So I was thinking... in 1979, most of the country was socked in by a giant snow blizzard and consequently were stuck watching the Daytona 500 when Cale Yarborough and Bobby Allison decided to dance the Redneck Cha-Cha on the Daytona backstretch. NASCAR ratings exploded after that, all because Mother Nature forced people to discover the sport instead of, I dunno, spending their free time saving puppies from drowning or something.
Could the SnowPocalypse of 2011 do the same for Pop Off Valve's page views?
Of course not. Even if snowbound people could only surf to ONE PAGE of the Internet (read: this one), I'm pretty certain that most folks would most likely decide to spend their cabin fever by finally getting to that stubborn hard water stain around the base of their toilet.
But I know there are at least seven of you out there who LIVE to read the Paddock Pulse - and it's for you that I am posting this in my shirtsleeves here in Phoenix while you are shivering and stranded in a mountain of snow that looks like it was sent straight from Mordor.
A Big-Name Cup Driver Doing the Double... Keep Dreaming [15 Days in May]
I don't know if anyone is actually dreaming about a Cup-driver double. I saw that video on YouTube, and I was thoroughly disgusted. I mean, I still have nightmares about it-- waitaminute, you're talking about a CUP DRIVER racing in two races? Hmm. I think I misread that. I saw the word "cup" and thought-- well, never mind. Forget I said anything.
CHIP SLAM: Ganassi goes 1-2 in Rolex 24 [Indy Racing Revolution]
I always thought a "chip slam" was when you showed up to a Mexican restaurant and asked for the "FRIGGIN' HOT" salsa during a football game. Apparently I am mistaken on that score. By the way, I wouldn't recommend the practice. Space shuttles aren't the only thing launched on a pillar of fire, if you know what I mean.
Six Quick Questions With Conor Daly [IndyCar Advocate]
I have a question for Conor: since his name is Conor D., why not adopt the condor as his official logo image? Get it? ConDor? *crickets* I guess there's a reason why nobody takes free marketing advice from strangers.
A guest post from Mrs JP [JP's Indycar Blog]
Ohhhh, SNAP. Now, not only is Mrs. JP wearing the pants in the family, but she's ALSO wearing the ratty bathrobe and flipflops of the professional blogger to boot! JP had better just give up now and turn in his man card. Don't worry, JP, I know of a great place that recycles man cards - they really treated me well when I went therrrrrrrbut I digress. (Let's speak of this offline, shall we?)
Panther: David Nisbet, Bodywork/Transportation [More Front Wing]
You might think that the nickname "McLovin'" might be some belated hipster snark - until you see the actual photo of the guy in the article. I mean, WOW, dude. The resemblance is seriously scary. It's almost Jesse Eisenberg/Michael Cera scary. And that resemblance scares the crap out of everyone in America, so that should give you the proper perspective.
Vukovich – Part I [Oilpressure]
For a second, I thought this article was going to be the blog equivalent of Leonard: Part 6. Fortunately for everyone, it isn't. And yeah, I just dropped a reference on you that you'll have to Google and still not understand because it was so far before your time that you are now laughing at me and my Geritol breath. IT'S MY DENTURES, MAN. Broccoli-stank just doesn't brush out.
IndyCar Team Experiences Role Reversal on Centennial Tour [pressdog.com]
For me, the highlight of the IndyCar goodwill tour to the war zone had to be Mario Andretti tweeting about being asked not to poop on the flight across the ocean. But then, I'm shallow and lacking in basic intelligence, so I'm pretty sure you'll get something more meaningful from it.
Randy Bernard looks back at his Professional Bull Riders days [The Official Blog of the IZOD IndyCar Series]
Brace yourself, because here it comes... the least inventive pun ever written! Ready? No, seriously, are you READY? Don't say I didn't warn you. "I bet Randy's thinking, 'I thought I was done with all the bullshit.'" HA-CHAAAAAAAAAA!!!! Enjoy the veal, folks. *burned at the stake*
Curse of the Rookies [One Lap Down]
Wouldn't it be more entertaining if Jeff had titled this, "Curse AT the Rookies"? I guarantee you that the comments section would be much more colorful - particularly if Hobbson decided to chime in after a NyQuil/Bosnian Goat Fluid cocktail. If only... if only.
Driver Tweet of the Week
@12WillPower: @will_davison they.......will......never......get....the.....T-bar....out....of....me....
Today, I'm kinda glad I'm not "Back Home Again in Indiana."