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The Paddock Pulse: November 16 Edition

Paddock Pulse Splash
Paddock Pulse Splash

An off-season is a curious thing, and by "curious" I mean STULTIFYINGLY DULL. The only track action going on is either testing (which most of us are not invited to watch) or pickup karting races or something similar (to which, again, not many of us receive an invite).

This is fine for the racers, but WHAT ABOUT US BLOGGERS? You've seen already how far MY output has been reduced lately... fast forward a few months, and I'll be posting blogs about the texture and quantity of my navel lint. (HELLOOOOOOOO, PULITZER!)

That said, other writers are still out there furiously mining the last dredges of inspiration from their increasingly vacant reserves of subject matter, so hit the jump and give 'em a read. I promise - no lint-related content around (yet!).

  • Frenetic Friday -- A Street Race in Chicago? [15 Days in May]
    I think Mike's got a good idea going here, for no other reason than it would be ludicrously hilarious for the local media to try to pronounce some of the IndyCar drivers' names in a Chicago accent. "Tony Kuh-NANNNN... SCAAAT Ditka--er, Dixon... who's dis Derrio Frankfurter?"

  • 2011 Team And Driver Report Card [16th And Georgetown]
    About damn time. I hear tell that some of these racers have been waiting impatiently for these grades to come out so that they can get their good student discount on their auto insurance. THE GECKO DOES NOT ABIDE FAILURE.

  • RVM…2011 Season Review Part the Final [anotherindycarblog]
    Guess what. I JUST figured out that "RVM" means "Rear View Mirror." That's something of a relief, especially because I THOUGHT it meant "Random Vasectomy Morphology," and you can understand why I was always hesitant to read these particular blog posts.

  • Send Clauson To The Indy 500 [IndyCar Advocate]
    I was going to make a Johnny Carson joke ("Head directly to the Clauson cutoff... cut off your Clauson..." "HEYYYYY-OOHHHHH!!!"), and then I remembered that it is very likely that some of my readers were born after Johnny actually died. This depresses me to no end, for no other reason that I can never again do my Floyd R. Turbo impression.

  • Recent events must not distract from necessary changes [More Front Wing]
    No joke, folks. This blog post is about ELEPHANTS. Now, don't get me wrong - I love elephants (although, in proper Pooh Bear fashion, I think they OUGHT to be called "Heffalumps"). But just remember that those giant bastards lay the biggest turds you've ever seen, and they're a bitch to clean up. NEVER FORGET. (See what I did there?)

  • Who’s Driving This Car, Anyway? [New Track Record]
    You know, it's getting to the point where I don't give a shit what Mark writes - I just get off on the STYLE. "Pricey ducats"? A reference to Pogo? Holy Gary Christmas, half of the people reading the Internet think "pogo" is a stick old people used to ride before wheels were invented, and "ducats" are memes centered around unholy waterfowl-housecat hybrids. I dig it, though. (No, kids, I'm not talking about shovels.)

  • How Eddie Sachs Should Best Be Remembered [Oilpressure]
    Speaking of "old-school," George gives us a very nice recap of Eddie Sachs' career before his tragic death in 1964. And naturally, it's relevant as all hell to today, notwithstanding the fact that most kids who Google "Sachs fire" hit Eddie's life story by accident because they were actually looking for that video of a frat guy frying his balls with lighter fluid.

  • Stop Harshing Me, Man []
    Bill is rarely in better form than when he channels Chevy Chase in the National Lampoon Vacation movies. He truly does Chevy's borderline psychopathic monologues justice with this screed, and that reflects well on Chevy. A good thing, because otherwise Chevy Chase is pretty much an unlikeable dick.

Driver Tweet of the Week

@alex_lloyd: Woman on the desk at the Post Office was proof that #Movember isn't just for guys.

Last But Not Least

A lot of fun you are. You're supposed to tease me, give hints, make me guess, you know.