasons to spend a day or two cruising the IndyCar blogosphere. Mine currently just happen to be a) a nasty stomach virus and b) outside temperatures that approach the melting point of lead. Seriously, I just cooked an egg over the sidewalk. Not on the sidewalk, over it. SIX FEET over it.

That said, there's so much good stuff out there that you shouldn't wait for repeated projectile vomiting and third-degree foot burns to indulge yourself in some premium bloggy goodness. So get reading, gentle readers. Get reading!

Oh. Links after the jump.

• The Worst IndyCar Drivers Of All-Time [SPEED/Pruett]
  SPOILER ALERT: Milka Duno is leading the voting. But you know what? Jimmy Bly isn't ANYWHERE on this list. The kid throws a tantrum and tears up the streets of LA with his race car only to get caught and lectured by Joe Tanto. At least Milka would have been able to wreck the car somewhere and avoid the lecture by being rushed to a hospital.

• Putting an End to the Blocked Schedule [Drive Hard, Turn Left]
  Boy, it seems as though EVERYONE is against blocking. First Brian Barnhart penalizes Helio for blocking at Edmonton, and now Bill Potter thinks that blocking the schedule according to track type is a bad idea. You know what? Without blocks, WE WOULDN'T HAVE LEGOS. And anyone who tries to take away my precious Danish interlocking blocks is going to have their pancreas detached with a rusty pair of garden shears!

• Simona De Silvestro is earning respect on the race track [ESPN/Oreovicz]
  Okay, I'm getting tired of people comparing Simona de Silvestro to Danica Patrick. All questions of on-track performance aside, if this keeps up eventually someone's going to ask Simona to do a photo shoot like Danica's FHM shoot all those years ago. And people, I don't want to see Simona's ass-crack. Not that I think it'd be ugly - far from it - but some things are best left to the imagination. Can't we keep SOME of our long-cherished mysteries??

• Willy T. Ribbs Report: Mid-Ohio [The Silent Pagoda]
  Oh, Roy Roy Roy... you've embarked on a slippery slope, my friend. By introducing the term "manctuary" to the lexicon, you've opened up a Pandora's Box of man-related hybridisms, e.g.: mancation, mancrowave, Pepto Bisman, mandibular osteotomy, and mangerine. YOU DON'T WANT TO BRING THIS PAIN, BROTHER. It's not worth it. Have some compassion!

• Dreyer & Reinbold: Will Youth Be Served? [Oilpressure]
  Ooohhhhhhhhh boy. George just dug his own grave. Twitter is gonna have a MELTDOWN with the responses from Paul Tracy and Tomas Scheckter to the massive DISSES that George spooned out on them in this article. Wait, what? They're just tweeting about their cars and awesome hotel rooms? Drat. Man, what is it going to TAKE to get these people to embrace their inner Internet troll?

• A Few Predictions for Mid Ohio [pressdog.com]
  Reason number 1 why I never make predictions about races: The first line of Pressdog's Mid-Ohio preview: "1) Dario Franchitti will become churlish and possibly have a violent breakdown after yet another race spent looking at Will Power's rear wing. He'll call P2 'pretty OK, I guess.'" In fairness, if you switch the names it comes out looking pretty accurate. I mention all this not to be cruel, but because I'm still violently jealous that every single hot lady racecar driver wants to be pals with Bill and none of them - NONE OF THEM - will give me the time of day. SEE, WOMEN OF PRESSDOG^tm, HE'S NOT PERFECT!!!! *breaks down in violent caterwauling tears*

• This Week In IndyCar - Where Exactly Is Mid Ohio? [Versus/Blanchard]
  OH, IT IS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG, dear readers. VERSUS' Paddock Pulse impersonator Jamie Blanchard MAKES FUN OF MY TINFOIL HAT. Do you know how many weeks it took me to make this thing? It didn't help that I had to wait for Hobbson to stop stealing all of my Reynolds Wrap to make his Panamanian psychedelic toad traps. If this keeps up, there'll be nothing for it but an EPIC DANCE OFF to settle matters.

• A Call To Arms! [You Don't Know Jack]
  Sometimes there's a really inappropriate joke that you KNOW you shouldn't make, but that you also know will eventually erupt from your chest like in that scene from Alien. Or sometimes you get set up for said joke SO PERFECTLY that to not make it would be considered a crime against humanity. But I shall forbear, because if I made the SO OBVIOUS connection between a blog about getting Alex Zanardi to drive the 2011 Indy 500 pace car and the title being "A Call to ARMS," I would surely be accused of bad taste. And I'd rather that my bad taste be limited to my clothing choices, thank you very much.

Final Thoughts

Ever since I wrote this article about Shane Hmiel making his Firestone Indy Lights debut this month, the IndyCar fan ranks have been rife with dissension about whether it's a good idea or not that a former drug addict and bipolar disorder sufferer should be allowed anywhere near a race car. I made the point that IndyCar was going to be monitoring Hmiel closely and if there was any sign at all that Hmiel was either relapsing with the drugs or that his bipolar disorder was affecting his driving, he would be gone faster than you can say "Graham Rahal's Ferrari."

Not a lot of people agreed with me, and after some contemplation I can see their point. How can we expect IndyCar to be so vigilant and so quick to act when Milka Duno is still driving in IZOD IndyCar Series races? Since her probation went into effect, she has spun out on the first lap at Edmonton, then nearly wiped out the field and spun out at Mid-Ohio. With that level of probation enforcement, some folks are wondering whether Shane Hmiel could actually toke up in medias race and not even get a talking-to afterward.

For the record, though, I still support Hmiel's comeback. At some point, you have to exercise some faith in human nature - even if it does amount to giving someone a fifth or sixth chance. Cynic though I am normally, I still think Hmiel will make good on his promises.