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The Paddock Pulse: January 25 Edition

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Paddock Pulse Splash
Paddock Pulse Splash

So last week I got razed for going light on the snark because of the SOPA/PIPA crap that was going on outside of our little racing world. Some folks got it in their heads that I redacted the snarky comments that usually accompany Paddock Pulse links to get out of doing work.

Well, I'm here to tell you right now that those people were totally, unequivocally correct.

In the interests of doing a total retcon on my behavior (which was inspired by me being distracted by someone microwaving some savory popcorn nearby... mmmm, popcorn), I will say that my laziness was actually an extended metaphor for how censorship and restriction of free speech and putting the power and control in the hands of giant media conglomerates and the RIAA and all those other assholes encourages a lower standard of creativity in media and entertainment.

I will of course be totally bullshitting you by saying this, but you will already know this, being intelligent and not at all prone to skipping these introductory paragraphs to get straight to the Pulse links like you are.

  • Danica A No-Go for The 500 [15 Days in May]
    When Danica Patrick decided to go full-time to NASCAR, some of us breathed a huge sigh of relief that the hype machine was gone and we could go back to talking about other things. Of course, after we finished that sigh and began to inhale again, here comes this news cycle like a giant fart right up our nostrils. THANKS A LOT.

  • Six Quick Questions With Charlie Kimball [IndyCar Advocate]
    It's always awkward for the mainstream media when bloggers interact with real racing personalities, because one of the talking points of many of those MSM folks (and, indeed, some of the personalities themselves) is that the only people we bloggers talk to are the voices in our heads while we eat Fritos in our mom's basement.

  • Cap the field — now is the time [More Front Wing]
    DAT'S RIGHT, YO, POP A CAP IN DA FIELD-- oh wait, I thought Steph was getting all gangsta up in our thang for a second. I'm also glad she's not talking about actual CAPS, because one fashion trend I really don't want to see come back to IndyCar is Buddy Rice's flat-billed hat. Seriously, is it like that so he can set drinks on it?

  • What does NASCAR have that IndyCar doesn’t? [New Track Record]
    Danica aliorum sit causa. (I don't really know Latin, as Mark will no doubt realize when he sees the atrocious grammar I just floated out there. But it's the thought that counts.)

  • The Year Of The Dragon [Oilpressure]
    I hope this isn't like "The Age of Aquarious," because I've seen Hair and, DUDE, those cats get NEKKID up there on the stage. Now, I'm not trying to insult George here, but I'm guessing there might be some saggy bits that don't lend themselves to stage lighting if you know what I mean.

  • IndyCar – Crying Wolf [Open Paddock]
    Passive-aggressive complaining and exaggerating one's woes to get strategic advantage may work for IndyCar teams, but it certainly doesn't for me. Last time I complained that I can't compete with other outlets' travel budgets, SBNation's admin staff flew to my house and punched me in the tenders for three hours.

  • Time to Blow up "Merit-Based" Coverage []
    What story is the story that NEEDS to be told? If you ask me, there's only one story out there that must be communicated to all the world. It is the Greatest Story Ever Told - the one about the lovely lady and the man named Brady who brought up six kids and a butcher-humping in-house maid. Amen.

  • Engine Supply And Demand Still A Concern [SPEED/Pruett]
    Hey, remember when people other than giant multinational corporations were allowed to build racing engines? Those days sucked, man. Because, like, engines blew up and stuff, and occasionally a car company got beat by some nameless grease monkey, and SO MUCH POLITICAL CAPITAL WAS WASTED. Thank goodness for progress.

Driver Tweet of the Week

@alex_lloyd: Snuck onto the plane with 3 carry ons. My goodness I am rebellious.

Last But Not Least

It's not a party, it's an intimate get-together!