The Paddock Pulse: March 23 Edition

There is ACTUAL RACING on the schedule this coming weekend. No lie! That means that my usual meaningless blatherings will actually have... well, they'll still be pretty meaningless. BUT - while I blather, there will be ACTUAL RACING.

I fully expect the volume of blog posts to increase at least a billion-fold after St. Petersburg this weekend, because the blogosphere is by nature reactive. Not at all like me - or the Paddock Pulse for that matter. Did you know I actually write the snarky link comments a week before the Pulse goes out and the individual bloggers are forced to write their posts to suit them?

Well, that's actually a boldfaced lie (or LIE - har). What isn't a lie is that there are some tasty link morsels to slobber over this week, so hit the jump to get started.

• Your 2011 IndyCar Team-by-Team Preview [IndyCar Advocate]
  What better way for the Pulse to start than with a preview of the 2011 IndyCar grid? I'll tell you what better way - CHEERIOS. Them little round nuggets of yum are good for your gastric system. Nothing says "colon health" like a big bowl of Cheerios. (General Mills categorically declaims all involvement in the previous statement.)

• What’s on your 2011 INDYCAR wish list? [More Front Wing]
  ITEM #1 ON BASH'S LIST: Ensure placement on Paddock Pulse list while Paul and Steph sit and stew helplessly on the sidelines. Wish: FULFILLED. Because that's how I roll, people. That's how I roll.

• We Will Miss Jack Arute [Oilpressure]
  Will I miss Jack Arute? You bet. Would I like to be interviewed by Jack Arute? Um. Well, I DO have a small issue with people invading my personal space, and I'm sorry, but I eat too much beef jerky not to start involuntarily salivating when I see Jack's skin. But sure, he seems like a fun guy. (He knows I kid, right? I really don't want him doing a prop demonstration with my pancreas.)

• #teamwho? [Open Wheel America]
  I THINK this may be Catie Rinderknecht's first appearance on the Pulse. If so, HI CATIE. Oh, and just so you all know, when Catie talks about which team she should be on, THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE'S TALKING ABOUT. Don't look innocent - I know you guys and your sick little minds. You all deserve a major spanking. STOP LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT.

• IndyCar Headquarters Swamped with Balloon Enthusiasts [pressdog.com]
  This is why I love Bill. His writing is a multi-layered SMORGASBORD of meaning. Like, the main pun is about trial balloons, BUT he's also subtly referencing the fact that the Indianapolis Motor Speedway's first competitive event was... A HOT AIR BALLOON RACE. That, friends, is SOLID WRITING. (Unless he didn't mean to reference that, in which case: MISSED OPPORTUNITY, bro.)

• A Slow News Day [One Lap Down]
  THAT'S RIGHT, BEEYOTCHES - Da Nooch just laid down a Mr. Creosote reference on your asses! That's big league. And he didn't resort to saying something like, "James Jakes' resume is wahfer theen..." which would have been WAY too obvious. Kudos, Jeff. Ku. Dos.

• Life in the Pits [The Darkened Tower]
  I am of the opinion that every news day needs at least 3/4 tablespoon of Roy Hobbson. Like a fine addictive chemical that provides short-term hallucinations and long-term tooth and neural decay, a daily dose of Hobbson will cure what ails ya. I AM somewhat disappointed that the title of this piece didn't refer to Roy's deodorant. (By "somewhat disappointed," of course, I mean, "thoroughly relieved.")

Driver Tweet of the Week

@Wade_Cunningham: Well that was disappointing, after lurking in the Target womens underwear section for 15 minutes they didn't have what I needed...

Final Thoughts

Never start a Douglas Adams quote-off with a British racing driver who quite easily proves she is smarter than you.