INDYCAR: Power Rankings (Milwaukee)

Lotus IndyCar...jumper cables not included.

I guess everything IS bigger in Texas. The speeds. The drop-offs in speed. The size of the winners. The size of the DEEERRRRPS.

From injured stagehands pre-race to late race FAILS this race had it all. To the sorry souls who instead saw a worthless horse race, Miami win Game 7 and New Jersey win Game 5...BWAHAHAHAHA! What, couldn't use the remote?

All three of those "events" had very little surprise to them with each passing minute (the horse race was really OVER before it began) but the race in Texas was up in the air with NOBODY wanting a piece of the win. Dario? DERP. The Chevys? DERP. The pit crews? DERP. Scott Dixon? DERP. Graham Rahal? A mega-colossal DOUBLE DERP of karma and irony.

The DERP Gods demanded more DERP. They feasted with great vengeance and furious anger. Are they full? Will they lay off of IndyCar and spare us for a week? With back-to-back short tracks upcoming?

PFFFFTTTT!!!

They demand more carbon fiber. They will never get their fill. Also with Toronto looming in the not too distant future, tis the season for a festival of goat rodeos.

Who says parking the sad, slow Lotus is a bad play now? Well, it won't get a Lotus ranked in the Power Rankings this week heading to The Mile. But who is, and where?

It's safe to say the biggest jump was from the tallest driver.

(This week's Power Rankings after the jump)

THE GRID

1. Scott Dixon

9-dixon-target_medium

Previous ranking: 1 (no change)

Lame "Iceman melts in Texas heat" analysis is indeed lame. Therefore I will not use it or even think about typing it.

2. Dario Franchitti

10-franchitti-target_medium

Previous ranking: 2 (no change)

"Is #6 Katherine Legge for position?" had to have been said by him at least once. If only Kath's weight-jacker wasn't broken the most memorable battle for position 3 laps down would've taken place.

3. Will Power

12-power-verizon_medium

Previous ranking: 3 (no change)

He's grown up since then...

4. Simon Pagenaud

77-pagenaud-hp_medium

Previous ranking: 4 (no change)

Nothing may be more out of place than a Frenchman in the middle of Texas. Unless your name is Simon Pagenaud.

5. James Hinchcliffe

27-hinchcliffe-godaddy_medium

Previous ranking: 5 (no change)

With Dixon, Dario and Power staying out of the Top 5 him getting swallowed up by the streets of Detroit gets somewhat evened out.

6. Helio Castroneves

3-castroneves-shell_medium

Previous ranking: 6 (no change)

He was the first car to finish one lap down...in 7th place.

7. Ryan Briscoe

2-briscoe-izod_medium

Previous ranking: 10 (+3)

Definitely an up and down season, but in need of a Penske-ride-justifying win.

8. JR Hildebrand

4-hildebrand-nationalguard_medium

Previous ranking: 12 (+4)

I don't think he would agree Graham's choke wasn't that big of a deal. He didn't even make it to the last corner of the last lap.

9. Tony Kanaan

11-kanaan-geico_medium

Previous ranking: 8 (-1)

It's been awhile since we've seen a good fight. He and Will would've showed the world what a real unrigged Saturday night boxing match is.

10. Justin Wilson

18-wilson-sonnys_medium

Previous ranking: unranked

How do you beat Penske and Ganassi? Become like Penske and Ganassi. And just like Penske and Ganassi they didn't get caught.

11. Alex Tagliani

98-tagliani-barracuda_medium

Previous ranking: 14 (+3)

When Bronte Tagliani is on our TV screens all is well in his world. And ours. You don't even need to see a lap sheet, the qualifying results or have the volume up on the TV; if she's on the screen, Alex did something right.

12. Ryan Hunter-Reay

28-hunterreay-sundrop_medium

Previous ranking: 9 (-3)

His brother-in-law Robby Gordon is starting up a stadium truck series, not unlike Ivan Stewart's Super Off-Road Arcade challenge. Like the game, the trucks better not have brakes and have dozens of nitrous shots.

13. Oriol Servia

22-servia-lotus_medium

Previous ranking: 7 (-6)

He messed with Texas.

14. Graham Rahal

38-rahal-ntb_medium

Previous ranking: unranked

Hildebranded.

15. James Jakes

19-jakes-boyscouts_medium

Previous ranking: unranked

Alex Lloyd, is that you?

DNQ (Bumped from the field)

Takuma Sato

15-sato-mijack_medium

Previous ranking: 11

The King heads back to the short tracks and Toronto in 2010 form. As if Dallara stock couldn't rise any higher.

Ed Carpenter

20-carpenter-fuzzys_medium

He and the rest of the George clan all said/tweeted how boring the race was. Poor vision must run in the family.

Charlie Kimball

83-kimball-novonordisk_medium

Previous ranking: 13

Reality check?

Rubens Barrichello

8-barrichello-bmc_medium

He said Detroit was a weekend to forget. Texas will be easier to forget since it never happened.

Simona de Silvestro

78-desilvestro-nuclear_medium

Previous ranking: 15

Indeed they have been...

Trending Discussions

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

Join Pop Off Valve

You must be a member of Pop Off Valve to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Pop Off Valve. You should read them.

Join Pop Off Valve

You must be a member of Pop Off Valve to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at Pop Off Valve. You should read them.

Spinner

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.

tracking_pixel_9357_tracker