INDYCAR: Power Rankings (Detroit)

How does IndyCar follow-up one of the greatest Indy 500's ever? How do they continue the incredible momentum? The only ways they know how:

1. A boring street race with little to no passing zones, which was pushed by Roger Penske

2. Another scorched-Earth revolt involving Tony George

Never change, IndyCar. It really is 1995 all over again. Even the New Jersey Devils are in the Cup Finals for good measure. Hopefully the comparisons end there and we don't see a repeat of either scenario. Not only do I NOT want to see a repeat of '95 and the end of IndyCar's reign, but also don't want to see the damn Devils winning again. Hey Los Angeles, want to beat Marty Brodeur? Just show pics of his ex's sister...AND PROFIT (like his ex).

Enough about spoiled rich brats ruining an entire sport now and a generation ago, lets get down to business before I get black flagged for a slow start like a Lotus. Come on, IndyCar...HEAR ADORABLE SIMONA'S PLEA!!! Hear mine, too. I can't drink the Lotus off of my TV screen, or off of her car. Maybe if she had an ATM in her kitchen she can buy-out her contract.

So, on to the Power Rankings. Like I did last year the 500 winner gets the nod for 1st place temporarily this week. However, 1st place this time is the same guy who's won my Power Rankings two straight years.

I'm guessing he's going to make a return by California in September...

(This week's Power Rankings after the jump)

THE GRID

1. Dario Franchitti

Previous ranking: 15 (+14)

What he did wasn't exactly wrong, but considering how much against blocking he is and this whole "gentleman racer" perception, he's been just as dirty as the others. Power at Toronto, Newgarden at Long Beach, and now Sato. Once is a fluke, twice a trend, three times...

2. Will Power

Previous ranking: 1 (-1)

Homestead 2010 aside, none of these accidents on the ovals are of any fault of his own. In other news, SWEET TATTOO ALERT (not really).

3. James Hinchcliffe

Previous ranking: 2 (-1)

Tied for 2nd place in the championship. It really was her fault...?

4. Scott Dixon

Previous ranking: 6 (+2)

I would be pissed if I had an invincible teammate that I couldn't beat. Him? NAH.

5. Helio Castroneves

Previous ranking: 4 (-1)

Who would've thought not only he WOULDN'T have a fourth by now, but competition to be the next four time winner? I guess this means the ESPN Body Issue Dario Franchitti photo-op is inbound for next year. Okay, I'm sorry...I apologize for that.

6. Takuma Sato

Previous ranking: 8 (+2)

He may have made his move early, but had Dario not have pinched him so low...

7. Simon Pagenaud

Previous ranking: 3 (-4)

Uneventful first oval, but at least unlike a fellow Frenchman he didn't lose his sense of style.

8. Ryan Briscoe

Previous ranking: 10 (+2)

He was due for his yearly job-saving performance, and it's at Indy to boot. But he's still winless unlike his teammates.

9. Rubens Barrichello

Previous ranking: 9 (no change)

Way to go...rookie?

10. JR Hildebrand

Previous ranking: 7 (-3)

Considering the National Guard sponsorship might be leaving and John Barnes' recent history of hosing drivers (and now starting a revolt, allegedly) I'd call my agent.

11. Ryan Hunter-Reay

Previous ranking: 5 (-6)

Well, at least Racing for Cancer got PAID at The Yellow Party this year thanks in part to me. [remembers auction involving Simona photo, looks at credit card bill] GUUUUUUHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

12. Tony Kanaan

Previous ranking: 13 (+1)

We may have witnessed his best shot.

13. Justin Wilson

Previous ranking: 14 (+1)

Since when did Dale Coyne Racing become Penske 2.0 on an oval?

14. Graham Rahal

Previous ranking: 12 (-2)

Wasn't he supposed to be good by now?

15. Oriol Servia

Previous ranking: unranked

I would give him credit for the 4th place finish, but those who watched on TV have no idea he finished 4th. Hell, I don't even remember him doing that.

DNQ (Bumped from the field)

Josef Newgarden

Previous ranking: 11

One of the last GOOD IndyCar owners left. For now. (No one is safe from the power of the Dark Side. SAVE YOURSELF, SARAH)

Marco Andretti

$%^%*#!!!!

Alex Tagliani

I can't stand Carb Day either. I'm always leaving early due to Level 87 Heat Exhaustion, Alcohol Poisoning, or simply leaving so I won't be stabbed in the Coke Lot. Again.

Charlie Kimball

We thought this guy sucked. We thought wrong.

James Jakes

We thought this guy sucked. We thought wrong.