The Paddock Pulse: March 30 Edition

Someone told me that today wasn't April Fools Day, but I thought it was an April Fools Day prank and thus got caught up in a recursive loop of logic bombs.

You'd be a fool (hah!) if you pass up this meaty list of links. Honestly? This is a giant TORPEDO of incredibleness, folks, that will explode against you and cause you to sink into the murky abyss of joy and satisfaction.

Yes, I desperately need a vacation.

Check 'em at the jump...

• Bean Machine: St. Petersburg [Indy Racing Revolution]
  Ponch's site isn't really a blog so much as it is the place where Ponch publishes his Ponchitude when he's not writing for snooty-patootie places like FOX and IndyCar Nation. In other words, it's Ponch's slum. He probably has 68 times the hits that we have because of his prolificiencissitude (yeah, that's a word, look it up [Ed. note: don't look it up]) so I'm not sure why I'm linking this, but never let it be said that I don't do Ponch favors. Like calling him Ponch.

• Americans Scale The Open Wheel Ladder [IndyCar Advocate]
  Step by step, one by one... higher and higher! THEY'RE CLIMBING JACOB'S LADDER! And by Jacob, I obviously mean Mazda's. Mazda sounds like Jacob, right? Like, in Esperanto or something? I don't know, I'm not a cunning linguist.

• After Six months of.... [JP's Indycar Blog]
  WHINEY BLOGGERS! Those bastards. I agree with JP - those whiney bloggers should be strung up naked by their nipples and flayed until their skins become a sick, cannibalistic form of bacon for CLUB SANDWICHES, to be devoured by the TOTALLY AWESOME. (Something tells me that JP got a bit annoyed by the offseason.)

• MFW podcast episode 36 [More Front Wing]
  I know, I know - you are all so intent on the whole "WHO GETS PUBLISHED THIS WEEK???" drama in every Pulse issue when it comes to More Front Wing. Well, I figured this week I'd let you guys LISTEN to Paul and Steph arguing with each other instead of reading. MORE IMMEDIACY! MORE YELLING! Oh, and that Aussie guy they roped into joining them (under the pretense of ordering his custom-made vegemite ice cream).

• Should They Ditch The Double-File Re-Starts? [Oilpressure]
  YES! I mean, NO! I mean... what? No, look, George makes a good point here - that now is not the time to panic. That time is actually seven seconds from now. So you can chill out, kick back, and relaOHMYDEARLORDWEMUSTGETRIDOFDOUBLEFILERESTARTS! GAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!

• I’m Mad As Hell, And I’m Not Going To Take This Anymore [Open Wheel America]
  FACE!

• I Appreciate Dan Wheldon More and More [pressdog.com]
  You know the interesting thing? Like a fine wine or a savings bond, DAN WHELDON HIMSELF appreciates over time. Why, the value of a vintage Dan Wheldon is now on par with a really fine set of Cutco steak knives or - as was announced this past weekend - an Indy 500 ride with Bryan Herta Autosport! So hold onto your Wheldons, folks... they're a good investment.

• She Has the Hand [One Lap Down]
  I was present on Twitter while Jeff was doing some of his research on Ana Beatriz' hand fracture, and man - that dude does his HOMEWORK. Which is something I used to do back in school, but now that I'm older I tend not to because, well, it's WORK. And as everyone knows, work and blogging are two separate and incompatible entities - RIGHT, MAINSTREAM MEDIA FOLKS?

• The sun shines on a puddle of mud [Versus/Jeff Olson]
  Been remiss in posting Jeff Olson's stuff lately, so let me just apologize for saying that, for a guy who spends all day in his jammies watching bikini-clad beachwalkers bounce slowly by while eating a Thirstbuster cup full of Lucky Charms and scratching his soul patch languidly under the turgid sun... whoops, sorry, I got caught up in the moment. GADS, what a lifestyle.

Driver Tweet of the Week

@dariofranchitti: @paultracy3 thanks nuts!!

Final Thoughts

On to the next one.