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The Paddock Pulse: Mar. 31 Edition

Tomorrow is April Fools' Day, and I usually take that day off. Why? Because that's the day when everyone tries to fish in the press and make them look like idiots, that's why. Look, I try to be as thick-skinned as the next guy, but I don't make enough money off of this blog thing yet to be able to afford becoming a laughingstock for anything other than my own shoddy writing. So I just cut my losses and hide under a couch for most of the day.

Fortunately for you all, Paddock Pulse falls on April Fools' Eve, which means you get your weekly dose of bloggy goodness before I enter the witness protection program tomorrow. And, based on last week's poll results, this week's Paddock Pulse has 77.5% more snark! So enjoy, and I'll see you folks on Friday - and please, no tips about how Simona de Silvestro is going to recreate Marilyn Monroe's singing of "Happy Birthday" to John F. Kennedy for me. I've already fallen for that once.

Links after the jump...

  • Exciting times lie ahead for the Izod IndyCar Series [ESPN]
    I don't know which is the bigger shock - the headline or the article. Maybe I'm so used to doom and gloom that I was unprepared for... what's the word... ophthalmology? Opteryxes? Optical illusions? Oh yeah... "optimism." My question: is this simple optimism, or could it be a prelude to "opt-in-ism" from ol' Oreo? (See what I did there? Don't forget to tip your waiter.)

  • Dissecting Danica's comments on street racing [Indy Racing Revolution]
    You may have heard that Danica Patrick doesn't like street racing in IndyCar much. Neither do a lot of fans who DON'T suffer from the same inability to pass on them as Danica does. So what do you do if your GoDaddy Girl tries to cast a shadow over a portion of your schedule that has produced two very exciting races this season? If I'm Randy Bernard, it probably involves rope, spurs, and a cowboy hat. Paul Tracy tells me that it's his go-to response.

  • Are you kidding? When I was your age… [is it May yet?]
    Sometimes, a good Photoshop or two is worth a thousand butchered words. Unfortunately, I can't unsee the image of Darth Miller. Hellllloooooo, insomnia.

  • Sponsorship Activation: Rule 1 [My Name is IRL]
    Dex fills in for Jeff on this one. And yes, this is an IZOD shirt that calls the race the "5 Hunedred." But more classic? The response from the IMS Online Store that sells it: "Thank you for pointing this out to us. We will get right on this and figure out if it is misspelled or not." I'm not even joking. If I were joking, I'd say, "You know what it's like to be drunk? You ask a glass of water."

  • Random Thoughts On St. Petersburg [Oilpressure]
    Ah, the "random thoughts" fallback. The irony is, most articles with this title express thoughts that are usually pretty well thought out - like George's. Then again, the word "miscellaneous" is kind of annoying to type, so I'll give ol' George a pass. This time. But don't press your luck, dude.

  • St. Pete: An interlude with a casual fan [Planet-IRL]
    Stephanie from Planet-IRL probably should have just gone ahead and kicked half of TrackForum's posting community in the nuts instead of posting this article. They probably would have appreciated it more than reading about a random someone being interested in (a) the DeltaWing and (b) street racing instead of ovals.

  • Swift 50 May be Too Much for Children []
    Look, it's hard enough to pick just one story from to summarize a week. The man has Win Cereal with 1% winmilk and epic juice for breakfast. I'm picking this one, though, because it has that seriously arousing Swift 50 in it. And by "arousing," I don't mean in the DeltaWing sense.

  • Always Be Prepared… with a Poncho [the_race_gIRL]
    The_race_gIRL spent some time in St. Petersburg with some Boy Scouts. Okay, there's just no way I can rephrase that sentence to make it any less prurient, but I assure you there's nothing dirty about it. Although I will say that if any of those trustworthy, loyal, friendly, courteous, kind, obedient, cheerful, thrifty, brave, clean and reverent kids got a gander at those glamour shots on her blog, they might try to win their Order of the Arrow... if you know what I mean.

  • The sound, and maybe the fury as well [The Silent Pagoda]
    My Name is IRL's Jeff Iannucci fills in for Roy Hobbson, who was somewhere in Madagascar cooking monkeys or something. This list of songs that should accompany driver intros is fine and all, but seriously - no "Tubthumping"? Oh wait, Gene Simmons isn't around anymore.

Final Thoughts

Seriously? Just lock yourself up in a cave somewhere tomorrow. Trust me - saran wrap over the toilet seat can leave permanent emotional scars.