The Paddock Pulse: August 4 Edition

Paddock Pulse Splash

In preparing for this week's edition of The Paddock Pulse, I happened upon VERSUS.com's headlines from the past week and found an item called "Tracking the IndyCar Web." Now, normally I'm a fierce proponent of the maxim that "imitation is the sincerest form of flattery," but in this case VERSUS annoyed me for several reasons:

  • There's not enough snark in the article recapping.
  • There is an egregious over-reliance on VERSUS content and very little on the rest of the blogosphere.
  • There is no mention at all of me in there.

So, for that reason, I'm going to be suing the pants off of VERSUS for stealing my idea and what's more doing it poorly, because that's how I roll - righteous indignation that can only be headed off through bribery or link-sharing.

This week's links after the jump.

  • End of the line for Milka Duno? [ESPN/Oreovicz]
    At first, I thought Oreo was making a reference to the new Tron movie coming out, and I was gonna be all geeked out about it, but then I noticed the "the" and that ruined the whole "John Oreovicz is the MCP" vibe. Which kinda sucks because seeing Milka Duno's car all lit up in neon and then smashed into bits by a Recognizer would be pretty sweet.

  • Italian racer joins Conquest for two events [Indy Racing Revolution]
    Francesco Dracone is someone 99% of the IndyCar fan base has never heard of - or, really, are likely to hear of again after his ride buy is done. Nevertheless, his advent onto the tour gives us the great - albeit brief - pleasure of introducing FRANK DRACO, the heir apparant to the Joe Tanto legacy. It's all part of the buildup to Driven 2: Tanto Boogaloo, the blockbuster straight-to-DVD smash coming to a bargain bin near you.

  • Open Mic: Rambling Tuesday Afternoon Edition [The Silent Pagoda]
    Frankly, not even Babelfish can translate what goes through Hobbson's head on some days, but stylistically... well, Roy speaks to me. He speaks to me like a chicken carbonara sandwich from Quiznos speaks to my stomach, or like Edward Cullen speaks to my total loathing of ridiculously one-dimensional sparkle-encrusted literary characters. I'd say that if he wrote a list of names out of the phone book, it would be entertaining - but then I realized that's kind of stalkerish. Would you want Hobbson blogging your address??

  • Should IndyCar Say No To Pocono? [Oilpressure]
    You know, the interesting thing is that IndyCar says "no" to Pocono every time they mention the track name! It's unavoidable! Now, if the place was called "PocoYES" Raceway, then the whole experience would be a lot more positive. But that'd just be silly.

  • The Block: The discussion continues [Planet-IRL]
    Funny story - I thought this article was going to be about the virtues of Legos. Turns out Steph was talking about the Honda Indy Edmonton and the whole blocking thing, not super-cool plastic building blocks from Denmark that feature heavily in a series of video games based on hit movies. But since it was Stephanie, I tried very very hard not to be disappointed when I read through this article. (Next time, Steph - include pictures of LegoLand!)

  • Who is Cameron the IZOD Trophy Girl? [pressdog.com]
    This may be the shortest-ever Pressdog post I've ever linked to. But I did so because of the subject, which is IZOD TROPHY GIRL. Bill's attempt to add her to his ever-growing harem aside, IZOD TROPHY GIRL fascinates me with her Forrest Gump ability to be in or around every single momentous event in IndyCar racing. I'm sure she's far more well-spoken than Forrest, though. She certainly looks a lot better.

  • Roy Hobbson's 7 Stages of Helio Meltdown [Versus/Hobbson]
    A couple of weeks ago, VERSUS forced Roy Hobbson to go all legit, getting actual quotes from actual people and writing an actual piece of journalism. It went as well as could be expected (by which I mean, very well; DAMN YOU, HOBBSON!), but this week he's back to making VERSUS' web site look like Barney the Dinosaur tied up with duct tape and plunged into a vat of high-strength acid - you know it's wrong and will end up horrifying and nauseating to look at, but you can't help but cheer while it happens.

  • To Block Or Not To Block [You Don't Know Jack]
    I have it on good authority that Jack's next blog post is going to be called, "To Blave, or Not to Blave." And we all know that "to blave" means "to bluff." That's right, biotches, I totally laid down The Princess Bride on your asses! You'll be quoting the movie endlessly all day and you won't be able to stop yourselves! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I don't sleep much lately.

Final Thoughts

We're back to racing this week. At the last race, Milka Duno spun out on the first lap and was swiftly parked by the Iron Hand of Justice. I'm somewhat curious to see what happens this week. Mid-Ohio is a technical track, a driver's track, and there aren't very many good passing zones to boot. If you decide to join us in our EMOTICONIC Race Chat during the race, we'll be taking bets on the over/under for which lap Milka will be parked.

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