It's a stellar collection we have for you today in the Paddock Pulse.
One blogger vehemently quits IndyCar outright. Another one claims that Graham Rahal lost seven of his nine lives when that safety truck belatedly zoomed to its staging area. And one blogger actually interviewed a plastic cone.
It's days like today that make me happy that I live in the Internet Era. Think about it - can you imagine Vin Scully saying abruptly in the middle of a Dodger game, "Sod this with a bag of hammers," and walk out of the booth? Or maybe Edward R. Murrow claiming that he wishes he knew what Lyndon Johnson smelled like after a champagne-soaked workout?
Yes, friends, this is the stuff of LEGEND, written by LEGENDS in LEGENDARY style. Your offspring may never know the savage beauty of the blogosphere - most likely because by the time they grow as old as we are, they'll be inserting snark directly into their cerebrums with custom-designed stem cells.
Behold, the JUMP.
Rahal Almost Meets His Maker In Baltimore [SPEED/Miller]
ZOMG RAHAL COULD HAVE BEEN KILLED DEAD BY THAT TRUCK!!!!1!1 Nice to see that Robin is maintaining his sensible, non-hyperbolic writing style that we know and love. Next, he's going to say that saying the word "Barnhart" will cause genital warts. (Wait, he DID already say that? Crap.)
Gaynalysis: Inaugural Baltimore Grand Prix [Queers4Gears.com]
I dunno, Ross. When I think of Will Power coated in sweat and champagne, I picture him slurring epithets at his shoes and flipping off the pinecone he tripped over on his way to take the trash to the curb. "GAAAH. Bloody POINCOWN," he would say, and then be spirited away by a bouncing kangaroo.
Maintining Order and Snark, it's The Orange Cone [pressdog.com]
Pressdog interviews an orange cone, and it's still more insightful and thought-provoking than most of the journalism that goes on in sports these days. Honestly, if some of these jokers tried to interview a cone, they'd wait for the cone's press release and just change the word order a bit.
I’m Done, IndyCar. I’m Done. [Open Wheel America]
SIMBA HAS DEPARTED THE PRIDELANDS. Apparently, the hyenas have robbed the place of too much wild grass and tasty smaller animals to keep the place livable for The Great Lion, and off he goes to a Barnhartless world. RAFIKI! WHY DID YOU NOT WARN US OF THIS CATASTROPHE???
Random Thoughts On Baltimore [Oilpressure]
When the biggest minus of the weekend is the "bad-American-Idol-rendition" of the National Anthem, then you've put on a pretty good show if I'm being honest with you. If I'm NOT being honest, then it was only because we were distracted by the blood spurting from our ears that we did not notice how crappy the race was. No, but seriously, the singer sucked.
IndyCar drivers laud Baltimore event [Racer.com]
Laudy, laudy, laudy! I don't nothin' 'bout no RACE CONTROL. (This message brought to you by the Estate of Butterfly McQueen, and no, that does not refer to Lightning's girlfriend.)
Baltimore Observations [IndyCar Advocate]
MY MAN ZACH WITH THE TWITTERVERSE THROWDOWN, YO. Mercurial? BIPOLAR is more like it. C'mon, give folks a break. NO, THEY ARE THE DEVIL. But they sure are fun to talk to BUT THE SOUND OF THEIR VOICE MAKES ME WANT TO MAIM AN ORPHAN. Where are my meds?
RVM… EPIC Weekend, Baltimore Edition [anotherindycarblog]
I pray that someday Eric will add a contributor to his blog named Ron Oates. Been a while since we've had some good honest PHILADELPHIA SOULLLLLLLLLLL goin' round. (Well, as much soul as two white guys with mullets could produce in 1980.)
Driver Tweet of the Week
@katherinelegge: Cat 1 - 0 Raccoon
Last But Not Least
The hymns of praise of the few became the curses of the many.