Paddock Pulse Splash
It's another week and another opportunity to scrape the tastiness of bloggy goodness from the sides of the peanut butter jar that IS the IndyCar blogosphere. (See, I knew you needed a tortured metaphor to help celebrate your Wednesday. You're welcome.)
We have some great blog posts for you to read this wee--
WE INTERRUPT THIS EDITION OF THE PADDOCK PULSE FOR AN IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT. OR, RATHER, A QUESTION. HEY INDYCAR PEOPLE, WHY AREN'T YOU EMPLOYING PAT CAPORALI?? IS IT BECAUSE SHE IS 140% MORE AWESOME THAN YOU ARE PER CUBIC GALLON AND YOU'RE TOO JEALOUS TO HAVE HER AROUND? OR DO YOU HAVE SOME SPONSORSHIP CONFLICT THAT FORBIDS YOU FROM HIRING A NUTELLA ADDICT? IT CAN'T BE HER NATIONALITY, BECAUSE WE ALL KNOW CANADIANS ARE LEGENDARILY TERRIFIC. RIGHT?? (DON'T TRY AND START AN INTERNATIONAL INCIDENT HERE, PEOPLE - YOU HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS AS IT IS.)
ANYWAY, ONE (ACTUALLY, ALL) OF YOU RACE TEAMS OUT THERE ARE MISSING NOT JUST A GOLDEN OPPORTUNITY, BUT A PLATINUM OPPORTUNITY (IT'S MORE VALUABLE, RIGHT? THAT'S WHAT MY CREDIT CARD COMPANY SAYS, ANYWAY.) BY FAILING TO EMPLOY MS. CAPORALI. DON'T MAKE ME COME OVER THERE AND FORCEFULLY CLUE YOU IN ON YOUR PERPLEXING FAILURE TO UNDERSTAND BASIC LOGIC.
WE NOW RETURN YOU TO WHATEVER THE HELL THIS IS THAT YOU'RE READING.
--nd I said back to Hobbson, "Only if he can scramble out of the pocket," and Hobbson is all like, "BLOW GOATS, man, didn't you see what happened with that case of vodka he drank last game??"
Man. What a great anecdote.
Links after the jump.
Gaynalysis: Indy Japan The Final [Queers4Gears.com]
The military apparently let "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" expire, which is a big damn step forward for servicemen and servicewomen and their freedoms. That's the good news. The bad news is that Brian Barnhart said, "HEY. Are you using that policy anymore? I want to option it for Race Control." *rimshot*
Wheldon Out to Ensure 2012 Car "is Driven As Hard as it Can Be" During Tests [pressdog.com]
So the Brit with the greatest set of tooth caps EVAH was in Pressdog's backyard, along with a little thing called the 2012 INDYCAR IN OVAL CONFIGURATION (deep breaths, deep breaths), the other day. Natch, Bill being Bill, he not only got a FESTIVAL OF HIGH RES PHOTOS, he also got a killer interview with the IndyCar Shoe King to boot (HAR, see what I did there?).
A Potential Dilemma At Team Penske [Oilpressure]
I owe George a link here since I left Oilpressure out of last week's Pulse. George may seem to you to be a nice, mellow character, but I was informed via direct message by Mr. Phillips that he was going to sic his muscle on me (I am imagining a cross between Joe Pesci in "Goodfellas" and Toby Keith) if I didn't repent this week. So here you go, George - please call off your goons, I only have three unbroken knuckles left!
Hildebrand's got the gift [RACER/Olson]
Ever since Jeff Olson moved to Florida, I've done what I can to help keep him stocked in crazy blogging bathrobes and goatee-trimming apparati. And by "what I can," I mean "what I can from the comfort of the desk chair that is slowly but surely making my ass spread to continent size." Actual effort? Have you READ my job description?
Six Quick Questions With Anders Krohn [IndyCar Advocate]
THE VIKING! Love it!! Although, if I'm being honest, if you're going to use the nickname "The Viking," you need to have a beastly, manly moniker, like TORE VIKINGSTAD. That's the name of a Norwegian hockey player. Seriously! Nothing against Anders here, but c'mon... VIKINGSTAD!!! It's the WILL POWER of Scandanavian hockey!
Scott Dixon triumphs from pole in Japan [Indy Racing Revolution]
I don't link very often to Ponch's stuff these days, and it's largely because the Pulse is dedicated to those lovely train wrecks called IndyCar blog posts that make Randy Bernard wish he had stuck with the bullriders. This stuff from Estrada is too competent for display with our regular collection of overheated opinionating. (Still, bookmark his site or I'll find you and poke out your fingernails with a spork.)
RVM…Don’t Cry for Me, Motegi Edition [anotherindycarblog]
You know what the problem is with making "Evita" allusions in your blog title? You make your readers think of Madonna. And, dude, I don't know if you've seen her ARMS lately, but holy pistachios in a bucket loader - those things look like white chocolate beef jerky! Those talons she calls fingernails aren't precisely comforting to look at either.
All About Japan and the Most Bizarre Race of the Year [15 Days in May]
You know, it's been so long since I've linked to one of Mike's posts that I started to wonder if subconsciously I was avoiding him for some reason. Turns out this is his first post since the END OF JULY. BAM. Off the hook. (Wait, maybe that means he was avoiding ME. WHAT DID I DO? *sobs*)
Driver Tweet of the Week
@JRHildebrand: Checkin in with the doc... My days as a hand model may be over, but xrays were jussssst fine. Money! F-U, broken hand.
Last But Not Least
You have to have good men. Good men, all of them.