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The Paddock Pulse: June 13 Edition

Paddock Pulse Splash
Paddock Pulse Splash

I'd write up something interesting to introduce this week's collection of IndyCar blogosphere links, except I have a new glasses prescription after four years of dodging the optometrist and consequently everything looks like a funhouse mirror. WOOOOOO. Man, you look like you're an inch wide with a giant balloon head! Farrrrrrrr ouuuuuuttt....

Ahem. Anyway, there's plenty for you to mentally chew upon with this week's linkage, so stop delaying and go read. Don't worry, I'll be here when you get back trying futilely to pick up a pencil that seems a lot closer to me than it actually is.

  • Return to Auto Club Speedway a gamble [ESPN/Oreovicz]
    Here's a secret about us writers. When there's a prediction to be made but we don't want to make the wrong call, we call the outcome a "gamble." That way, we don't have to be fully wrong no matter what we say. This follows on the heels of the "gamble" that anyone will care about what we write in the first place.

  • Dear IndyCar: A Toronto Recap [IndyCar Advocate]
    I have to say I'm frankly amazed that Zach had Twitter responses to post in this blog that didn't involve random hashtags, the "Y U NO" guy, or Drunk Hulk. Which reminds me - IndyCar desperately needs its own meme, instead of relying on existing ones (for example, "RACE CONTROL Y U NO OBJECTIVE???").

  • Paul Tracy's Toronto Diary: A bunch of haboobs [RACER]
    A "haboob" is an Arabian term for a giant dust storm, which I'm sure will disappoint all of you who believed this link would point to PT's grid girl photo gallery. Also? Next time you hear the phrase "jug band," it is NOT talking about a sports bra.

  • Toronto: Steph’s Sunday thoughts [More Front Wing]
    Something I've noticed is that if you didn't enjoy the Honda Indy Toronto, you're going to get dirty looks from Torontonians. Which is fine by me, because the LAST time there was a big group of upset Canadians roaming around, the city of Vancouver got torched. DIRTY LOOKS FTW! (Also? LOLuongo!)

  • Versus May Have Some Explaining To Do [Oilpressure]
    +5 Harry Potter Wizarding Levels to George for calling out Versus for creating a penalty out of thin air, but -45,000 HPWLs for not couching his headline in hilarious, racist Ricky Ricardo phraseology to appeal to fans of "I Love Lucy" (read: the very very very old). "I Love Lucy" and Harry Potter references in one paragraph?? That's right - I'm the KING OF POP CULTURE (plus, I need a real life).

  • Nicole Briscoe Combines NASCAR at work with IndyCar at Home [pressdog]
    Look, there's no question that I'm a Nicole Briscoe fan. And not just because she's the first person to tweet me and tell me I'm funny on my own merits instead of (correctly) identifying my sense of humor as an unholy amalgam of pressdog, Roy Hobbson, and Rodney Dangerfield. Plus, she looks pretty hot in that Eskimo-style cold-weather Packers fan gear.

  • Damned if they do, damned if they don’t… [So… here’s what I’m thinking…]
    HOMER! Nah, just kidding. It's just great to see Meesh enjoying her home race. Plus, if I were serious about that "homer" thing, Meesh would most likely string me up by my tenders and flay the skin off of me with a stale Coffee Crisp whilst screaming, "THIS IS TRUE PATRIOT LOVE, YOU INCREDIBLE CHOAD!" And believe me, twice is DEFINITELY enough for something like that.

  • Hate Is Great! [SPEED/Miller]
    Someday, Robin Miller will find love, and maybe his crusty, embittered heart will soften enough that he won't be begging to see Dario and Will attack each other like in a scene out of "Kill Bill Vol. 2." But for now, the only thing softening is his rigid adherence to SPEED's dress codeHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. Come on, like he ever followed it in the first place.

  • IN THE COCKPIT: Simona De Silvestro, Toronto [SPEED]
    To me, any Simona de Silvestro blog that does not include details on her latest crippling injury or piece of bad luck ("Today, a squirrel immolated itself on the windscreen of my cockpit, blinding me temporarily so that I didn't see the meteor that ripped off my sidepod...") is a good one.

Driver Tweet of the Week

@12WillPower: @U2Mike hahaha you are obviously a wanker that doesn't understand racing

Last But Not Least

I met Death today. We are playing chess.