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INDYCAR: Friday Pre-Race Preview (Iowa)

I wonder if concussions can conjure up psychic powers....*grabs baseball bat*
I wonder if concussions can conjure up psychic powers....*grabs baseball bat*

I got out of bed this morning knowing I had to write this article today.  Then I got the news about a tough driver I wrote about this week not being able to compete this weekend.  Figures.  Something tells me I'm going to get several phone calls from several legal advisers and a few legal documents from Iowa, Indy, and even Switzerland.  Things aren't looking so good....the best advice may be to lay low for a little while.

So, how am I going to write a preview of the race not being able to talk about any driver...in fear of jinxing them and facing (further) legal trouble?  EASY.  I WON'T talk about ANY DRIVER.  At all.  Sort of.

So here goes a very cryptic preview of the race in Iowa this weekend.  Who will be the ones to watch Saturday night?  If you try really hard you MIGHT get what I'm saying.

 

THE FAVORITE (BEST PENSKE/GANASSI DRIVER):  THAT ONE DRIVER MARRIED TO ASHLEY JUDD...WONDER IF HE WHINES ABOUT THAT?

He should have won last year but had gearbox issues which sidelined him.  Except for drawing 28th starting position at Texas and fuel issues during Indy he's been unworldly on the ovals.  If he wins look for him to start whining about how he wasn't able to lead all 250 laps.

 

THE BEST OF THE REST (BEST NON-PENSKE/GANASSI DRIVER):  THE GUY WHO WON THIS RACE LAST YEAR AND HAS A REALLY BIG NOSE

He's simply the MAN on short ovals.  He could've won last week but The Mile bit him like it did so many others.  If the KV Racing jinx can take a week off he's going towards the front and finish on the podium....possibly in the middle of it.

 

THE MILKA DUNO BACKMARKER AWARD:  THE DRIVER NOBODY REALLY KNOWS MUCH ABOUT

This guy.  He didn't look too bad last week but wasn't all that fast and this is yet another oval he's never seen before.  Considering the speeds that are achieved at Iowa don't expect much at all from him and to be lapped by lap 7 possibly.

 

 

Okay, you got all that?  GOOD.  I guess I won't be getting any flak from Dario, Kanaan or Jakes or any legal junk from their lawyers.

 

Wait a minute....

 

DAMMIT.