HAIKU TUESDAY: 2012...The Final Offseason?

2012. The last year of Earth. Probably. If we wake up on December 22, 2012 and NOTHING happens it will mean that the Mayans are the BIGGEST TROLLS IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD. Yes, bigger trolls than dictators, ESPN "analysts", and the CBS Network execs who thought their already bad TV lineup needed more Rob Schneider. Seriously, who thought THAT was a good idea? If it wasn't for the NFL on CBS, CSI (wait...never mind, Marg Helgenberger is leaving), and Angela Buchman giving me the weather on my local CBS affiliate (WISH-TV, Indianapolis) I would never ever watch that network. Not keeping NASCAR and the Daytona 500...how's that working out for you guys?

Enough whining about things with higher TV ratings than IndyCar. If this is indeed the last year of our world lets at least make it a good time. Lets start with THE RETURN OF HAIKU TUESDAY! So much to haiku about like new driver signings, new teams, rumored driver signings, rumored new teams, rumors of rumors of driver signings, rumors of rumors of teams that may or may not make the start of the season and OH DAMN TAGLIANI'S WIFE IS STILL THE HOTTEST PUNK ROCKER EVER. NASCAR seriously can't hang with IndyCar on the WAG hotness. Yes they got an upgrade on the driver hotness scale with Danica, but she's just a few months away from the big 3-0. I know this, for her 30th is just before mine. Oh, God...30?!?!? It seems just yesterday I was watching Mystery Science Theater 3000 and sipping on Sunny D. Actually, I really DID do both of those things yesterday. Never grow old, kids. It makes you...old.

So, onwards to the off-season haikus after the jump.

A new year, new life
Curse 2011
ROT, FOREVERMORE

Jesus blesses him
Timmy the throwing fullback
Football makes no sense

Playoff football's on
Laziness consumes my life
Hours without pants

Testing, 1...2...3...
New cars pacing on twisties
But dogs on ovals

The new IndyCar
200 MPH
Ugly platapus

The new car can't reach
Desired speeds, Dallara
Confused yet again

Many chassis bought
Many free agents still wait
Machines sit useless

The nicknames for Sim
Swiss Missle, Iron Maiden
The Lotus Flower?

IndyCar drivers
Race the Rolex 24
For they can turn right

Curse tandem drafting
Silliest form of racing
Human centipede

So Pippa said yes
To the man known has "Himself"
Healed hands with bling

Lotus will answer
The bell for 2012
Crow will be eaten

New Race Director
Mr. Barfield's his name
Beaux knows penalties

Barfield's hair gel
Is really flame retardant
Because safety first

Hey Tag, you are it
Bryan Herta Autosport's
Lotus wheelman

Mayor of Hinchtown
Gets a vote from GoDaddy
Where's the bikini?

Daytona promos
Already making the rounds
Because FOX gets it

Get new calendars
For the new year. Favorite month?
Miss January

The pressdog© Beer Stein
Best IndyCar merchandise
So DRINK ye BASTARDS

Now three months later
Since the race in Las Vegas
I still can't believe...