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INDYCAR: The Paddock Pulse (November 24 Edition)

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Paddock Pulse Splash
Paddock Pulse Splash

Greetings from the security line at Phoenix Sky Harbor International Airport. I'm next in line for The Frisk, since I'm not about to have my nuts irradiated by some fat slob checking out my birthday suit.

While I'm waiting for my Freedom Indignity, I thought I'd share some pre-Thanksgiving love with my fellow bloggers, who are all likely to be guest stars on Trackside with Curt & Kevin tonight (lucky bastiges). After all, today's the best day to offer up a gesture like this, because if I did it tomorrow nobody would notice on account of everyone being in a stuporous coma from eating three whole turkeys and a busload of stuffing and rolls.

So let this holiday Paddock Pulse flow over you like warm, salty gravy, tempting your literary taste buds as you dig into the succulent dark meat of bloggy wonderfulness. AND NO BURPING AT THE TABLE!

  • TCGR: Scott Harner, Team Manager [More Front Wing]
    It's nice to see crew guys get their due, especially since other people so maliciously hog the spotlight (I'M LOOKING AT YOU, DARIO). I was also hoping to give someone at MFW their due, too, but the author on this piece is "More Front Wing Staff," and while the number of people working at MFW is small and I could probably figure out who it was by process of elimination, I am legendarily lazy and shiftless - which means ONE OF YOU GUYS MUFFED A GREAT OPPORTUNITY FOR SELF-PROMOTION. Bummer.

  • A Possible Unintended Consequence [Oilpressure]
    George takes a look at some possible political ramifications of the whole ICONIC engine/aero-kit deal, which is fine so long as he doesn't bring up actual politics. Last thing we need is Sarah Palin quitting her new travelogue/demagogue show early in order to become an IndyCar pundit. Although if she does, I'm fairly confident that Monica Hilton could bust her up and send her scurrying back to her compound in Wasilla. I'm counting on you, Monica.

  • Silly Season Roundup: November 18, 2010 [Open Wheel America]
    Nothing says "currency" like posting a rumor roundup nearly a week after the fact, but I owe Simba for not ratting on me about the whole Hobbson Turpentine Fiasco. Who knew that things would get so badly out of hand? SOY SAUCE DOES NOT REMOVE TURPENTINE STAINS - THOROUGHLY MODERN MILLIE LIED TO ME!!! The good news is that my vision is starting to return and my inexplicable run as "Tevye" in a hand-puppet revival of Fiddler on the Roof still got good reviews even though I was semi-conscious.

  • Hooligans at the Gate -- Third Annual Trackside Blogger Night Wednesday []
    Tonight is the night when the "mainstream IndyCar media" (I can't do sarcastic air quotes on a keyboard, so I have to use real ones. Bear with me.) descend from Mount Olympus to grant brief broadcasting superpowers upon mortal bloggers. Unfortunately, I will not be there because I'll be flying to the igloo where my in-laws will be trying to defrost the Thanksgiving turkey and their extremities over the same fire. If only they hadn't scheduled Blogger Night on the day I was leavi-- HEYYYYYYY.

  • Andretti Autosport crew teach students IndyCar aerodynamics [Official IndyCar Blog]
    So they'll bring an Andretti Autosport show car to a high school in Fishers, Indiana and give a guest lecture on aerodynamics, but they WON'T bring one to my garage so that I can roll it out on occasion and pretend to be a big-time race car driver in front of my neighbors, who believe me to be a pale, lifeless, friendless fatso with poor social skills and worse dental hygiene. They couldn't be further from the mark. SEE THIS TAN???

  • Top Ten Reason To Give Thanks For The IZOD IndyCar Series [Versus/Olson]
    Great googly moogly - another top ten list? What is this, THE LETTERMAN SHOW? Hey, didja know that my mom went to high school with David Letterman? It's true! And she got Lou Diamond Phillips to show the yearbook photo on Dave's show one time!! That makes me famous by a very very very very slim and tenuous connection. Like about 300 Degrees of Kevin Bacon or something. (Actually, I cook bacon at slightly higher temperatures because I like it crisp.)

  • INDYCAR: Rahal-To-Ganassi Story Developing []
    The way this story is "developing," I think Ganassi's PR folks ought to contact Polaroid. Have you seen how FAST those pictures develop? What? You don't know what a Polaroid is? You say you have only used digital photography and that standard print photography is akin to CAVE DRAWINGS?? Get off my damn PORCH, you whippersnappers, before I throw this shiv I've been whittling through your esophagus! *slams a fifth of hot bacon grease*

Final Thoughts

Gobble, gobble. Be safe, you turkeys.