Let me be one of the first* to wish IZOD IndyCar Series driver and reigning Indianapolis 500 winner Dan Wheldon a happy birthday by giving him the ONE THING he wants more than anything else in the world...
...a mention in the Pop Off Valve Paddock Pulse!
That's right, DAN WHELDON, today you are the Paddock Pulse's star cameo! Revel in the attention you will be getting from seeing your name - DAN WHELDON - in lights (okay, actually, a computer monitor is not technically LIGHTS, but you get the idea)!! What better way to celebrate your birthday than by starring on a lightly-read IndyCar blog and--
(phone rings) Hello? Yes? What? ... ohhhhh. You're saying he wants a full-time ride more? Um... (awkward pause)
Ahem. Okay, well, Dan, here's the gift receipt for the Paddock Pulse mention. I am sorry to say you'll need to pay a $150.00 restocking fee, however.
* Actually, one of the last.
(This week's links follow the jump...)
Q&A With Pippa Mann [16th And Georgetown]
Wait, you mean there are MORE questions to ask Pippa Mann other than, "WHY ARE YOU SO AWESOME???" (Hey, the restraining order only mentioned PHYSICAL distance - it said nothing about stalking on the Internet - hey, what is that SWAT team doing breaking into my offic---
Racing at Milwaukee good; race crowd not [ESPN/Oreovicz]
Apparently, the promoter at Milwaukee thought that gouging fans until the week of the race, then offering a 2-for-1 deal, was the PERFECT way to drum up a sellout. I want to hire this guy. With business sense like this, I want him on my staff... just long enough to FIRE HIM. NO SEVERANCE PACKAGE FOR YOU, LOSER!
Can Hunter-Reay Turn It Around? [IndyCar Advocate]
I am firmly of the belief that the best puns are unconsciously made. I'm pretty sure Zach didn't MEAN to write this headline in the context of RHR's first-lap, first-corner spin (showing that he can, in fact, turn it around with the best of them). If you did, Zach... duuuuuuuuuude that's cold. Well played.
Pippa Mann's IndyCar diary: New opportunities [RACER]
"Enter Bobby Rahal, stage left." DAMMIT, Pippa. I'm not one of you English theater geeks - WHICH DIRECTION IS THAT WHEN I'M FACING THE STAGE?? I haven't felt this confused since they told me to play right field in Little League.
Superfan finds solace in INDYCAR in time of tragedy [More Front Wing]
Say what you want about IndyCar's crowds or ratings, but the people working in the sport are some of the best in the world - and not just at their jobs or at drinking you under the table. Not JUST. (Hey, is that a gummy bear under your chair? *Urp.*)
Has Simona Gotten Spooked? [Oilpressure]
One word: OF COURSE SHE'S NOT SPOOKED SHE'S THE FRIGGIN' IRON MAIDEN SHE COULD BEAT YOU TO DEATH WITH ONE EYELASH TIED BEHIND HER BACK. No, seriously, that's one word in an obscure Maori dialect. I checked it on Wikipedia.
Have Newman Haas and KV Racing Surpassed Andretti Autosport? [Open Wheel America]
Wouldn't it be crazy if this was a rhetorical question? Like, if Simba just wrote this as a headline and then had gone on to write an article on something totally different, like the dangers of carcinogenic smoke from barbecue grills in the IndyCar paddock? (BTW, this is also a rhetorical question. Please do not bombard me with 4800-word replies on the topic.)
Larry Foyt Grows in Role at Foyt Racing [pressdog.com]
You can take the newsman out of the newsroom, but you can't take the newsroom out of the newsman. Seriously, there is no orifice on the human body that would allow an extraction of that type. Have you SEEN the size of a newsroom? Even at small news outlets, it's easily a few hundred square feet... and no proctologist living can overcome the laws of physics.
An Embarassment of Writing Riches! [So… here’s what I’m thinking…]
Guest bloggers may be in vogue right now, but I have to say it's disappointing seeing one at Meesh's site. WHERE'S THE @#(*$&ING VULGARITY?? I can't tell you how discombobulating it is to visit Meesh's blog and NOT have my eyes vulcanized out of their sockets by a heart-warming avalanche of sailor talk. I NEEDS MY FIX, WOMAN!
INDYCAR: Milwaukee Rewind [SPEED/Pruett]
Marshall Pruett serves up a veritable SMORGASBORD of post-Milwaukee goodness. Right? Because smorgasbords feature German meats and stuff, I think. Like bratwursts! Which are famous in Milwaukee, along with beer. And hey - isn't BACON a meat? And KEVIN BACON'S last name too!! *my brain asplode*
Driver Tweet of the Week
@OriolServia: Ja,Llife is too short to savely remove USB devices
Last But Not Least
Thank you again for another evening steeped in merriment and friendship.