INDYCAR: Power Rankings (Edmonton)

BLOODY WANKERS!!!

"So other than that Mrs. Lincoln how was the play?"

Okay...that was interesting.  Oh my.  Where to begin?  For starters, let's review the tape Benny Hill style.

Do you know what?  I'm not even starting.  You all drove like "wankers" (except for only a select few, who have been rewarded justly) and you can't blame the double-file restarts because THERE REALLY WEREN'T ANY.

I guess Toronto is the new Bristol.

Forget about the Festival of Carbon Fiber.  On with this week's Power Rankings, I suppose...

THE GRID

 

1.  Dario Franchitti

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Previous Ranking: #1 (no change)

WAY TO GO PRINCESS!!!

 

2.  Scott Dixon

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Previous Ranking:  #3 (+1)

During the post-race press conference he called Rahal a "d*ckhead" and an idiot that deserved to get wrecked.  When a reporter told him that Rahal is his teammate he responded "I don't give a sh*t".  WHERE HAS THIS UN-BORING SCOTT DIXON BEEN ALL THIS TIME???

 

3.  Will Power

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Previous Ranking: #2 (-1)

That wreck from Iowa has knocked a screw loose...now he's swearing on live TV, calling drivers "wankers" and Dario a "princess".  We're all better for it.

 

4.  Oriol Servia

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Previous Ranking:  #5 (+1)

Him being wrecked by Marco did yield a positive result: An Andretti took the blame.  For once.

 

5.  Tony Kanaan

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Previous Ranking:  #4 (-1)

Look at it this way TK...you got to miss the rest of the wrecks AND got a head start at heading home.

 

6.  Marco Andretti

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Previous Ranking:  #6 (no change)

Accepting blame for an incident is totally un-Andretti.  We approve.

 

7.  Graham Rahal

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Previous Ranking:  #7 (no change)

Another victim of Andretti Autosport...however was a bigger victim of Scott Dixon's venom.  Is it just me or the younger the driver was the more mature they acted post-race?

 

8.  Ryan Briscoe

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Previous Ranking:  #11 (+3)

ANOTHER victim of Andretti Autosport...yet finished P7?  Bonus points for being the highest finishing Penske car.  Almost makes you forget about that punting of TK.  Almost.

 

9.  JR Hildebrand

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Previous Ranking:  #12 (+3)

Driving a street course with a busted knee to a Top 10 as a rookie was impressive.  Not as impressive as this.

 

10.  Ryan Hunter-Reay

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Previous Ranking:  #15 (+5)

A podium finish with a limp wing?  I was more surprised none of the podium finishers didn't have a completely torn off wing after that kind of race.

 

11.  Danica Patrick

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Previous Ranking:  #8 (-3)

One more run-in with Sato and it's ON.  He's your size, Danica...

 

12.  Alex Tagliani

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Previous Ranking:  #9 (-3)

Bo and Luke Duke both agree...you're doing it wrong, Tag.

 

13.  Vitor Meira

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Previous Ranking:  unranked

If it weren't for the Top-5 finish we were going to see the most epic of all post-race battles: Super Tex vs. PT.

 

14.  EJ Viso

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Previous Ranking:  unranked

I'm ranking him because it was a miracle in a race like that nobody was hit by EJ Viso.

 

15.  Simona De Silvestro

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Previous Ranking:  unranked

I'm ranking her because it was a miracle in a race like that nobody hit Simona de Silvestro.

 

 

DNQ (Bumped from the field)

 

James Hinchcliffe

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Previous Ranking:   #13

The campaign "Hinch for Mayor" took a hit when he hit the crowd favorite Paul Tracy.   Polls suggest I'm right.  Got to make it up in Edmonton, Mr. Mayor.

 

Justin Wilson

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Previous Ranking:  #14

Considering how good he was last year and how much he loves the road courses...that was a DUD.

 

Helio Castroneves

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Previous Ranking:  #10

Dude...seriously?  This stuff AGAIN?

 

Mike Conway

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Previous Ranking:  unranked

See guys, THIS is how you handle it.  Make a mistake, OWN IT, and move on.

 

Takuma Sato

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Previous Ranking:  unranked

THE MASTER.

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