The Paddock Pulse: September 1 Edition

Paddock Pulse Splash

A kind of eventful week since the last issue, amirite? A possible owner revolt, a thrilling yet sparsely-attended and underpromoted race at Chicagoland, dogs and cats living together... MASS HYSTERIA!

But it's September now, and that means that it's time to leave all of that in our rear-view and look forward to OMIGOSH OMIGOSH PAUL TRACY IS BACK IN THE SERIES! (faints) This is the best Canadian thing to happen to September since NHL training camp!

Phew. Okay, now that we've had our Snoopy Dance for the day, let's get straight to our selections from the blogosphere to act as icing on the cake.

  • Michael Andretti: Owning His Heritage [...and he’s on it]
    Turns out that Andretti Autosport employs a surprisingly large number of Americans in its racing efforts. Because AMERICANS RULE! (Although, to be fair, the American kid who made my crunchy taco at Taco Bell today only filled the shell halfway, while the Mexican lady at McDonalds gave my wife extra fries and an immaculately-made chicken sandwich.)

  • My Kinda Town [Drive Hard, Turn Left]
    Bill, who has been absolutely LIGHTING IT UP at SBN Indiana, admits that before the IndyCar race at Chicagoland, his only knowledge of Joliet came from the movie The Blues Brothers. If he were a real journalist, he'd have watched Ferris Bueller's Day Off to advance his Chicago knowledge a few years. (LET MY CAMERON GOOOOOOOOOO!)

  • Southbound & Down (in Kentucky): Paul Meets Justin [The Silent Pagoda]
    This recap by Hobbson of Paul Tracy and Justin Wilson discussing their teammate relations at Dreyer & Reinbold Racing is largely accurate, save for one thing - he missed the nationalistic insults. To wit: I have it on good authority that Wilson called Tracy a "Kamloops beaver sledder," while Tracy called Wilson a "a tall plate of bangers and mash with a side of chips, what" (this last insult being so weak, Tracy then followed up with a roundhouse kick to the nipples, since his legs aren't long enough to reach Wilson's face).

  • An interview with Brian Barnhart [More Front Wing]
    Hey! Did you know that Milka Duno's probation is contingent upon two things - staying within 107% in qualifying and not bringing out full-course cautions? That's like granting parole to The Seacaucus Slasher because he tied his shoes correctly for three straight days. (Fun fact: successful shoe-tying is the most accurate legal means of determining sanity in the known universe. THAT'S SCIENCE, AMIGOS.)

  • Is It Time For KV To Scale Back? [Oilpressure]
    SPOILER ALERT: No! In fact, we need KV Racing to expand to six cars. Why? Because IndyCar is losing the mayhem audience to NASCAR, that's why. I mean, seriously - what other teams have had the courtesy to spray bits and pieces of their cars all over the track surface lately? KVR is performing a necessary service here, folks. Think of how boring IndyCar would be without a weekly banzai dive-bomb pass from Takuma Sato. Yawnsville.

  • Deluxe Notes from the 2010 IndyCar Race at Chicagoland [pressdog.com]
    You remember that strange sound you heard over the engine noise during the Chicagoland race broadcast? The one that sounded like strange gurgling and choked wheezing? That was the sound of Pressdog having an anxiety-based conniption fit - amplified by empty grandstand seats - when Sarah Fisher took and held the lead midway through the race. Thankfully, Sarah didn't win - otherwise during the Victory Lane ceremony Bill's head would have exploded like Belloq's at the end of Raiders of the Lost Ark.

  • Peak Antifreeze & Motor Oil 300 [the_race_gIRL]
    Here's the irony about Monica - she's the only blogger with enough BALLS to post her picks publicly prior to a race weekend. That does not speak well for those of us with the Y chromosome. Anyway, Monica basically whiffed on her picks (although she DID mention Marco Andretti, so we'll give her a patented Texas Twin half-point in compensation), but she did it so entertainingly nobody would have noticed except that I just mentioned it. You're welcome, Monica!

  • That Ship Has Sailed! [You Don't Know Jack]
    The Leatherman weighs in on the "owner revolt" as well, and not surprisingly he's firmly on IndyCar's side. He warns that if the owners and the series come together in conflict, they might end up like a pair of circulating fans with their safety guards removed... ohhhhhh. Too soon?

  • Both Barrels [SPEED/Robin Miller]
    So Robin follows up the article that started the Revolt Panic of 2010 with a missive that purports to let loose with the eponymous "both barrels" on the owners for being greedhead douchebags. Well, he fell a bit short, because he never even mentioned the term "greedhead douchebags"! Do I have to do EVERYTHING around here?

  • Can’t We All Just Get Along? [SPEED/Marshall Pruett]
    When I read this article by Marshall Pruett, I couldn't help but think of Leo Tolstoy's classic epic War and Peace. Sure, because it deals with themes of historic conflict, stories of aristocracy versus the common man, and so forth, but mostly because HOLY JEEBUS IT'S 1225 PAGES LONG!!!! Still, you should read through the whole thing if only to get to the part where the owners say, "If we wanted to run IndyCar, we'd already be doing it by now." They can totally beat up your dad, too!

Final Thoughts

You really ought to go over to More Front Wing and give PressDalb, Miss Steph, and Bash a few of your hard-earned pageviews. It has all the greatest stuff from Planet-IRL without the now-in-disfavor series acronym and, most importantly, with BLACK TEXT ON A WHITE BACKGROUND!! Keep up the good work, folks!

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