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The Paddock Pulse: Cinco de Mayo Edition

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Paddock Pulse Splash
Paddock Pulse Splash

¡Bienvenidos a todos al Paddock Pulse! Esta semana, hablamos a ustedes en español porque A) es el Cinco de Mayo y B) porque estoy protestando a la nueva ley de la inmigración de Arizona. Sé que algunos de ustedes no se pueden leer a español y esto será así un poquito incomprensible como un dia de "tweets" de Tony Kanaan, pero los sacrificios son a veces necesarios para el bueno de todos.

¡Los articulos de este semana se pueden leer después del salto!

  • Roy Hobbson Fireside Chats - On The Overseas Broadcast Crisis [Versus]
    I really, truly, desperately, obsessively want to know who thought it would be a good idea to turn Roy Hobbson into IndyCar's "Dear Abby." Now, I have nothing against Hobbson at all. In fact, when I read his stuff I sometimes wonder if we might not have been separated at birth. And THAT'S THE PROBLEM - because I sure as hell wouldn't give this kind of job to ME. At any rate, this first mailbag is okay... it's just missing that touch of Japanese internment camp discussion.

  • Rahal Confirmed For Indy [16th And Georgetown]
    Well, gee. This is a surprise. If I didn't owe 16th&G a bit of Paddock Pulse love, I probably wouldn't even have linked this, that's how not surprised I was to hear this news. Although I am kinda curious about the whole change from #17 to #30 thing. Did they go with that to make Graham look older? Because a mustache would work a lot better.

  • The Month of May [Drive Hard, Turn Left]
    Now is the time when all good IndyCar word butchers get together and start singing "Kumbaya, bitches!" because it's May. I'm going to be honest here and give you a warning before we go any further. This is not the last "I Totally Worship the Indy 500 and Indianapolis Motor Speedway" article I'm going to be linking this week. So you'd best break out the Long's Donuts and start chewing.

  • The pros and cons of new triple IRL title [FOX Sports on MSN]
    So here's Ponch - errrr, Chris Estrada of Indy Racing Revolution writing for those right wingnuts at FOX about the oval and street "championships" that everyone seems to be losing their collective poo over lately. It's a sober and reasoned piece, meaning that it has no common tone with the debate on the subject. HYSTERIA FAIL.

  • Kenny Loggins Told Me There Would Be Days Like These… [is it May yet?]
    Oh, Will McCarty... your Photoshops play my heartstrings like a lovesick orangutan plays a giant concert harp. But why you didn't put Bruce Martin's head on the gopher or put Robin Miller's on Carl Spackle's head, I'll never know. Blown opportunity, dude.

  • The "I" in Wheldon [My Name Is IRL]
    Now this is the Iannucci I love and admire - the Iannucci who goes around calling for the heads of IndyCar drivers on a pike. Kidding. Jeff does none of the death-watch stuff that starts haunting drivers at about this time of year - he lets Robin Miller do it for him in quotes. Poor Dan Wheldon, though, right? He gets all those nasty British teeth all capped and nicely "Yankee-straight" and buys a "Shoes Under" for all of his footwear, and STILL he's allegedly on the outs.

  • 1965 – My First Indianapolis 500 [Oilpressure]
    Damn, George... you OLD.

  • She is calling…… [Planet-IRL]
    I got hold of the "unrated director's cut" of this lyrical and inspiring article (don't ask me how, but it involved plying Stephanie with some poutine and a couple boxes of Smarties) and discovered this paragraph that didn't make the final cut: 

    You enter her bathrooms. Her stalls gape majestically like the wide-open Kansas plains. A river Styx of urine flows in her solid stone troughs. And yet, against all odds, there still remains a sliver of soap for a deep, satisfying hand cleansing. Your bowels sing... your bladder soars... your lungs scream for fresh air. You are home.

  • Danica Patrick -- Bunnies, Kittens, Rainbows and Baby Seals Version []
    Bill's done so much actual journalism work lately that he's starting to act like a real REPORTER (eg. totally big-leaguing less-talented writers like myself and exercising a penchant for stuffing extras from the media center buffet into his many, many pockets). His piece on Silvestra de Simona (thank His Noodly Appendages for you, Marty Reid) is solid, but I chose to link to this interview with Princess Sparkle Pony because he RISKED HIS EVER-LOVING LIFE to get the scoop. Seriously! Just wait until you read the part about Ms. Patrick's LaserCat eyes burning holes through the back of his skull. That's scary stuff, bro.

  • TOP TEN IN 2010 [the_race_gIRL]
    This is how AWESOME Ms. Monica is - a single paragraph of her blog inspired an avalanche of Twitter spam from the Panther Racing folks because she happened to mention one of their sponsor's programs in passing. That's righteous leverage there. I'm working on a plan to get her to mention the POV URL ONCE in public - it doesn't matter where - in order to bring on an avalanche of new, unique page views from random strangers who suddenly will rush to their computers or BlackBerrys in an effort to be "with it." When that happens, I'm totally buying her lunch at the Mug 'N' Bun. BECAUSE THAT'S HOW I ROLL: cheap and artery-clogging.

Final Thoughts

Look, there's just no other way to say this - AOL racing writer Holly Cain just absolutely scored with this two-part interview with Tony George. It's like getting an interview with Frank Sinatra to find out if he really did it HIS WAY. Or, for our younger readers who are looking at the name "Frank Sinatra" and wondering who the hell I'm talking about, it's like snagging a live one-on-one chat with Justin Bieber after he got kicked off his own tour.

Also, speaking of the George family, happy early birthday to one of my favorite people who I have never met, Lauren George. She'll be turning some age that will make me feel Geritol-worthy on Friday. Here's hoping she opens a present that contains enough money to get her Indy Lights team back on the track. In the meantime, make sure you Twitterspam her into oblivion with your birthday wishes and feel free to blame me for it.