So there's $5 million on the line for any non-IndyCar driver who can win the 2011 season finale in Las Vegas, huh?
Never mind that I have more hours driving a golf cart than I do a full-sized race car. Never mind that I have no money, no connections with any race team that might have a prayer at winning, no firesuit, no HANS Device, no permission from my wiiiiiiheeeeyyyyyyyyy, anyway... ahem.
No, even in the face of all of this, I AM FORMALLY SUBMITTING MY NAME FOR CONSIDERATION. And
if when I win it all, I'm going to blow it all on establishing a Steak 'n' Shake franchise... IN MY BASEMENT.
Yes. Life will be epic.
This week's links after the jump...
15 DIM Investigative Report -- Tony Stewart Slimming Down for the Double? [15 Days in May]
Mike presents this article as if he has discovered a secret plan for Tony Stewart to do the Indy/Charlotte double. The truth is that he's discovered something far more insidious and nefarious - the existence of the elusive LOW FAT BURGER KING WHOPPER. What other explanation could there possibly be for Stewart's weight loss?
Six Quick Questions With Chris Miller [IndyCar Advocate]
Two reasons why I'm picking this article for the Pulse. First, because the Mazda Road to Indy needs some eyeball attention. Second, it's Six Quick Questions, not Eight Moderately Lengthy Questions (or, worse, One Totally Long and Interminable Will-He-Ever-Shut-Up Question), so you can't complain about it being too wordy.
They Don’t Always Have To Use The Lights [Oilpressure]
George is worried that he sounds like an "old grump" because he likes races to take place in the daytime. Well, George, don't worry, because you don't sound like an old grump for that. I don't think I can say the same, though, for your recent blog post on your heretofore unrevealed secret website, "Coot-enanny," about the long lines at Luby's Cafeteria.
Project Glamour: Introduction [Open Wheel America]
All you need to know about this post is that, at one point, Simba asks, "Shit. Am I on drugs?" I literally cannot find a better selling point for any Pulse article than that.
The Good, the Bad and the Ugly from February 22 [pressdog.com]
This is how batshit crazy the Daytona 500 was - after Trevor Bayne won, Bill actually Tweeted: "ZOMG NASCAR IZ DA BALLZ I IS GUNNA WATCH FUREVS!" (Ed. note: That may not be an exact quote.) In the 'dog's defense, the sight of a total underdog with a single-car team dump a metric ton of schwerve on the Evil Dominators on NASCAR's biggest stage is somewhat gratifying.
Miller's Mailbag, 2.23 [SPEED]
Normally, I let Miller's gaggle of yes-folk and train-bearers give him all the hits he needs for his Mailbag, but this edition is just too awesome with its enormous quantity of lost shit on the part of IndyCar fans who wished that the letters "T" and "G" were removed from the alphabet. Next time you feel like you might be overreacting to a situation, pull this up and be relieved.
It's His Final Offer [One Lap Down]
It seems like even Jeff is theorizing that Randy Bernard is on the phone to Trevor Bayne's folks, trying to get the young 20-year-old skypilot and hotshoe to bring his traveling missionary circus to IndyCars. Apparently, Trevor is just like Danica, except younger, male, and instead of playing a sexpot on TV commercials he plays soccer with orphans. But his chest is every bit as hairless as Danica's when he unzips his firesuit, so that's something.
Driver Tweet of the Week
@tomasscheckter: still waiting on imigration to confirm my visa....... please immigration hurry @paultracy3 is stealing all my sponsors i need to get back lol
I just never have gotten the appeal of women wearing giant feather dusters on their heads.