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The Paddock Pulse: May 11 Edition

Paddock Pulse Splash
Paddock Pulse Splash

I know it will be tough to distract yourselves from the pretty, pretty pictures of the new 2012 IndyCar concept vehicles. But for my sake, can you spare a moment?

Okay, so you don't care about my sake. Well, that rather complicates things. See, I thought we had this bond, you and I - writer to reader, mano a mano, friends, Romans, countrymen. I guess I was wrong. *sobs*
I'm going to need a minute to sort out my feelings. Maybe get some black hair dye. And an Evanescence T-shirt.
I might be a while, so you should probably read the links LIKE I ASKED YOU TO EARLIER.

  • Rebranding the Championship Trophy [anotherindycarblog]
    Oh, Eric, Eric, Eric. It's not that I don't agree with you - in fact, last season I wrote an article very similar to yours. But YOU DO NOT PISS OFF THE FLYING COCKSMAN. You do know that his enormous cousins at Barber Motorsports Park will hunt you down, right? I fear for you, son.

  • The new era must begin in 2012 [Indy Racing Revolution]
    Wait, I'm confused here. Ponch says that 2012 is the dawning of a new era. But Hollywood and a bunch of long-dead Mayans seem to think that the world is ENDING in 2012. WHICH IS IT?? Because if it's the former, there are a few things I need to take care of. ("Hello, Las Vegas? Turns out I won't be buying that bordello after all. Sorry. No mob hits, alrighty?")

  • Indy 500 Quals: Prepare For War [IndyCar Advocate]
    WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! WAR! (Hey, it's not my fault you weren't prepared.)

  • Get the most from your @INDYCAR #Twitter experience [More Front Wing]
    No offense, Steph, but obviously the best way to optimize your IndyCar Twitter experience is to FOLLOW MEEEEEEEEEEEEE. Actually, not really. My Twitter timeline is rife with inanity, poorly-framed snark, and obscure references to Douglas Adams and Hobbson's addictions to various exotic stoats and lizards. You're probably better off following, I dunno, Drunk Hulk.

  • A Glimpse Into The Future [Oilpressure]
    A glimpse? I don't want a glimpse into the future - I want to go back to it. I have a score to settle with Biff, plus I want to go to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance. The whole "kissing your mom" thing is a little weird, but LEA THOMPSON... come ON. Glimpse? Fegh. 1.21 JIGOWATTS!!!!!

  • New Car Unveiling Suggests Necessity of Multiple Aero Kits [Open Wheel America]
    I have to ask, Simba, how does one put oneself into a pickle? I mean, sure, I get the metaphor, but metaphors are often based on some actual event. Which means at some point, someone TRIED to put himself into an actual pickle. That sounds at once bizarre and totally awesome. Unless you're a fan of VeggieTales, in which case it becomes really, really perverted.

  • Beauty is in the Eye of the Ticket Holder []
    You know what else is in the eye of the ticket holder? DIRT! OUCH, DAMMIT! Who knew that these race cars kicked up debris into the stands? I CERTAINLY DIDN'T. Wait, what's this fine print? I don't know, BECAUSE I'M BLIND. GAAAAAHHHH.

  • Aero Kit Answers [SPEED/Miller]
    Hey, Roger Penske - you used to be able to fool people into thinking that you were being egalitarian while guarding your unfair advantages. Know what? You're slipping, old guy. Maybe it's because Kurt Busch is wearing you down. I get that. But man, your puppeteer strings are showing, bro.

  • An Interview with Mr. Black [Through the Turbulence]
    Hmm. So there's a fictional "Mr. Black," and his assistant "James." Mr. Black. James. JAMES BLACK? Duuuuude. What do you have against 16th and Georgetown?? I sense a blog feud about to erupt. GET THE POPCORN GOING!!! 

Driver Tweet of the Week

@OriolServia: No on track talent can make up for suck luck of dignity KB

Last But Not Least

Look, I probably should have told you this before but you see... well... insanity runs in my family... It practically gallops.