Friday Pre-Race: Simo....errr....Sonoma

Bob Jenkins practices for the Versus telecast of the upcoming IndyCar race at Sonoma….

"Hello, race fans!  You are watching the IndyCars at Simona, Califor….DAMMIT!  Okay, Bob.  Just like you practiced yesterday….At Mid-Ohio, rookie Sonoma De Sil….NOT AGAIN!  I spent the better part of the winter getting her name right!  I was hoping she would lose her ride by now so I wouldn't have to bother mixing her name up with Simona, Californ….SONOFABITCH!  Screw it, I'll just say Sears Point.  D'OH!  It's Infenion now.  This isn't Winston Cup on ESPN anymore.  *sigh*  Arute is right.  Drinking and chain smoking would solve most problems such as this.  How else would he come up with those props?"

Now that Bob got that out of the way, we can now concentrate on the race at hand.  SEARS POINT (I'll say it.  That name sounds better) marks the final twisty event of the IndyCar season.  That means only one more race the non-Red Cars might win (no WAY anybody else has a shot, unless there's a surprise short-oval for Kanaan to dominate.  Wait, ISC just told me to GTFO....) with a funky strategy call.  Snore-oma hasn't really produced much excitement over the years and I'm guessing this year won't be any different.  Those turbos can't come soon enough for the 0.3 of us. 

So Will Power it is, then?  Oh, yea I forgot: HE HASN'T WON IN TWO RACES!  So who should take his place as the one to watch Sunday?  Of course, it's one of the other FOUR Red Cars.

THE FAVORITE (BEST RED CAR):  Dario "Wait, that a mullet?" Franchitti

I swear if I hear "Chiple" or "Ganassi Sweep" one more time….something tells me The Captain has something special in store for the Homestead finale.  NO WAY Penske lets Ganassi get away with this.

THE BEST OF THE REST (BEST NON-RED CAR):  Ryan "Kasey Kahne's long lost brother?" Hunter-Reay

He is Obi-wan Kenobi.  He is our only hope. 

THE MARTY "SLOTH" ROTH BACKMARKER (NOT NAMED MILKA):  Danica "NASCAR'S own" Patrick

Something's happened.  There was a time she was a threat for a top-5 finish week in and week out.  Is it the NASCAR deal?  Can't be.  AJ would punch my face in for thinking so.  Whatever it is she's lost it over the winter break and hasn't really found it since.  She isn't even in the top 10 in points anymore.  Last year she was getting solid finishes each week.  So if it isn't the NASCAR deal then what is IT?  Well, ever since

SHE came along….

....wait, did I just discover Danica's problem?  Has she had her MOJO STOLEN?  BY HER?  The more I think about it, the more sense it sort of makes.  After all, ever since she started racing IndyCars at Brazil Danica has just sort of disappeared.  After the great fire at Texas all of a sudden Danica was a threat again. 

Hmmmm….