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INDYCAR: Power Rankings (New Hampshire)

NEVER in a boredom-induced coma...despite Mid-Ohio's best dull efforts.
NEVER in a boredom-induced coma...despite Mid-Ohio's best dull efforts.

Zzzzzzzzzz....wha....huh....?  Oh, the race ended.  So much for that.  WOAH!!!  WILL POWER DIDN'T WIN???  Oh, it was Dixon.  Red Car.  Whatever.  This is getting ridiculous.  What's it going to take?  A nuclear strike?  Arming Danica Patrick with Mario Kart weapons (preferably a blue shell)?  Hell, arming her with REAL weapons?  Perhaps had Tagliani and Simona had nitrous hidden in their firesuits (like a certain fella named "Super Tex" did at least once, so they say on his "SportsCentury" episode) it would've made the race FAR more interesting.  Memo to Bernard: Push2Pass must have more power.  What kind of power?  Play "Ivan Stewart's Off-Road Arcade" and load up on nitros (or even Danny Sullivan's IndyCar version of basically the same game).  Keep hitting the nitro button.  THAT'S what no-passing zone rolling-hill twisties NEED, a P2P button with a million extra horsepower where only the skilled can master it.

FACT: the above was directly copy-pasted from my post-Mid-Ohio Power Rankings intro from LAST YEAR.  The only changes were changing "Dario" to "Dixon" and "Milka Duno" to "Danica Patrick".  Except for those two things it was basically the same race as last year.  YAWN.

Yea.  I wasn't too impressed with Mid-Ohio either.  Will this week's Power Rankings be as boring?  NEVER.



1.  Dario Franchitti


Previous Ranking: #1 (no change)

He and Chip Ganassi are the proud owners of the lucky horseshoe stolen from Jimmie Johnson and Rick Hendrick.  Where they've stuck it, nobody knows. Perhaps I don't want to know.


2.  Scott Dixon


Previous Ranking:  #3 (+1)

The old and boring Dixon came back with a vengeance.  I already miss him calling Rahal a dickhead and wanting to kill EJ Viso.


3.  Will Power


Previous Ranking: #2 (-1)

OH NO!!!


4.  Tony Kanaan


Previous Ranking:  #4 (no change)

He and Oriol are having their own little championship battle (aka: The Rebel Alliance Cup) and it's a good one.


5.  Oriol Servia


Previous Ranking:  #5 (no change)

He's going to start a trend (hopefully) of teams hiring unemployed veterans and becoming contenders.  Who am I kidding…Dan Wheldon was already going to do just that.


6.  Marco Andretti


Previous Ranking:  #6 (no change)

I thought there was no passing possible at Mid-Ohio…


7.  Ryan Hunter-Reay


Previous Ranking:  #10 (+3)

…and nearly all of Andretti Autosport proved otherwise.  No team passed more cars it seemed.


8.  Ryan Briscoe


Previous Ranking:  #7 (-1)

At least he's not banging into everyone like his teammate, and he can blame his boss for the lousy strategy.


9.  Graham Rahal


Previous Ranking:  #8 (-1)

The Canadians and Ohio's favorite son have all proved during last month you can't expect good luck coming home.


10.  Alex Tagliani


Previous Ranking:  #13 (+3)

He, like Hunter-Reay, are on Double-Secret Probation and yet finished well.  Yet Helio and Viso, whom deserve such punishment, aren't on probation and found contact yet again.


11.  Vitor Meira


Previous Ranking:  #12 (+1)

Like I've said before, ever since Super Tex announced they were running Honda's next year they've suddenly become a fixture in the Top 10…coincidence?


12.  JR Hildebrand


Previous Ranking:  #9 (-3)

Well look at it this way JR, your main rival in the Rookie of the Year title blew it.


13.  Danica Patrick


Previous Ranking:  #11 (-2)

Probably said to Graham after the race: "Look, I didn't hit you. I didn't slam into you, I rubbed ya…and rubbin son is racin".  With her upcoming NASCAR career I think now she's ready "TO HIT THE PACE CAR".


14.  Takuma Sato


Previous Ranking:  unranked

Whatever Honda team he goes to next year they're getting an improved driver…well, improved as of this week.


15.  Simona De Silvestro


Previous Ranking:  unranked

Oh Porkchop, you naughty, naughty boy..."YOU ARE NO GENTLEMAN!"


DNQ (Bumped from the field)


James Hinchcliffe


Previous Ranking:   unranked

ABC...Always Be Closing.  Enjoy the steak-knives.


Helio Castroneves


Previous Ranking:  #14

This has to be his most expensive season yet.  This is entering KV 2010 terriotry.


Justin Wilson


Previous Ranking:  #15



Mike Conway


Previous Ranking:  unranked

As part of his probation, he is only allowed an engine that works 75% of the race distance.


EJ Viso


Previous Ranking:  unranked

Viso horny for carbon fiber.