Power Rankings: Sonoma

Zzzzzzzzzz....wha....huh....?  Oh, the race ended.  So much for that.  WOAH!!!  WILL POWER DIDN'T WIN???  Oh, it was Dario.  Red Car.  Whatever.  This is getting ridiculous.  What's it going to take?  A nuclear strike?  Arming Milka Duno with Mario Kart weapons (preferably a blue shell)?  Hell, arming her with REAL weapons?  Perhaps had Tagliani and Simona had nitrous hidden in their firesuits (like a certain fella named "Super Tex" did at least once, so they say on his "SportsCentury" episode) it would've made the race FAR more interesting.  Memo to Bernard: P2P must have more power.  What kind of power?  Play "Ivan Stewart's Off-Road Arcade" and load up on nitros (or even Danny Sullivan's IndyCar version of basically the same game).  Keep hitting the nitro button.  THAT'S what no-passing zone rolling-hill twisties NEED, a P2P button with a million extra horsepower where only the skilled can master it.

Anyway, did Dario's win help him take P1 in the Power Rankings this week?  Well, since that photo was taken "William" hasn't won a single race.  ON TWISTIES.  P1, baby.

THE GRID

1.  Dario Franchitti

Previous ranking:  #2 (+1)

Not seeing Ashley Judd in the post race FOR ONCE was refreshing.  Wait, did I say THAT?  Yep, because I am a member of Trackforum.com, I must say such things from time to time....

2.  Will Power

Previous ranking:  #1 (-1)

Whatever Dario showed him after Toronto may require a visit to a shrink.  TWO straight losses?  He can't be right.

3.  Scott Dixon

Previous ranking:  #3 (no change)

Not even leading a lap at Edmonton couldn't stop him from winning that race.  So what's a bad little pit-stop going to do to him?  Exactly.  Nothing.

4.  Ryan Hunter-Reay

Previous ranking:  #4 (no change)

Survived a Penske sandwich and came back for a top 10.  That incident was further evidence of the invincibility of the Red Cars.  The Red Cars move on and the one getting sandwiched that ISN'T a Red Car fails.  Mmmmm....Dallara sandwich.  Subway, give this man a call.  Forget Carl Edwards.  Nobody likes him anymore anyways (not even Bad Brad haters).   I have a perfect name for the sandwich:  The Foot-Long Crapwagon.  Sorry, Paul Tracy....only ONE per customer.

5.  Helio Castroneves

Previous ranking:  #5 (no change)

Apparently he got over that pretty quickly....

6.  Tony Kanaan

Previous ranking:  #6 (no change)

No, Tony.  Milka does NOT use her mirrors.

7.  Ryan Briscoe

Previous ranking:  #7 (no change)

GOOD NEWS!  Nicole deleted her Twitter account!  That's bad news for the rest of us....

8.  Justin Wilson

Previous ranking:  #8 (no change)

ONE MORE TWISTY LEFT.  And a torn ligament.  Damn.

9.  Marco Andretti

Previous ranking:  #11 (+2)

I'm guessing those moves he was putting on Simona De Silvestro (or at least tried to) for most of the race are the same moves he uses on Playboy bunnies at the mansion.  Notice she didn't even flinch.  REEEEEEJECTED.

10.  Dan Wheldon

Previous ranking:  #9 (-1)

The only good news for him is that he's 10th in the points standings.   That's all I got on him.  Oh, wait....BAKER MASTER!!!

11.  Danica Patrick

Previous ranking:  #10 (-1)

I don't think I saw her for one-half of the race.  It's a new record.  Be thankful of Milka, Danica.  Because of her we actually SAW YOU.

12.  Alex Tagliani

Previous ranking:  #14 (+2)

Of course the one race Tracy, Shecky and The Pastafarian aren't in he almost gets a podium.

13.  Simona De Silvestro

Previous ranking:  #15 (+2)

Fact: that was her first race that she finished ahead of Danica Patrick.  Bigger fact: so far no one has noticed or made a fuss about it.  That's how far ahead she was.  She obviously wasn't going to mess around this time.

14.  Vitor Meira

Previous ranking:  #12 (-2)

I finally found one thing AJ and Danica have in common besides throwing a fit every now and then: they can't wait for the ovals.

15.  Raphael Matos

Previous ranking:  unranked

That permanent stuble on his face means only one thing: Tony Stewart fan.

DNQ (Bumped from the field)

E.J. Viso

Previous ranking:  #13 (no longer ranked)

The KV Carnival of Carnage came back with a VENGEANCE.  Humanity be damned.

Graham Rahal

So heartbroken for the loss of @NicoleMBriscoe he couldn't even backup his fast practice speed.

Takuma Sato

REMEMBER, NO F1 TIRE WARMERS!!!!