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The Paddock Pulse: May 18 Edition

Paddock Pulse Splash
Paddock Pulse Splash

It's a slow, rainy day at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, and I'm sure most of you are desperate for something to take your minds off of the endless tedium of a rain delay.

I present to you - TERRIBLE JOKES!

The short fortune-teller who escaped from Riker's Island is a small medium at-large.

Did you hear about the guy who got his left side chopped off? He's all right now.

Have you met my friend with no arms and no legs? He's a professional water-skiier. His name is Skip.

Two peanuts walked into a bar. One was assaulted.

Did you hear about the railroad employee whose death sentence in the electric chair was commuted? Apparently, he wasn't a good conductor.

My bicycle won't stand up on its own because it is two-tired.

Did you hear about the radical new broom that is sweeping the nation?

You're welcome, everybody! (sees pitchfork-wielding mob, takes off running)

  • Q&A With James Hinchcliffe [16th And Georgetown]
    You know what would be cool? If James' site was called "16th and Hinchtown." 'Course, it would only be appropriate when there was Hinchcliffe-related content on the site... which means he would have to have Hinchcliffery 24/7! That's one way to draw in more Canadian readers...

  • Opening weekend and Monday [anotherindycarblog]
    A first-person account of the first days of the Month of May, and you'd better appreciate it while you can because the rest of the week's posts will read thusly: "Rain." "More rain." "Still raining." "Do I need to build an ark??"

  • The Greatest 33: No. 18 - Jim Clark [Drive Hard, Turn Left]
    Jim Clark - a mighty Scotsman whose racing feats are the stuff of legend. Taken from us too soon in 1968, leaving Star Trek's Montgomery Scott as the most famous brogue-flinger in America (which is a total ripoff for Scots, since James Doohan was faking the accent the whole time).

  • Lessons Learned: Indy 500 Opening Weekend [IndyCar Advocate]
    I won't lie - I was expecting Zach to talk about his new capoiera class or his foray into ballroom dancing. Apparently, he was talking about a different type of lessons. LESSON LEARNED.

  • Wednesday, May 18, at IMS [Indy Race Place]
    I owe Bash for leaving her out of my list of great places for Indy blog info a while back, so here is her daily guide to IMS activities. Be sure and bookmark the site too, because if you don't then Bash will punish me by talking about the San Francisco Giants, how they won the World Series, and when she's going to throw me into the bay for neglecting to give her a link.

  • A Smaller View: Hannah meets Danica [More Front Wing]
    Either this was ghost-written or -edited, or Hannah is going to be the best blogger in the IndyCar blogosphere in the next year or two. I'm leaning towards the latter - I'm totally comfortable with the idea that a nine-year-old can write better than me. Most folks usually claim four-year-olds write better than I do, so nine would be an improvement.

  • So, This Is Your First Indianapolis 500? [Oilpressure]
    I think it's adorable that George calls himself an "old codger." Pretty sure I haven't seen you drop your pants and croon, "The Old Grey Mare" on the corner, George, so you haven't earned the sobriquet yet. Although, if you're planning to do that at Indy, please wait until Monday morning so I can take a picture.

  • First Annual pressdog® Beer:30 Pole Day DRINK ye BASTARDS Flash Tweetup []
    I'd so like to go to this. Problem is, the 21st is my anniversary, and I'll be spending the whole day trying to convince my wife that she hasn't wasted nearly two decades being married to me and surreptitiously setting fire to the divorce papers she will likely bring to the expensive dinner to which I'm treating her. ONLY THING BEING SERVED IS THE FOOD, BABE!

  • Ho-Pin Tung: History in the Making [The Official Blog of the IZOD IndyCar Series]
    Tomas Scheckter pretty much killed all the fun of making Tung puns after a (naturally) ill-advised tweet earlier this week. It was embarrassing. It was basically a case of "Ho-Pin mouth, insert foot." *absolute dead silence* Do they have root beer in hell?

  • Indianapolis 500 Through the Years [Through the Turbulence]
    GAAAAAHHHHH! EAR WORM! Curse you, Matt Archuleta, for putting Kenny Rogers' "Through The Years" in my brain... ON A WEDNESDAY! My vengeance shall be swift and merciless!!! (Seriously, though, how awesome was Kenny Rogers in the '70s?)

Driver Tweet of the Week

@Hinchtown: now I'm supposed to go eat dessert by myself like I'm Steven Landsburg??

Last But Not Least

Now we come to step three. This... drives... most... people... crazy.