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The Paddock Pulse: February 15 Edition

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Paddock Pulse Splash
Paddock Pulse Splash

I think anything that gets published in the days following the State of INDYCAR meeting on Monday is going to pale in comparsion.

Think about it. How can you compete with Randy Bernard standing up there at the end and THROWING DOWN THE GAUNTLET to the haters and saying, essentially, that you can have the series back when you pry it from his cold, dead fingers? I thought for a second he was going to launch into "And I'm Telling You That I'm Not Going" as a tribute to Whitney Houston, and then I remembered that it was Jennifer Hudson who got famous for singing that in Dreamgirls, which killed that particular theory. (Wait a minute... Jennifer Hudson, Sex In The City, Candice Bergen, Starting Over, KEVIN BACON OMIGOSH!!!!!)

Anyway, there's plenty of SoIC stuff in this week's Pulse, so get to a-readin' before I start talking too folksy, y'all.

36 SuperCars, 36 Hours – Day 1 [11 Rows of 3]
The newest addition to the Pulse (and IndyCar blogosophere) ranks is David Craske, a fine, upstanding guy who HOLY SHIT THE GUY JUST DROVE FROM SOUTHERN ILLINOIS JUST TO SEE THE 36 SUPER BOWL SHOWCARS. Fellow bloggers, I think we might be suffering from a dedication gap here.

Nazareth Speedway -- Time Marches On [15 Days in May]
DAMMIT, Mike. Y U NO PROTECT HEARTSTRINGS OF INDYCAR FANS?! That photo of Nazareth covered in weeds is even sadder than the beard I tried to grow three years ago (although I'm firmly convinced that "scraggly and patchy" will inevitably come into vogue, and when it does I'LL BE READY).

An Evening With INDYCAR [anotherindycarblog]
So Eric went to the State of IndyCar shindig on Monday and had a rockin' and rollin' HAPPY FUN TIME connecting with INDYCAR fans and folks. From all reports, being there in person was better than a Caligula block party, with more post-event endorphins and far fewer STDs. AWESOME.

Zip Line Fever [Ground(ed) Effects]
I still don't know why INDYCAR won't reply to my zip line idea. It's a "tow line" mounted around the outside of the track, and riders get attached to race cars as they go out to qualify. THAT'S RIGHT, BITCHES, A 225mph ZIP LINE. Easily insurable!

State Of INDYCAR Address: What did we learn? [Indy Racing Revolution]
CHINESE, I hope. Because, man, when you head out to Qingdao for the China race, you're going to notice a significant lack of Panda Express locations. HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE WITHOUT YOUR PANDA BOWL? Call Rosetta Stone!

A Brief Proposal On Standing Starts [IndyCar Advocate]
I dunno, Zach, do you think Randy is a briefs or boxers guy? Maybe if you sent a "Boxer Proposal" he'd be more apt to read it. People see "brief" and think "tighty-whities," which are constricting and sometimes cut into your skin if the elastic is still new. Of course, they do offer more support (HAH! UNDERWEAR PUN!).

New Leaders Circle program is a step in the right direction [More Front Wing]
I think the best part about this whole Leaders Circle controversy was when an interviewer asked Bryan Herta, who was INFURIATED that he did not get the Newman-Haas LC buckage, whether it would set his program back. "Of course not!" said Herta. I like to imagine incredulous crickets too astonished to chirp into the silence that followed.

New Track Record’s State of IndyCar [New Track Record]
I applaud Mark's chutzpah in trying to scoop Randy Bernard's State of IndyCar gala, but man, unless you have a super-cool hologram or foam racecar with projected graphics on it, no amount of esoteric musings and tangential Latin phraseology are going to measure up. But sincere kudos for the effort, my brother.

The Best Deal In Sports [Oilpressure]
I'm going to agree with George here. A Bronze Badge at Indy is like paying a hundred bucks to gently console Tom Brady on the sidelines after the Super Bowl, or to find yourself gritting your teeth through an impromptu proselyting jag from Tim Tebow after his latest wobbly touchdown pass. Actually, I don't think I'm selling this very well.

IndyCar – State of the Series Rebuttal [Open Paddock]
I'll give Shaun this - he's certainly less vituperative than, say, a Tea Party responder to a State of the Union address. Which means that his nascent political career is DOOMED, I SAY, DOOMED, because these days if you can't basically make up batshit about someone you disagree with, you're unelectable.

State of IndyCar, Snark-Free Edition []
Look at Bill bringing all of this "perspective" to the ongoing INDYCAR dialogue. Are you trying to tell me that common sense and context are things we should INCORPORATE into our fandom, Bill? HERESY. *drinks Fuzzy's Vodka, which has now replaced Kool-Aid as the official drink of INDYCAR*

Six Weeks to St. Pete and Other IZOD Indy Car Series News [WideOpenWheel]
"I have liked Randy Bernard from the moment he started to listen to Robin Miller and then begin to ignore him and listen to the fans." BAM!!

Driver Tweet of the Week

@JRHildebrand: Also like to say @OriolServia has possibly the most awesome accent ever. Particularly when pronouncing "-king-", "-ther-", "-muh-" sounds...

Last But Not Least

Constantly talking isn't necessarily communicating.