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The Paddock Pulse: March 9 Edition

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Paddock Pulse Splash
Paddock Pulse Splash

So there are cars on the track. Brightly painted cars with Sun Drop, DHL, GoDaddy, and other eye-hemorrhaging spiffy colours (shout out to my Canadian peeps!) are conducting tests in anticipation of the upcoming Grand Prix of St. Petersburg which, surprisingly, we will be covering first-hand.

But that's all in the future. Right now, we're talking BLOGGY LOVE in the form of the Paddock Pulse, which is surprisingly thin this week because I'm more lazy than usual. I once again exhort my longtime reader and fan (and the folks who accidentally happen upon this site to make up for all the rest of the page views) to check out our links list on the sidebar to do some perusing so that I don't get a mailbox full of complaints that I failed to snarkily insult someone.

Links after the jump...

  • The Agony...Of Victory [15 Days in May]
    Looks to me like Vuky is pioneering that age-old pre-Internet meme: FACEPALM. He probably came up with "epic win," too. And "tiger blood." Charlie Sheen, you effing plagiarist.

  • Where Are We? [IndyCar Advocate]
    I'll tell you where we are NOT, Zach - we are NOT at a Steak 'n' Shake, consuming succulent Steakburgers, luscious chili, and tantalizing milkshakes and then promptly vomiting it all back up into a Takhomasak. FAIL.

  • Qualifying changes: a detailed analysis [More Front Wing]
    Because the one thing everyone needs with tax season coming up is DETAILED ANALYSIS, Steph graciously steps in to provide it. Although I can't prove that she didn't write this to ensure she'd be in the Pulse and Paul wouldn't. I hear they're getting pretty competitive about it - I think if Steph gets a certain number of Pulse mentions by the start of the season, Paul has to change a month's worth of leaky diapers. Ouch, dude.

  • Farewell To Firestone [Oilpressure]
    QUICK. Make the worst possible pun you can about Firestone's departure from INDYCAR!! "They were tired of the rat race and wheel-y wanted a radial change of pace." SNARF. Totally nailed it. *nail gun'd to the cheek*

  • There She Goes [Open Wheel America]
    Thank you to Simba for putting an ear worm into my brain with this article title. I thought I had successfully banished Sixpence None The Richer into the outer darkness of my early-onset senility, BUT NO. I'm going to get you for this, Lion-boy.

  • Team Owners Vote To Keep Firestone [VERSUS/Miller]
    I totally feel for the IndyCar owners here. Why? Because when my girlfriend broke up with me in high school, I voted to keep our relationship going. Man, did I VOTE. It totally worked too, and by "totally worked" I mean it didn't work at all, she punched me in the solar plexus, and then laughed at my mullet, which was cool at the time, I swear. I'm sure that the owners and Firestone will have far more success.

Driver Tweet of the Week

@tomasscheckter: @SnoopDarr hahahaha u such a tempatampax lol

Final Thoughts

Saying you'll wreck if you have to restart two-wide is not a good way to get a skill-based bonus in your contract. Just sayin'.