Aren't you glad that the Paddock Pulse is here to rescue you from the drudgery of an INDYCAR off-week? Imagine what you'd have to talk about if we weren't around to provide you with so much wonderful conte--
(Reads thousands of words of analysis of recent protested finish from New Hampshire)
Well. Ah. It appears that you did in fact have something else on your minds over the past week. BUT NOT TO WORRY: now that all of that kerfuffle is over, we're here to give you something else to talk abou--
(Reads updates on East Coast earthquake, incoming hurricane, Gadhafi revolt in Libya)
Well, anyway, here's this week's Pulse. You know, in case you don't have anything else to read.
RHR Retains Win [16th And Georgetown]
Thank you to the INDYCAR protest panel for giving me my new debate-killing catchphrase. Next time I refuse to take the trash out because I'm watching Storage Wars, I can respond to my wife's ire by screaming "REASONABLE DISCRETION, WOMAN!!" Awwww yeahhhh.
Secret* Spyshots of New Dallara Facility [anotherindycarblog]
The great part about this fancy new Dallara building being constructed near the Indianapolis Motor Speedway is how AWESOME it looks compared to the USAC headquarters that are just down the street. Like Dallara is saying, "FACE." (Obviously, in a comical stereotypical Italian accent to boot.)
Regarding Danica [IndyCar Advocate]
With all of this protest business going on, our man Zach keeps his EYE ON THE PRIZE, tracking the real controversy facing IndyCar racing - what the hell we're all going to do when Danica's zipper-lowering advertising prowess heads to stock car country. Disputed win? Har. Come on, folks, get with the program here. (Signed: ABC)
COUNTERPOINT: Should fans be more tolerant of fuel-mileage races? [More Front Wing]
Nobody's asking me (for good reason, let's be honest here) but if they did, I'd say, YES. Because come on, people, gas is like 48 bucks a gallon now, right? WE HAVE TO CHANGE THE WAY AMERICA THINKS ABOUT SAVING FUEL. And if that means IndyCars doing 25-mile-per-hour laps at the end of a race, SO BE IT.
The Proverbial Can Of Worms [Oilpressure]
I think George should have gone that one extra step and posted a photo of him opening an ACTUAL can of worms. IT'S CALLED PRESENTATION, GEORGE. Hold up a couple of those nasty, wriggling beasts and snap a JPG of it. Do it for your craft, man... no sacrifice is too great!
Long National Nightmare Ending, Cameron Returns at Sonoma [pressdog.com]
Thank goodness for P-Doggy and his well-centred (that's for you Brits - you're welcome) sense of perspective. Next to this news, Michael Andretti's hissy fit at Loudon looks almost cute and not at all like a five-year-old deprived of his favorite dinosaur toy.
2012 Season Starting To Take Shape [SPEED/Pruett]
Here's a great compilation of all of the murky, noncommittal commentary from all of the IndyCar teams about next season. After reading this, you will feel like even the smallest choice you make today - like whether to have a regular Oreo or a Double Stuf - makes you more decisive than 90% of the paddock at this juncture.
State Of The Uni…..errrr……Indycar Series [Triple League Racing]
THIS IS YOUR MOMENT, ROSS. Treat it as a gift. A precious, precious gift, forged from the pixels of your monitor to inject serotonin directly into your cerebral cortex. Prepare yourself for the TENS of new readers you will likely* receive from being catapulted into the public eye by the Pulse! (* Note: Not a guarantee. Actually, probably best described as a baldfaced lie.)
Driver Tweet of the Week
@WadeCunningham: I hope someone is foolish enough to rent us scooters
Last But Not Least
You like money. You've got a great big dollar sign there where most women have a heart.