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The Paddock Pulse: January 12 Edition

Paddock Pulse Splash
Paddock Pulse Splash


We are now entering the Schwarzeneggerian Era in our beloved sport, filled with FULL THROATED SCREAMING in strange Austrian accents, exploding porpoises, and cyborgs who will split your skull open with their samurai-sword forearms.

What better way to celebrate than to post lots of links to IndyCar Indy car Indycar INDYCAR blogs? Don't be afraid, Danny! Click on the links! I WILL CATCH YOUUUUUUU!!!

This week's collection after the chasm-spanning jump...

  • Green/White/Checker equals ultimate sellout(?) [15 Days in May]
    I must be reading the wrong publications, because I always thought the ultimate sellout was free beer night at a Toronto Maple Leafs game. But they drink Molson there, not Green/White/Checker (and to be honest, I've never heard of that microbrew). So I'm not quite sure what Garth Algar is sayin' here. And YES, I REMEMBERED HIS NICKNAME. Booyah!

  • The five most important things from yesterday's "State of IndyCar" presentation [Indy Racing Revolution]
    Sorry, Ponch, but you got it all wrong. The five most important things from the "State of IndyCar" presentation were: 1) Tony Kanaan's short attention span, 2) Liza Markle and Shannon McIntosh taking a photo together and burning the camera lens with pure hotness, 3) no holograms, 4) Pat Caporali crawling on the floor looking for a power outlet, and 5) getting official license to use our Caps Lock keys when typing the sanction name. Glad I could help.

  • State of IndyCar Liveblog! [IndyCar Advocate]
    If you want that "YOU WERE THERE" feeling from the "State of IndyCar" presentation, then this live blog is a good place to start. A better place to start would be to flag down Dr. Who, kick him in the balls, throw him in a nearby gutter, and then hijack the Tardis so you can go back in time and space to when the actual event happened. The former is less violent, sure, but I like my plan better. The world needs more needless violence.

  • Barnhart discusses new IICS rules for 2011 [More Front Wing]
    Paul actually wanted me to hold off on posting the Pulse so that he could squeak this one under the wire. I obliged - mostly to piss off Robin Miller, who apparently has grand mal seizures every time the name Brian Barnhart is mentioned (or, actually, typed - he himself has to resort to an acronym). Robin says we need more hate in the series, so what better way to generate some than to put his most-despised person in the spotlight? BOOM.

  • Give The Viewing Audience Some Credit [Oilpressure]
    I have come to the conclusion that the target audience for most sports broadcasts are turnips. That's right... turnips. Or maybe radishes. Or some variety of garden squash. Something with less brainpower than a human, but more driving ability than Milka Duno. BAM! ROASTED! I'm not a big fan of roasted turnips, though. They disagree with my plumbing.

  • Driver Development Programs Key in IndyCar's Momentum [Open Wheel America]
    I love how Simba leads with, "'Momentum' may be the most despised word in the IndyCar fan's vocabulary." Considering the headline, I don't know if I've seen a better reader hook in my entire life. IT'S REVERSE PSYCHOLOGY, PEOPLE! I think next time, Simba ought to write, "Seriously. You don't want to read the following article. Trust me. Your fingers will turn into aphids and your eyeballs will melt." That's the way to get pageviews, son.

  • R. Hobbson Issues A Call to Action: Man Your LindyCar Battle Stations! [pressdog]
    I always like it when I can consolidate Pulse links. Here we have the best of two worlds - pressdog, and Roy Hobbson. One, the heartland's most extravagantly-brained farmer-jacketed Sarah Fisher fan... the other, the Midwest's most extravagantly-buttcheeked illegal-drug-aspirating spatula aficionado. With that kind of combination, how could this plan to get Lindy Thackston her job back possibly fail?

  • The State of the New All-Caps State [One Lap Down]

Driver Tweet of the Week

@TonyKanaan: @PippaMann when you look that good you have to expect to have Miller hitting on you. Hahahahaha.

Final Thoughts

This year, our driver intros are going to go to 11.