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The Paddock Pulse: Apr. 28 Edition

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Paddock Pulse Splash
Paddock Pulse Splash

...or perhaps better titled, "AAAAAHHHH! IT'S ALMOST MAY!" That's right, folks, we're nearly upon the Month of May, which used to be a lot more exciting when that month was filled from start to finish with cars at the Brickyard. Instead, now we have the upcoming Kansas Road Runner Turbo Indy 300 competing with the Kentucky Derby for attention and then a couple of weeks to wonder what happened to all the pre-Indy festivities.

But let's move forward, shall we? Because we have another fine list of entries from the ButcherDome (my new catchphrase for the blogosphere, which in itself was a catchphrase for "opinionated everyday people pretending they have hard cards from the dark recesses of dank basements") for your weekly consumption.

To paraphrase the immortal words of David Lee Roth, you might as well hit the jump.

  • Coincidence? I Think Not [Drive Hard, Turn Left]
    You know that "new idea" Randy Bernard had about the oval and road-course championship awards? Turns out it's not so new - in fact, the Word Butcher community had this covered as far back as January. BURN. We so need a giant royalty check for this. And by "we," I definitely mean "me." Actually, "I," because "me" would be grammatically incorrect.

  • Honda has some ideas for the next-generation engine package for the IndyCar Series [ESPN/John Oreovicz]
    So hey, it turns out that Honda doesn't want to build that inline-4 turbo that it seems everyone else in automotive manufacturing thinks would be sexy for the 2012 IndyCar. Why? Because Honda wants to do a modified version of the V6 they use in ALMS racing. And in case the IndyCar guys aren't keen on that, Honda would like them to know that doing otherwise would be a very, very bad idea. Because, well, you know... they control the entire engine inventory right now, right?

  • Oval product must be better in 2010 [Indy Racing Revolution]
    Every party needs a pooper, and it looks like Chris Estrada (who I want to rename "Christopherik" so that I can nickname him "Ponch") is the one volunteering to wear the industrial-strength Depends when it comes to the upcoming stretch of ovals on the IndyCar schedule. Apparently, the general rejoicing about getting rid of those nasty right turns doesn't take into account the fact that the oval track action hasn't been very excitZOMG ZOMG WE'RE RACING ON OVALS I AM SO EXCITED MY SPLEEN IS DANCING IN MY THORAX!!!!1

  • NASCAR Knows it's Good to Have a Rivalry That's ON LIKE DONKEY KONG []
    Now, Bill "pressdog" Zahren knows I'm his homie. How could one not love a guy who can command an IndyCar teleconference with his massive schwerve and get IndyCar drivers to filibuster like turgid congressmen? But let's be honest - the reason I'm linking to this article is the Photoshop genius of one Will McCarty of I'm guessing the dialogue for the scene would feature Darthica Patrick saying, "Simona... I AM YOUR GODADDY."

  • JOWT’s Two Year Anniversary [Junior Open Wheel Talent]
    Oh yeah, I'm pimping like George Plimpton (RIP) for Ryan at JOWT for making it to the two-year mark. Those of you who think I'm doing this because he occasionally posts the Ladder Report here at POV, well... okay, maybe a little. But mostly because JOWT KILLS IT covering the Road to Indy. Seriously. If you're not reading JOWT, then you are a sad, sad, uninformed loser who hides Cheetos in his pants so that sitting on that couch all day is not as pathetically boring as it could be. *CRUNCH CRUNCH* Now SHIFT TO THE RIGHT CHEEK, man!

  • The franchise and the rival [My Name Is IRL]
    Calling Danica Patrick "the franchise" of IndyCar seems a little excessive, although it would be funnier if it was because someone from the Brazilian media with a paucity of command over the English language used the word "cheeseburger" instead of "cheesecake" for her SI photo spread and then tried to joke, "Does she want franchise with that?" In any event, this examination of how desperate everyone seems to be to find Danica a rival is pretty good. Me, based on her photo spreads and commercial history, I think Danica's biggest rival would have to be modesty.

  • What Is The Role Of A Blogger? [Oilpressure]
    George's pensive article is a fine, well-pondered piece of writing, but really... the title's question has a very simple answer: TO BUTCHER WORDS. Sure, we are capable of cogent thought and keen insight and even award-winning at times, but if I'm being honest most of us are simply hooked on the idea of filleting sentences like they were slabs of fish meat under a sharp knife. Plus, we like annoying people who believe opinions are only correct when they are theirs. See? WE SERVE A PURPOSE FOR SOCIETY!

  • So far, so good… [Planet-IRL]
    Paul Dalbey counts down the top five newsworthy things in the first quarter of the 2010 season, and if I may say so he looks darn fine doing it. While I generally don't believe in white text on black backgrounds as a matter of general principle, this article almost - ALMOST - makes me want to change my mind.

Final Thoughts

I like the idea of a Foyt Trophy for the IZOD IndyCar Series' oval champion, if for no other reason than to enjoy the hilarity of people wondering if a driver who yells, "I WON THE FOYT!" is speaking in a Cockney accent. The question of who the road-course championship trophy should be named after, though, is a bit tougher. My personal inclination would be to name it the Mark Donohue trophy but I'll bet you dollars to doughnuts that the fans won't buy into that.

If you were lucky enough to catch the end of the IndyCar teleconference this week, you heard me ask Ryan Hunter-Reay whether he liked the idea of a Nations' Cup, which would be awarded to the country whose drivers amass the most points over a season a la the manufacturers' championship. FYI, he did like the idea, but his off-the-cuff joke about Brazil winning it because of their high level of representation probably could be construed as an insult to Australia, who right now would have a choke-hold on the Nations' Cup lead.

Finally, don't forget the Live Blog from Kansas Speedway this week - you'll be glad you didn't.