The Paddock Pulse: June 27 Edition

Paddock Pulse Splash

I was going to make some awesome puns about Iowa's chief crop to start off this week's Pulse, but I decided they'd be TOO DAMN CORNY.

Now that I have permanently lost your attention, let it be known that this week we are in mourning because Road America is not going to be shoved pell-mell into the 2012 schedule like a proctologist's unlubed finger. Sure, we know that we're saving ourselves some metaphoric prostate pain and swelling this way, but really, secretly, in your heart of hearts you were kinda hoping for a thrill nonetheless.

Okay, EWWWWWWW.

Once you put down the brain bleach, cleanse your palate with these superfun links to bloggers whose minds aren't quite as high on the "dafuq" scale as mine.

Good News, Bad News [15 Days in May]
The good news: Mike has the balls to give IZOD a kick in the virtual nads for their incredible pullback on activation this season. The bad news: the Van Heusen polo he has in his dresser drawer will now spontaneously combust and burn down his house. TOTES WORTH IT.

How I Saw It…Thank You Iowa Edition [anotherindycarblog]
"Best. Race. Of. The. Year… so far." Um, Eric, I'm not sure that an ellipsis fits the meme you're trying to use there... <-- PROPER DAMN USAGE DO I HAVE TO THINK OF EVERYTHING

Tuesday Notes: 500 Miles, Driver Rumors, Schedule [IndyCar Advocate]
Zack couches his rebukes of IndyCar policy in very gentle phrasing, so when he says something as forceful as "...they definitely need to have a solid schedule announced early for 2013," you can bet that's the equivalent of a more demonstrative fella holding a Howitzer up to Randy Bernard's nostrils and threatening his family out to fourth cousins.

OPINION: IndyCar can't repeat 2012 schedule debacle [Racer.com]
It can't, but you can bet it probably will. After all, it's as traditional as the heart disease caused by tenderloin sandwich consumption!

Toronto: Pre-race track walk 2012 [More Front Wing]
This is a long, detailed, well-illustrated track walk for the upcoming Toronto race, and it's also a major FAIL because THERE ARE NO PHOTOS OF THE TODDLER INCLUDED FOR US TO SAY "D'AWWWWWWWWWW" OVER. Asphalt just doesn't qualify as cute.

Indy Tenderloin Tour – Iowa Speedway Edition [New Track Record]
JEEBUS H. CRISCO, EVEN IOWA HAS TENDERLOIN SANDWICHES. Did you know that here in my melted-asphalt home of Phoenix that such artery-choking goodness is NOT AVAILABLE? I CAN ONLY EAT MEXICAN FOOD SO OFTEN, PEOPLE.

Random Thoughts On Iowa [Oilpressure]
Short blog for George because he's in the middle of a move. Still posting the link because I have to make up for the fact that I didn't help him lift boxes into the U-Haul. It's, y'know, my back and stuff.

Deluxe Notes Taken During the 2012 IndyCar Race at Iowa [pressdog.com]
Bill's home race, and so the "deluxe" is not just a marketing slogan. Prepare for a FESTIVAL OF SCROLLING.

Driver Tweet of the Week

@Ryan_Briscoe: Meet Richard, popular with the ladies! pic.twitter.com/AIgyXR2o

Last But Not Least

Badgers? We don't need no steenkin' BADGERS.

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