INDYCAR: Power Rankings (Fontana)

T-minus one more post...


U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

It ain't over yet. Stud Hunter-Reay will not go quietly into that good night after all. The last race is a Saturday night oval, and dammit we want our American hero conquering all. Also we want PENSKE B*TCHFACE one more time. Sad Penskeface on television cures all forms of the soon-to-be-long-postseason blues. Ha ha ha, whining about the final restart like that...

The final race also means this is the final Power Rankings. As you know I didn't get to finish Power Rankings last year, and I won't do so again this year. Why there won't be another after this week will be answered sometime soon after Fontana. But who cares; doesn't it only come down to just two guys, really? WINNER TAKES ALL.

(This week's Power Rankings after the jump)

THE GRID

1. Will Power

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Previous ranking: 1 (no change)

Strangely, he doesn't appear to be worried about potentially losing three straight titles...

2. Ryan Hunter-Reay

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Previous ranking: 3 (+1)

I'm still waiting for him to rip his face off and reveal to the world (and especially to Will Power) that he is instead DARIO FRANCHITTI, TROLL GENIUS! FOUR IN A ROW, BITCHES!!! Betcha Power wrecks on the warmup laps at the sight of that.

3. Scott Dixon

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Previous ranking: 2 (-1)

This will be the first year since 2007 that the IndyCar Series Champion doesn't drive for Chip Ganassi. Which means this will be the first time since 2007 that the winning car owner DOESN'T do Jägermeister shots out of a scuba fin.

4. Helio Castroneves

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Previous ranking: 4 (no change)

Most drivers would be sad to lose that many championships that closely in their careers. Most drivers do not have Penske Racing contracts, nor have 3 Indy 500 victories. Nor do they seem like they're high on happy pills. Nor do they have liquid Kevlar hair-gel.

5. Simon Pagenaud

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Previous ranking: 6 (+1)

Robin Miller's Grid Run at Baltimore may have set back American-French relations by 40 years.

6. Tony Kanaan

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Previous ranking: 5 (-1)

KV Racing might end up being a one-car effort next year, unless they can find another driver and sponsor to replace Rubens (and maybe Viso). I know someone, KV Racing. I know someone...

7. Ryan Briscoe

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Previous ranking: 7 (no change)

The rumor that wouldn't go away the past three seasons might actually happen at seasons end. He might actually be out at Penske. That restart DERP didn't help his cause. Also not helping his cause are the missed opportunities and wrecked race cars since 2008. Hmmm...maybe she was right after all?

8. Dario Franchitti

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Previous ranking: 8 (no change)

Watch him walk on stage during the championship trophy ceremony post-race "accidentally"; with Ashley Judd beside him doing what Ashley Judd always does, and that is Ashley Judd Interpretive Dancing. It is muscle memory for them at this point. They will haz such a confused this Saturday night. More so if Dario wins the race. Who cares...finally the lucky championship horseshoe becomes horsesh*t.

9. Alex Tagliani

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Previous ranking: 10 (+1)

Sears Point DERP (almost) excused. Hip-check Power in pit-lane and we're basically even.

10. James Hinchcliffe

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Previous ranking: 9 (-1)

Curse of #HinchForHomepage?

11. JR Hildebrand

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Previous ranking: 11 (no change)

This is his team's co-owner: The Anti-Chip Ganassi.

12. Rubens Barrichello

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Previous ranking: 14 (+2)

I've gone through the entire season using not one single rubens sandwich joke.

[fistpumps]

13. Oriol Servia

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Previous ranking: 13 (no change)

Oriol. Baltimore. Baltimore Oriol. We know...we get it. Let's instead talk about who's on his helmet, which will never get old.

14. Justin Wilson

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Previous ranking: 12 (-2)

Bench-pressing race cars, the Holmatro Safety Crew workout regimen. Still trying to redeem ourselves of Texas 2010, aren't we?

15. Graham Rahal

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Previous ranking: 15 (no change)

He's really going to go through with this...

DNQ (bumped from the field)

Mike Conway

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Oh, dear...

Charlie Kimball

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DID YOU KNOW...that he is the first licensed IndyCar driver with diabetes? No? Well, that's proof you haven't watched a single race and are probably here by accident because Google detected the phrase CHRISTINA HENDRICKS NUDE (BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Padding site-view stats like a BOSS).

Marco Andretti

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Well, at least he won't be the only daddy's boy son-of-the-boss out there next year.

Takuma Sato

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Sad haiku about
Dying engine when leading
Bad DERP poetry

Simona de Silvestro

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One more race. Just one more race...I'M NOT A PRISONER!!!!!!!

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