ABOUT.  DAMN.  TIME.

Finally the season is starting.  The BS of the long off-season has come to a close and finally competitive laps will be turned this weekend.  With that and by popular demand (?) comes the return of POWER RANKINGS!

Wait, how in the heck can power rankings be accurate if the season hasn't started yet?  Easy.  Through a scientific process involving calculators, dart boards, booze, hermetically sealed envelopes stored in mayonnaise jars, more booze, professional racing drivers PLAYING THE WRONG GAME (MAJOR ranking deduction....silly driver, Grand Turismo 5 is for kids!) and other top secret methods that if known would proabably land me in jail.

So without revealing too much about my methods here is the first Power Rankings for the 2011 season!

 

THE GRID

 

1.  #10 - Dario Franchitti

2010 Power Ranking: #1

I was going to put Will Power on top of the first power rankings of the year, but he still is not married to Ashley Judd, does not appear on David Letterman's show, nor does he have a Scottish Bagpipe band follow him and play where ever and whenever he makes a public appearance.

 

2.  #12 - Will Power

2010 Power Ranking: #2

With Chip Ganassi dominating the entire realm of North American racing last year The Captain, as angry as ever, will probably have Will win every road course event and win the title by August.

 

3.  #3 - Helio Castroneves

2010 Power Ranking: #3

Okay, THIS YEAR is the year he finally wins the title.  Again.

 

4.  #9 - Scott Dixon

2010 Power Ranking: #4

SEE?  HE CAN BE INTERESTING AND UNBORING!

 

5.  #6 - Ryan Briscoe

2010 Power Ranking: #7

Okay, Ryan...this is a big sponsor your boss stole found for you.  Don't let him down (again).

 

6.  #28 - Ryan Hunter-Reay

2010 Power Ranking: #6

Looks like he's the ace of the staff this year.  Not having TK around won't be easy.  Babysitting the Andretti Autosport kids solo can drive one mad.  I apologize, Mike Conway.  Didn't mean to call you that.  I'm still not used to you driving for Andretti.

 

7.  #22 - Justin Wilson

2010 Power Ranking: #12

He's been waiting more than half a year for this.  No, not the start of the season....the start of the road courses!

 

8.  #38 - Graham Rahal

2010 Power Ranking: #13

No pressure, kid.

 

9.  #82 - Tony Kanaan

2010 Power Ranking: #5

Paul's not mad at him apparently.

 

10.  #26 - Marco Andretti

2010 Power Ranking: #10

Time to back up the talk by walking the walk.

 

11.  #27 - Mike Conway

2010 Power Ranking: unranked

Please, PLEASE no GoDaddy commercials.

 

12.  #77 - Alex Tagliani

2010 Power Ranking: #11

No more FAZZT Racing....Schmidt happened.

 

13.  #7 - Danica Patrick

2010 Power Ranking: #9

Welcome to the 2011 Farewell to a Princess Tour...?

 

14.  #14 - Vitor Meira

2010 Power Ranking: #14

So, driving Super Tex's old livery aren't we? Do him proud and as usual don't get him mad.  I shouldn't have to tell you what that's like....

 

15.  #02 - Oriol Servia

2010 Power Ranking: unranked

Tested quite fast.  Now lets see NHR match the performance with solid sponsorship, unlike last year...

 

 

 

DNQ (Bumped from the field)

 

#4 - JR Hildebrand

2010 Power Ranking: unranked

The fauxhawk....son, we have to talk.

 

#78 - Simona De Silvestro

2010 Power Ranking: unranked

Say what you want about the awkwardness and the untimely nature of having Nuclear Power as a sponsor, the last time she started a racing season with them....

 

#5 - Takuma Sato

2010 Power Ranking: unranked

Stop wrecking....

 

#59 - EJ Viso

2010 Power Ranking: unranked

....you too.

 

#83 - Charlie Kimball

2010 Power Ranking: unranked

No pressure for you either, kid.  It's just only a Ganassi-prepped car, rookie...

 

#36 - Sebastain Saavedra

2010 Power Ranking: unranked

Testing showed he wasn't quite as fast as his hairstyle.

 

#17 - Rafa Matos

2010 Power Ranking: unranked

Is this a proper full-time deal?  We'll see...still better than nothing I suppose, and any team is better than a team with its doors closed and who didn't want you in the first place.

 

#24 - Ana Beatriz

2010 Power Ranking: unranked

She's bringing South American petroleum sponsorship and she was at the bottom of the speed charts in testing.  Uh-oh.  Actually I wouldn't worry about this one.  Hey, it could've been worse....

(I apologize for the comparison...she actually showed speed once she got laps under her belt during races last year, unlike the other one....)

 

#18 - James Jakes

2010 Power Ranking: unranked

Just  one question....

 

 

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