ARE YOU READY TO SAMBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA???
Okay, that didn't work as well as I had hoped to get you psyched up for this week's Paddock Pulse, but HEY AT LEAST I TRIED DAMMIT.
You SHOULD be excited about this week's Pulse because it features all sorts of good stuff, including the triumphant return of Simba, Mark Wilkinson pondering the end times, and a blog so lengthy from the Dalb-meister that an obscure sect of Viking descendants living on the outskirts of Toledo, Ohio, have adopted it as their village's epic poem.
That's just not something you can find in other sports - hell, the best football can do is Deion Sanders live-tweeting his kids' gradual transformation into Jerry Springer guests.
Hit the jump and be enthralled.
Frenetic Friday Kevin Cogan Edition [15 Days in May]
COOGAN! (insert YouTube of pissed-off A.J. Foyt eating a carburetor here)
Happy Hour, Oh How I Miss You [anotherindycarblog]
Call off the Alcoholics Anonymous attack dogs - this blog is not actually about a beer frenzy. Although it would have been spectacular to include one in here somewhere.
Facebook and My Greatest 33.1 [Ground(ed) Effects]
Do you think it could get more nerdy than a blog post about the process of creating a Facebook cover photo out of a "Greatest 33" list? Well, YES, obviously - there's no callout to anything from Monty Python, after all.
Lotus Scaling Back: A Win/Win For All Parties? [IndyCar Advocate]
There is no question that Zack-not-Zach Houghton is a new breed of INDYCAR fan. He is so relentlessly positive that he'd interpret an A.J. Foyt backhand to the side of the head as a one-of-a-kind collectible. I respect that.
Indy journal: 1989 [More Front Wing]
I must thank Paul, because anytime I start thinking that maybe I should start limiting my verbosity to six or seven pages' worth of text, PD comes along posts a tax-code-length blog like this one. It's definitely worth the read, don't get me wrong - it's just a significant accomplishment to make ME look like the soul of brevity.
Are the Mayans to blame for turbo wars? [New Track Record]
"Mayans On My Mind" sounds like a terrific song idea for Weird Al Yankovic. I definitely think Mark should send that with all haste to him - y'know, before the world ends in December and all that. YOU HAVE TO RIDE THE TRENDS, MAN.
A Night To Remember [Oilpressure]
A vivid retelling of the 1978 USAC plane crash that thankfully does not star Leonardo DiCaprio. Dude, if BILLY ZANE can adopt a Jazz Age personality and you can't, you'd probably better give back your Oscars. I'm just saying.
Uncle pressdog's Fireside Chat -- Could IndyCar Survive as the No Bullshit League? [pressdog.com]
You have to be old like me to appreciate the true irony of this headline, but I think Uncle Bill is certainly onto something here. And may I say that P-Doggy does fireside chats RIGHT, man - although I'd suggest renaming them "Beerside Chats" in deference to DRINK, ye BASTARDS (©forever Pressdog International, LLC).
Honda Fails To Capitalize On Advantage At Long Beach [US Race Report]
So a few of you have wondered, "WHITHER SIMBA?" Well, I'm happy to report that he's not, in fact, sulking with Timon and Pumba and eating icky grubs all day - in fact, he's HAKUNA MATATA-ING the shit out of some new videos on US Race Report. Get bookmarking.
Driver Tweet of the Week
@josefnewgarden: @Hinchtown nice job on @SPEED dude. Pasty boys are the future! Ha #hinchforhomepage
Last But Not Least
The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.