Power Rankings: Chicagoland



Last time we saw a roundy-round race, TK obliterated the Red Car Death Star and even raised our hopes for the upcoming twisty races.  DOH!  So much for that.  The Death Star has been completed on schedule AND is operational.  Too much Power and too much Ganassi has rendered the competition to the dark ages.  Sonoma had yet another 1-2-3-4-5 Red Car finish.  It's getting to the point that I'm running out of material for these guys.  The only things left to say about them….well….I have to make my posts SOMEWHAT family oriented (although for some families that shouldn't be a problem no matter what I say).

As much as an oval fan that I am (NASCAR will do that to you, and cause you to murder people for touching you at the grocery store checkout line) I have a hard time getting into IndyCar ovals.  You can say all you want about how exciting they are (yes, they are) but ovals usually intensify the advantage of superior equipment.  The Red Cars have something better: superior attachments....and the superior Power Rankings.




1.  Will Power
Previous ranking:  #2 (+1)

Willy P back in da house.


2.  Dario Franchitti
Previous ranking:  #1 (-1)

Not begging for team orders Alonso-style when Dixie got past means much respect and karma for great finishes ahead.  But did he LET Dixie go?  If so....


3.  Scott Dixon
Previous ranking:  #3 (no change)

Why do I have this funny feeling that Mr. Unexcitement going to sweep the ovals….?


4.  Helio Castroneves
Previous ranking:  #5 (+1)

It looks like yet another year without a title.  He gets mad at Mario Moraes and the "block" penalty but not at this.  Then again, I don't have 3 Indy 500 wins….neither does the other guys.


5.  Ryan Hunter-Reay
Previous ranking:  #4 (-1)

So that pre-race bit Versus had about him showed that he DOESN'T surf with a polo shirt.  LIARS!  I feel cheated.


6.  Ryan Briscoe
Previous ranking:  #7 (+1)

Forget Nicole Briscoe's dead Twitter's something EVEN BETTER.


7.  Tony Kanaan
Previous ranking:  #6 (-1)

That blindfolded lap of Sonoma….come on, TK.  WEAK SAUCE.  Take lessons from THE MASTER.


8.  Justin Wilson
Previous ranking:  #8 (no change)

Game over.


9.  Marco Andretti
Previous ranking:  #9 (no change)

Those silver tips on the Andretti Autosport cars ain't chrome horns, Marco.


10.  Dan Wheldon
Previous ranking:  #10 (no change)

Me posting a picture of him making bread last week….wasn't a good idea.  Danny, meet The Breadman.  And meet the asphalt.


11.  Danica Patrick
Previous ranking:  #11 (no change)

A great comeback from starting beside Milka(!) to the top 10 ruined by a kamikaze pilot.  The Old Danica would've owned the HELL out of Takuma post-race.  I'm not impressed with this Rainbows/kittens/baby seals version of The Danistar.  The Old Danica was a winning driver and a threat.  The New Danistar isn't even in the top 10.  We want our Princess back!


12.  Alex Tagliani
Previous ranking:  #12 (no change)

I had a tire once go down on me.  When the tire was taken off there was a blade from a Swiss army knife inside.  I guess Alex now knows the feeling.  What was more surprising to him?  It was Simona or it WASN'T Tracy this time?


13.  Simona De Silvestro
Previous ranking:  #13 (no change)

Chrome horns, Swiss army knives, divebombs….where has THIS been all year?!?!?  You're next, EJ.


14.  Raphael Matos


Previous ranking: #15 (+1)

That two-wheeled Dukes of Hazzard wheel stand through the dirt combined with that permanent facial stubble probably means he's the next open-wheeler to go NASCAR on us.


15.  Vitor Meira
Previous ranking:  #14 (-1)

One more no-show means out of my Power Rankings.  Probably also means a punch in the FACE from AJ.  These are ovals.  Make SuperTex proud.  Or else.



DNQ (Bumped from the field)



Graham Rahal

I'm thinking @NotNicoleMB is him.  I hope so.  How can it NOT be?


Alex Lloyd


Shhhhhhhhh.  He's currently leading the Rookie of the Year title fight.


Bertrand Baguette


I HAVE to give this guy props.  He's been quietly been making some nice top 15 finishes.  That is, until EJ went A-hole on him.  Dude, EJ….you're a LAP DOWN.  People are racing.  What is it with Venezuelans and getting into people's way on a track????


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