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The Paddock Pulse: January 19 Edition

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Paddock Pulse Splash
Paddock Pulse Splash

I don't know what it is about Martin Luther King Day, but for some reason it just turned me into a lazy newt and kept me largely incommunicado from the IndyCar social-media-verse. But I'm back, and I don't miss all of those chirping birds, blue skies, and fresh air one bit.

It's been a busy week for the blogosphere, so we'll get you right to the links without delay. Because if I were to delay, I'd be robbing you of the exquisite pleasure of carefully-crafted wordsmithing, the joy of discovering a thoughtfully-pondered epistle, the thrill of a click well-executed. Plus, if I keep talking like this, your attention might wander and you'd take your pageviews elsewher--

HEY! WHERE ARE YOU GOING??

Fine. Here are the links. Spoilsports.

  • Figuring Out Starts/Restarts at Indy [15 Days in May]
    I think the whole controversy about going more than one-wide on a restart in IndyCar can be boiled down to this: INDYCAR DRIVERS ARE NOT DRAG RACERS!!!! What do they expect them to do? Hold a line? It's not like those guys have a ton of downforce on those cars-- er, what? They do? Yeah, but those skinny tires... erm. Okay. But what about Ricky Bobby? He went fast but had to face his fears by driving with a cougar! EXPLAIN THAT.

  • How Does the Comcast-NBC Merger Affect INDYCAR's Future? [Drive Hard, Turn Left]
    I don't know the answer to this question, but one thing I DO know - NBC is the home of Yvonne Strahovski, who plays Sarah Walker on Chuck. And if NBC takes over IndyCar race programming, then I expect them to stick Yvonne in a firesuit POST-FRIGGING-HASTE and get her out to the races. My "flying cocksman" will be flashing on an Intersect of its own, if you know what I mean. (If you don't, don't worry, I don't know what I mean by that either.)

  • 2011: A Banner Year For Female Drivers? [IndyCar Advocate]
    I'm onto you, MISTER HOUGHTON. You're trying to horn in on Pressdog's X-chromosome turf, aren't you? Be warned, the Women of Pressdogtm are off-limits to us mortals. And trust me, you don't want the 'Dog going all Chris Brown on your pasty white ass, either. Or, worse, reenacting the volleyball scene from Top Gun while you're forced to watch. I like Bill a lot, but I don't think he and body oil would go well together.

  • Edmonton is back — now what? [More Front Wing]
    I'm going to be brutally honest with you. I didn't read this article very closely, because I was still too distracted by the fact that Steph is back to blogging after giving birth to an EXTREMELY LARGE (albeit very sweet) infant just a few weeks ago. I picked up a ten-pound bag of potatoes the other day and then imagined passing it through one of my bodily orifices, and I passed out just from the idea. You are my hero, Ms. Wallcraft.

  • They Have Got To Be Joking! [Oilpressure]
    I like George's fire here, but I have to take issue with one thing he says (or rather, that he quotes Curt Cavin as saying) - namely, that the Indianapolis Motor Speedway has remained unchanged for 100 years. It's a lovely sentiment, but considering that I just saw Robin Miller wandering past with white foam encrusting his jowls, muttering wild-eyed, "APRONS, APRONS, APRONS" I don't think it's a very accurate one.

  • Rolex 24 Viewer's Guide for the IndyCar Fan [Open Wheel America]
    The Rolex 24 Hours of Daytona is one of my favorite annual events, but IndyCar fans may not want to read about it. Especially those sympathizing with IndyCar drivers on two-wide restarts. When they read about guys who race IN THE RAIN and AT NIGHT and stuff like that, they might asphyxiate themselves with anxiety for their well-being.

  • Katherine Legge Explores Options, Feels Back Home Again in Indianapolis [pressdog.com]
    Remember what I just said about the Women of Pressdogtm? Bill basically just called "dibs" on Katherine Legge in this article, so if you were planning your "Chicks of Random Internet Reader" series you are S.-FARKING-O.L., brother. You lady bloggers, on the other hand, are apparently still in the game. I don't think the 'Dog minds the company, yo.

  • Mended Steps [SPEED/Pruett]
    Part of our problem is that we keep saying stuff like "mended" and "kerbs" and "slipstreaming" and "bloody hell, mate, give us a pint or I'll get a spur." It's just not 'Murrrrrrican enough. We sound too EUROPEAN when we talk like that. We need more "cain't hardlys" and "aw shuckin'" and "y'all ain't from around hear IZZYA" to give us more domestic flavor. U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!

  • What's Left of Silly Season [One Lap Down]
    Now, don't get me wrong - I love Da Nooch like a brother (actually, better than a brother, because my brother always gave me noogies and stuffed my nose in his armpits a lot... turdface). But he's making it seem like silly season is wrapping up, when we've still got two months before we're kicking off the 2011 IndyCar season. Hell, by that time, NASCAR will have run 14 races (12 of them won by Jimmie Johnson!). TIME IS ON OUR SIDE.

 

Driver Tweet of the Week

@GrahamRahal: @ktmosborne thanks for cleaning the house babe. Im sure it needs it with 3 shedding puppies!

Final Thoughts

Bring it around town. Bring it arouuuuuuuuund town!