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The Paddock Pulse: December 14 Edition

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Paddock Pulse Splash
Paddock Pulse Splash

I drank some egg nog earlier this week, and while I was reclining back, basking in the savory aftertaste and massive stomach cramps, I thought to myself - "I really am lucky."

Why? Because every week I get to read great stuff in the IndyCar blogosphere and share it with YOU via our Paddock Pulse!

Of course, now that I look at it, I don't know if I should have hinted at an allusion that blogs might affect me the way egg nog does, because nobody wants to think that their writing makes people sick to their stomachs. Believe me - the only thing that's worse is knowing that your writing makes others ill (it's a curse I carry, but hell, at least I don't have to admit to liking Twilight).

Anyway, I'm fairly sure that not many of you are as lactose-intolerant as I am, so enjoy the sweet, creamy taste of the blogosphere with no fear of a subsequent need to camp out in the bathroom!

  • "Taking Crazy Chances to Please a Lady" [...and he’s on it]
    This reminds me of the time I took a crazy chance to please a lady. I took my prom date to a nice restaurant. Why was that a crazy chance? Well, the CHANCE wasn't actually the crazy part - my prom date was. Ever get kicked out of a nice restaurant because your date ATE YOUR FLORAL CENTERPIECE?

  • Great News for Sarah Fisher [15 Days in May]
    I think the best news is that Sarah's new partner is named "Wink Hartman," which brings to mind - to me, anyway - a game show host who does a terrific Charlton Heston impression ("SOYLENT GREEN IS PEOPLE... IT'S PEEEEEOOOPPPPPLLLEEE!!!"). I wonder why Mr. Hartman's family named him "Wink" - although I suppose "Facial Tic" would have been tough to put on business cards.

  • Vegas Positioning [anotherindycarblog]
    Lots of people are panicking about the way oval races are becoming endangered in IndyCar lately, but how many of those panic-monkeys do YOU know that use the words "thematic" and "tumultuous" IN THE SAME PARAGRAPH? Didn't think so, Sparky.

  • Is INDYCAR and ISC's cold war beginning to thaw? [Indy Racing Revolution]
    Okay, if there really IS a "Cold War" between INDYCAR and ISC, I want to know who plays the part of Gorbachev and what the racing equivalent of "perestroika" is. Don't know about the former, but the latter? TENDERLOINKA. That's right - those ISC folks just couldn't go another year without a savory, coronary-inducing piece of fried, breaded pork.

  • An IndyCar Christmas: Advice Welcome [IndyCar Advocate]
    There's really only one answer to the question of what Zach should put on his Christmas tree this year to represent INDYCAR - a twistie. GET IT? BECAUSE THERE ARE NO MORE ZOMG OVALS!!!!1!1! (No, but seriously, they're cheaper than those stupid Hallmark ornaments - I'm looking at YOU, 1989 Commander Data Special Edition!)

  • Q & A: Justin Wilson on ways of improving IndyCar safety [RACER]
    I'd like to think that RACER got Justin Wilson to sound off on safety because he can see the Big Picture better than other drivers... BECAUSE HE'S SO DAMN TALL, AMIRITE?? I'm not saying the other drivers are short, but let's just say that they'd all look good in elf costumes for Christmas.

  • Allow time to determine oval racing’s future [More Front Wing]
    Steph makes a great metaphoric allusion, calling INDYCAR fans' version of "Carol of the Bells," the beloved Christmas song, being performed by alarm klaxons. I'll go one step further - the go-to Christmas carol for TrackForum this year? "O Holy Shit!" (I'm here all week, folks.)

  • I’ve got your next Race Director right here, IndyCar [New Track Record]
    Look, Mark, I get why you might suggest Jesus H. Christ as the next INDYCAR race director. But look at what happened the LAST time someone thought He was getting His calls wrong - they crucified him. Literally. And compared to IndyCar fans, the Romans were the voice of reason and moderation.

  • Would Kurt Busch Be A Good Fit For IndyCar? [Oilpressure]
    Y'know, George puts forth a reasoned, insightful analysis together here, which I appreciate and admire, but I gotta be honest - any answer longer than "NO" (unless it's "FOR THE SAKE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY AND CHERISHED, NOT IN A ZILLION FRICKIN' YEARS!!") is probably more extraneous than necessary.

  • Pippa Mann Keeps Plugging, Hopeful for Good Things in 2012 []
    For some odd reason, I like to picture this interview between Pippa and Bill conducted like an old-timey tea party, with Bill dressed to the nines and a giant top hat and Pippa clad head-to-toe in proper British formalwear, with every sentence laced with polite throat clearing and mutterings of "Yes, yes, quite!" Harrumph!

  • Indycar: The Dallara DW12′s Bad Case of Ugly []
    In earlier years, the image of the Pontiac Aztek that Ross leads with in this article might have turned my stomach. That was before Breaking Bad, so NOW I read this article and think, "Those Dallara guys must be cookin' blue in that new Indianapolis factory. LOOK OUT FOR GUS FRING!" I really need to get out more.

  • Dallara Commits To DW12 Updates [SPEED/Pruett]
    I hear that Dallara has figured out what has been causing the handling and aerodynamic deficiencies of the DW12 - they forgot to put the damn cupholders in. IT'S SCIENCE!

  • Taking Sucking Up To A New Level, or How I Mentioned My 26 Favorite Motorsport Bloggers in ONE Post [WideOpenWheel]
    It wouldn't be the Paddock Pulse without at least a little bit of sucking up - thankfully, this time it's not me doing the sucking, which is a good thing because I think my lungs were starting to collapse.

Driver Tweet of the Week

@h3lio: I really do not agree when people say one thing that does not make sense! Still here!!!!!!!

Last But Not Least

They took the idols and smashed them... And who've we got now? Some nobodies!