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The Paddock Pulse: June 20 Edition

Paddock Pulse Splash
Paddock Pulse Splash

It's been quite a while since the last Paddock Pulse - in fact, the hiatus for the Pulse coincided with the busiest time of the entire 2012 IZOD IndyCar Series season.

"What the actual HELL, dude?" asked two people, which exceeded the previous record of people who gave shits about the Pulse by a full person.

All I can say is, "Mea culpa" (no, that is not Latin for #YOLO). Life has been rather busy for me lately, especially in the realm of the job that actually pays my bills. I've also been meticulously planning a convoluted, ultraviolent military campaign against the guy who is planning to take my newly-16-year-old daughter on her first date, and that kind of "accident" and subsequent coverup just can't happen on the spur of the moment.

Anyway, the Pulse is back and, well, Pulsing. You, theoretically, asked for it!

Walking on Eggshells [...and he’s on it]
Chris says he's "working through some things" in this blog post. I hear Activia is good for working things through your system, if you know what I mean. (It makes you poop. THERE, I SAID IT. Shit, people, whatever happened to SUBTEXT?)

Soapbox Tuesday! [15 Days in May]
I don't know about you, but what Mike calls a "rant" is so dam-- er, dang polite that it immediately makes you think of Ed Harris playing John Glenn in The Right Stuff. Although I think he might have hidden the F-word in the first letters of every paragraph.

China Cancelled, IMS The Only Answer [16th And Georgetown]
No offense to James here, but saying that the IMS road course is "the only answer" to the China cancellation is akin to saying a habanero enema is the only answer to a tummyache. It's unnecessary, it will leave you feeling queasy and empty afterwards, and you'll be farting fire for weeks (that last is true because of the trackside cuisine).

Airing of Grievances… The Aerokit Edition [anotherindycarblog]
As reported by Eric, apparently the key argument against bringing aero kits into IndyCar next year is: "Shouldn't we be satisfied with what we have now?" (This message brought to you by the IRONIC Committee for Counterintuitive Motorsports Reasoning)

2012 Milwaukee Indyfest and a Joule of an Idea [Ground(ed) Effects]
Oh, DZ, we hardly knew ye... no sooner did you post this than the YELLOW SHIRTS OF INDYCAR ORTHODOXY broke down your door and whisked you away to the TrackForum Dungeon of H, to be fed rancid tenderloins for the rest of your days.

Milwaukee: It's Up To Us [IndyCar Advocate]
Bless Zack's heart - the guy has made it his goal to be as relentlessly positive about IndyCar as he possibly can. Hell, IndyCar should be paying him a salary for his marketing efforts - except, of course, for the business maxim of "Why pay for something you can get for free?" I hope at least they're sending him some swag.

OPINION: Andretti plants seed for Milwaukee resurgence []
Since Tony and I share not only a name but a hometown, wouldn't it be nice if we also shared his RACER salary? C'mon, man, just a couple of bucks. I promise this is the last time I'll ask (today).

FIRST IMPRESSIONS: Milwaukee [More Front Wing]
One of the things I missed the most during the Pulse's hiatus was the knock-down drag-out word jihads that Steph and Paul conducted against each other. And I STILL miss them, because man, are you guys going shopping for shoes together later? WHAT'S WITH ALL THE SOBER AGREEMENT, PEOPLE?

Ten Worthless Opinions – Milwaukee IndyFest Weekend Edition [New Track Record]
The fact that Mark recapped this race in beer terms is yet another evidence that when I inevitably fall out of favor, he should be my successor. HE SHALL WIELD THE TENDERLOIN "MJOLNEARLY-EDIBLE" AND SHALL BRING GLORY TO MORE-ASS-GARD!

Keep A Promise To The Fans [Oilpressure]
Give extra points to George for the most fruitless exhortation uttered since Moses said to Pharaoh, "Dude, it'd be nice if you wouldn't be such a dick about letting us go free."

Katherine Legge on 2012, Taking Criticism and Being The Mentor []
Prepare yourselves for a GRAND MAL SEIZURE OF FANSERVICE from Iowa local Pressdog this weekend. No word if the Iowa media center will be giving away "DRINK, ye BASTARDS" shot glasses as the media perk of the weekend.

Ode to a Car… [So… here’s what I’m thinking…]
One of the perks of being a reporter, blogger, or media what have you is that sometimes you get to try COOL STUFF for free, such as this experience related by Meesh. WHEN THE HELL IS IT MY TURN, THOUGH?

Driver Tweet of the Week

alex_lloyd: How do rappers get away with singing completely out of tune?

Last But Not Least

You can't just let nature run wild.