The Paddock Pulse: June 15 Edition

Milwaukee is coming up, and it'll be great to get back to beer country after that FESTIVAL OF WHINE at Texas.

You think that pun is bad? Join the club. But dammit, if I have to read or write another word about one of IndyCar's top drivers and teams complaining that they finished 7th in a race, I'll likely take a page from Roy Hobbson's Manual for Exceeding Public Decency Standards and go unicycling down the street clad only in a pair of too-small biking shorts.

That said, in the interests of maintaining my weekly hypocrisy quota, here are a bunch of links talking about - you guessed it - Texas and the whineapalooza.

You can thank me later.

• What Kind of An Idiot... [15 Days in May]
  OH WHAT A JUICY SPOT FOR AN ELLIPSIS! Man, the directions you could go with this. The possibilities are...

• A Few Tweaks Need To Be Made [16th And Georgetown]
  At first, I thought James meant "...to my new logo." Then again, the fact that I'm teasing JB about the Boeing Duckfoot is proof positive that the logo WORKS. Mission... accomplished. (Don't worry, folks. If you think I'm insulting 16+G here, all JB has to do is point to his page views and say "FACE!")

• IndyCar's Firestone Twin 275s produced winners and (sore) losers [ESPN/Oreovicz]
  Oreo takes a couple of shots at Dario Franchitti and Chip Ganassi for whining, which, let's be honest, is like fishing for Japanese river carp. It's a Target-rich environment (HAR! SEE WHAT I DID THERE??).

• Unsung Excellence: Alex Lloyd [IndyCar Advocate]
  Wow, Zach. The way you talk up Alex Lloyd in this blog, you'd think the guy was... (removes sunglasses)... a real BOY SCOUT! YEEEEEEAHHHHHHHHH!!! (I'd excuse myself for two awful puns in a row by saying I'm off my meds, but I don't take any meds. Unless you count Breath Savers spearmint mints. Mmm. Sooo delicious.)

• Paul Tracy's Texas diary: Back in the thick of it [RACER]
  Because of Dragon Racing's inventory issues brought on by Indy qualifying woes, Paul Tracy drove Texas in a road course car without any of the "trick bits" that are apparently required to be competitive in the IndyCar series. I'm guessing that he's not counting his GIANT BALLS as "trick bits" here.

• COUNTERPOINT: Team Penske, Will Power & the championship [More Front Wing]
  This article was previously published at INDYCAR Nation, but since you probably view signing up your e-mail address for web content akin to giving Nigerian princes your social security number, I've kindly linked the MFW version for you. Thank me later by wiring your bank details to this special Western Union address.

• What An Opportunity For Pippa Mann! [Oilpressure]
  George recounts his encounter with Pippa Mann in the Conquest Racing garage at Indy, and the fact that Pippa not only recognized his name but also his blog made me very jealous happy for him. CURSES ON YOU OLD MAN Congratulations, George!

• With Danica Patrick Leaving, Should Andretti Autosport Downsize? [Open Wheel America]
  Apparently Simba doesn't think that "Go Big or Go Home" should be Andretti Autosport's mantra. Unless, of course, he's talking about obesity brought on by drinking too much soda pop (EXCEPT FOR SUN DROP WHICH IS HEALTHY AND PROMOTES MENTAL ACUITY AND HEALS EMOTIONAL WOUNDS).

Driver Tweet of the Week

@DanicaPatrick: Life is too short to drink bad wine.

Last But Not Least

You're too busy being a smart aleck to be thinkin'. Now I want ya to "think" and stop bein' a smart aleck. Can ya try that for me?