The Paddock Pulse: January 3 Edition

Paddock Pulse Splash

Happy New Year, everyone! It's time to wipe the slate clean and begin a new year filled with optimism and happinOMIGODTHEREARENTENOUGHOVALSANDBARFIELDISANASSANDTHEDW12ISAPIG--

Ack!

Sorry, folks, old habits die hard (although those are not necessarily my habits).

Anyway, welcome back from the holidays, everyone. Right now, depending on what time of day you're reading this, you're either waiting for the press conference in Indianapolis announcing Ron Beaux Barfield as the new face of IndyCar Race Control, or snarkily calling Beaux Barfield the Assface of Race Control (you know, to beat the rush at the beginning of the season).

For my part, I would like to welcome Mr. Barfield aboard and assure him that there's really no such thing as a "no-win scenario." No, really - I grew up in the 1980s, and I saw Star Trek II and Star Trek III, so I know whereof I speak.

Links after the jump off the bridge - enjoy!

  • Frenetic Friday -- State of 15 Days In May [15 Days in May]
    I like Mike's idea here - do a Paddock Pulse FOR YOUR OWN SITE. Not sure why I haven't thought of that before. Then again, the one time I went into business for myself, I forgot to do any marketing - which is probably why my business went extinct faster than "WINNING" did.

  • Greatest Hits of 2011 [anotherindycarblog]
    ...and, of course, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. Except I'm not sure who Eric is flattering here - me or Mike. Doesn't matter to me, and Eric's continued presence in the Pulse is in no way affected if he answers "Mike" to that question. Seriously. No, really.

  • Looking ahead to 2012... [Ground(ed) Effects]
    If you want to know what band I would like to have play at the Indy 500, then you must have a thing for worthless opinions of old guys. Honestly, the last full album I purchased was by They Might Be Giants, and I don't think "Birdhouse In Your Soul" would go over too well with the folks in the Coke Lot.

  • Fearless 2012 INDYCAR Predictions [IndyCar Advocate]
    Zach has come a long way in his brief IndyCar blogging career, which is to say that his writing has accumulated a fine coating of snark barnacles (SNARKACLES!) like a ship's hull accumulates rust in salt water. This bodes well for his future prospects so long as he doesn't become a cynical troll like the rest of us. Although, since he DOES post on TrackForum...

  • The Most Wonderful Time of the Year [Indy Race Place]
    The best way to read this blog post is to imagine Andy Williams is singing the words. The worst way to read this blog post is to imagine Bash herself singing it in Andy Williams' voice. That's just kinda freaky.

  • Transitional, work-in-progress INDYCAR schedule holds no surprises for now [More Front Wing]
    I'm sure that Steph meant when she said "no surprises" that nearly the entire IndyCar world would start bitching about the schedule the FEMTOSECOND after it was released. I'd say that this schedule, far from being "half-assed" like some pundits are saying, is fully three-quarter-assed. That's nearly TWO FULL CHEEKS, friends.

  • The ghosts that follow us [New Track Record]
    One time I had a ghost following me, but that was just because I had a bean burrito from a local hole-in-the-wall joint backfire on me. Man, if only I had had Egon Spengler around! (BTW, Mark's literary reference this week: Santayana)

  • Could The "Month" of May Return in 2012? [Open Wheel America]
    The long answer to this is, "No." Which ought to make you curious about what the "short answer" is, because I sure as hell am.

  • #1 Resolution for 2012: Commit to Being an Organ Donor [pressdog.com]
    Like Pressdog, I always mark "yes" when the DMV asks if I want to be an organ donor. Unlike Pressdog, I mark "yes" not because I am a charitable, compassionate person, but because I've seen Robocop one too many times and therefore hope that someone turns me into a badass metal bad-guy-killing-machine.

  • Indycar: 2012 Schedule…Business Realities [Queers4Gears.com]
    I think this screed by Ross is cute, meaning that it's adorable that he thinks people are actually going to sit down and consider the 2012 IndyCar schedule from a place of common sense and reason. I'd probably better not mention the Tooth Fairy at this point, right?

  • An Off Season Like No Other; Whatcha Looking For, Fella? [WideOpenWheel]
    I'll give Paul the honor of being the guy to feature Will Power's "angry birds" in the Pulse this week. I'll also award Paul the honor of being the first to publicly claim that "...open wheel racing as we know it is now officially dead." Okay, technically he wrote it on Dec. 27, but thanks to the miracle of procrastination it's being mentioned on Jan. 3. KUDOS!

Driver Tweet of the Week

@SageKaram88: The best way to stop unwanted calls and texts is to ask for sponsorship!! Haha works every time!

Last But Not Least

Forget it! I'm stayin' right where I am. It's gonna take you and the police department and the fire department and the National Guard to get me outta here!

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