The Paddock Pulse: August 25 Edition

There are rumors to the effect that this weekend's race at Chicagoland Speedway might be the last, and people seem to be pretty upset about that.

For my part, the only circular-shaped things in Chicago that I really care about are the pizzas that issue forth from the ovens at Gino's East. If you've ever wanted to know what a tongue-gasm feels like, you will want to fly post-haste to Chicago and head downtown for a Gino's deep dish.

I've really got to stop posting these articles around lunchtime. *eats desk calendar*

This week's succulent pepperoni-laden extra-cheese-topped pan full of bloggy yumslices follows the jump...

• Size Matters: Put Something in That Man’s Hands He Can be Proud of [...and he’s on it]
  I'm going to blame the Delta Wing for the nasty phallic imagery that is no doubt flooding your mind looking at this headline. Seriously, ever since that thing was unveiled it's like everyone has been obsessed with man snausages! Man, Freud would have a field day with this one, and by "field day" I mean he would blame this all on Brian Barnhart's mother. No class, Sigmund. Pick on someone else for a change!!

• Is Dominance Boring? [Drive Hard, Turn Left]
  Is this a trick question? Because man, if there's anyone qualified to talk about DOMINANCE, it's Bill. Dude is not only running DHTL now but he's also THE BIG CHEESE over at SBN Indiana. And just like poor Scott Dixon on Sunday, all I can do is look at the ass-end of his rear wing as it disappears into the sunset with tears of frustration in my eyes. (Seriously! THE ICEMAN WEPT!)

• What Women Want – More Ovals [Oilpressure]
  George turned the reins over to Susan Scruggs this week. I have to say, she makes a point. Because if the IndyCar series adds more ovals, she will become more of a fan, and that right there is technically GROWTH. Sure, there's a danger of creating a false data point by extrapolating one person's opinion into a general consensus, but I was right about all Americans wanting Oreo-flavored anesthetic for major surgeries, wasn't I? IT'S SCIENCE, PEOPLE!

• The Playboy argument [Planet-IRL]
  It's pretty clear here that Steph is not a fan of Playboy involvement in IndyCar racing. I'm somewhat torn, personally. It has nothing to do with having seen Danica's ass-crack in FHM all those years ago. If anything, that killed any nascent enamoration I might have had with the "adult world" mixing with racing. But the articles, folks. THE ARTICLES. Dare we distance ourselves from such potent journalism? A racing series cannot survive on Marshall Pruett alone!!

• Danica vs. Takuma: "That stupid (expletive) did it on purpose" ... or not? [pressdog.com]
  This is an important link to follow for no other reason than it references Mike King's shadowy breakfast companion as an informational source. You may not know this, but Mike King's Breakfast Spectre is the Deep Throat of IndyCar racing. Give him a slice of bacon, and he'll spill the beans on any paddock controversy you want. So if you see Robin Miller dashing by you at Chicagoland with a box of Raisin Bran cereal in his hands, you'll know why. HE'S AFTER TWO SCOOPS! (Enjoy the veal.)

• Don’t Stop! [You Don't Know Jack]
  I'm disappointed in the Leatherman. He forgot to add "...Thinking About Tomorrow" to his blog title. (He is talking about the future of IndyCar promotions - IT STILL WORKS!) Anyway, he seems to think that we're all negative about the Texas Two-Step (and who wouldn't be, except aficionados of explosive diarrhea brought on by bad tacos?). I'll have you know, Arute, that I'm not on any donkey cart at all. My carts get pulled by duckbilled platypuses. You should see how fast they can run!

Final Thoughts

Our transplanted EMOTICONIC Race Chat over at VERSUS.com was fun and all - we got to see a lot of folks who don't normally show up, like George and Will and even Bill for a few moments before he went live-blogging on his own. But we missed having our usual array of ridiculous sound clips and goofy images to accompany the on-screen action, so we'll be BACK HOME AGAIN for Chicago. Make sure you join us!