The Paddock Pulse: April 7 Edition

YES, THE PADDOCK PULSE IS A DAY LATE. But it is not a dollar short (well, except for the fact that I get paid roughly 1/765th of what I deserve for my excessive allowance of AWESOME SAUCE), because we have more links today than, well, you can shake a stick at.

THAT'S RIGHT, BEEYOTCHES - I am so secure in the knowledge that this Pulse was worth waiting an extra day that I ended that last sentence with a preposition!!! That, friends, is confidence.

So kick back, take a load off, furtively avoid your boss' scowling gaze, fondle your red staplers, and enjoy this week's Pulse. You'll thank me later.

• Frenetic Friday -- Buddy Lazier's Place In History [15 Days in May]
  I hear Buddy Lazier is canvassing around for an Indy 500 ride this year, so I'm sure he's going to be glad to see Mike talking about his career in the past tense. Don't worry, Mike, I won't tell him! I'll even keep this link out of the Pulse this wee-- ohhhh. Woops.

• Bagman Returns [IndyCar Advocate]
  WTF, Zach? "BAGMAN"? You make it sound like Bertrand is a hobo or something. Whereas "BREADMAN" is a much more genial nickname. It brings to mind wafting scents of fresh bakery, warm crust, and savory tastes. AND YES, I KNOW A BAGUETTE IS ALSO A TYPE OF DIAMOND. Sheesh.

• COUNTERPOINT: The pass on EJ Viso [More Front Wing]
  Paul and Steph likely have a great debate here (and hey, BOTH of them get mentioned in one Pulse item! HUZZAH.), but that title... PUN INSPIRING. As in, "I bet after all those practice spins and race incidents, KVR is wishing THEY had taken a... PASS ON EJ VISO." *Explosive rimshot that destroys your concept of humanity*

• Second Chances For Bulldogs & Dragons [Oilpressure]
  Sometimes I like to link to articles that have been made a bit dated by the everpresent rush of current events. Like this one. As most of the Indy community knows, Butler dropped a magnificent deuce in their bed in the NCAA title game. We can only hope that Paul Tracy doesn't do the same. Or, if he does, that he doesn't tweet about it. 'Cause that's just gross.

• Four Tires and Fuel: Honda Indy Grand Prix of Alabama [Open Wheel America]
  I like this new recurring feature of OWA (doesn't that sound like a lyric from a Rick James song?). It's one of those "roundtable" posts that make you feel like you're a part of the discussion. Want to have fun? Imagine that all the different names are actually pseudonyms, and that Simba is talking to himself. Puts a different spin on it, huh?

• Get your Woman of pressdog® Shirts [pressdog.com]
  I post this for a couple of reasons. First, because P-Daddy needs some cash. Second, because I can use the opportunity to hawk my PLOURDE! shirts - I mean, since you're in the shopping mood and all.

• Heat Intensifying At The Top [SPEED/Pruett]
  You know what would be AWESOME? A commercial featuring Will Power and Dario Franchitti where they debate about who has the better accent. AN ACCENT-OFF! Gads, people, do I have to think about EVERY super-cool marketing idea???

• Inside PitFit Training [Official IndyCar Blog]
  True story - the folks at PitFit Training tweeted me once, telling me that I'm far less entertaining when I am more prolific in my tweets. OUCH. However, my wounded soul has had time to heal (BUT THE SCARS RUN SO DEEP), enough time that I can link to this feature on the company that all IndyCar drivers love on the most deeply masochistic level possible.

• Two Words I can’t Wait to Hear…… [Through the Turbulence]
  Ladies and gentlemen, here is Matt Archuleta's new site, Through the Turbulence. Distinguished not only for its awesome multimedia and genial site host, but by THE WORLD'S LONGEST ELLIPSES IN THIS TITLE. Holy buckets, Matt. I haven't seen that many periods since the last episode of The View.

• Breaking News On a Broken Hand [One Lap Down]
  I really wish Jeff had gone with "Fractured Fairy Tale" as the title for this - not just for the super-ridiculous pun, but also because it makes me think of the days when, as a child, I kept myself entertained in an empty house watching The Adventures of Rocky and Bullwinkle. "Hey Rocky, watch me pull a rabbit out of my hat." "AGAIN???" (long, shuddering sigh)

• The Butler/IndyCar connection [VERSUS/Olson]
  If you follow IndyCar on Twitter, you most likely were inundated by the pro-Butler brigade during the NCAA men's basketball championship game. It turns out that being a Butler fan is apparently required to be part of the INNER ELITE of the sport. Bad news for me - my family are either Notre Dame or IU fans, which I guess means that my next IndyCar media credential will get me a seat in a Port-O-Let seven miles from the track.

Driver Tweet of the Week

 @dariofranchitti: @MFranchitti @C12UFO hell no!! park it at the front door.. if you make it to the dorchester, you never know with the countach!!

Final Thoughts

Robin Miller is going to be on TV. No word if he's bringing a cheese grater.